


Piecing Together the Truth

by Steph_Puppet



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Also can't name all the canon characters turning up because spoilers, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Content cannot be described because of spoilers, Content will be dealt with non-explicitly, F/M, Mystery, Some distressing content, Tags limited to avoid spoilers, WARNING: SOME UPSETTING CONTENT
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2018-10-03 10:02:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 67,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10242152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Steph_Puppet/pseuds/Steph_Puppet
Summary: "Blinking rapidly, Leia turned her head around and surveyed her unfamiliar surroundings with a look of wide-eyed panic. Instead of the cold and clinical corridors of the Imperial monstrosity she had been on only moments ago, now she stood in the middle of a crowded street market on some unknown planet."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Star Wars franchise. This is a non-profit piece of work made solely for the purpose of entertainment.

The first thing Leia noticed as awareness slowly came to her was the noise. She felt like she was sleepwalking through a dream, slowly drawn back to reality by a gradually increasing buzz of sound. Even with her brain still feeling as though it was filled to the brim with cotton wool, the hustle and bustle of the crowded street slowly grew in volume as her mind cleared. Almost suddenly, the air around her was filled with shouting as vendors hawked their wares at the top of their voices and customers bartered aggressively, and she flinched instinctively at the intrusiveness of it all.

Blinking rapidly, Leia turned her head around and surveyed her unfamiliar surroundings with a look of wide-eyed panic. Instead of the cold and clinical corridors of the Imperial monstrosity she had been on only moments ago, now she stood in the middle of a crowded street market on some unknown planet. The sudden disorienting change in her location caused her stomach to churn nauseously, and behind the strange veil she now appeared to be wearing she knew that she was probably turning slightly green.

Unaware of her rising heart rate and distress, humanoids and other species jostled and pushed past her, some of them shooting her looks of poorly concealed irritation for the fact she was standing stationary and partially blocking the narrow alley between the market stalls instead of moving with the crowd. Stuttering out an apology, she managed to stumble out of the way, completely lacking the graceful stride that had been drilled into her by her aunts since she had taken her first steps.

Spotting an empty bench, Leia gratefully sank onto it focussing her gaze on the floor and gulping large breaths of air as she tried to make sense of what was happening while concentrating on not rejecting what little there was in her stomach. She couldn’t afford to panic and make a scene, she told herself, she needed to focus and work out what had happened. Thankfully as more time passed and she adjusted to her radically changed circumstances, her breaths evened out and the nausea faded.

With her near panic attack averted, Leia looked back up again and tried to decipher where she was. While she had travelled widely as a senator, her visits had mostly been confined to official buildings at the heart of each planet’s capital. This town with its dilapidated buildings and collection of various species could have belonged to any number of planets, and no matter how much she looked around she did not feel a single spark of recognition.

With a frown creasing the skin between her eyebrows, Leia wracked her brains trying to think of what could have happened. The last thing she remembered was being on the Death Star and an unbearable feeling of dread as two imperial soldiers escorted her to a detention cell, her mind already conjuring up a thousand different scenarios that Vader might put her through in his goal to extract the location of the rebel base. The thought of the interrogation brought with it a horrifying suggestion that chilled her to the bone. Perhaps she wasn’t truly in an unknown marketplace but still trapped in a cell, with a drug running through her veins that was interfering with her perception of her surroundings. This could all be some elaborate ruse designed to make her give up the location, and even now they might be watching on and expecting her to run straight to Yavin. It seemed rather unlikely, but what alternative explanation did she have for her sudden relocation?

Hardening her resolve not to make any move that might compromise the rebellion, Leia paused in her considerations of Vader’s manipulations as she noticed her odd attire. She had already spotted the veil that covered her eyes and face earlier, but with everything else she had been taking in at the time it had slipped her mind, and only now that she was focussing on it could she feel the pins that carefully tied the veil to her hair. The fabric was double-sided, she realised, and while she was able to look out and see everything around her, no one else was able to look in and see her face. Vaguely she remembered that the secretive humanoids of the planet Grix wore such garments as part of their belief that their faces and bodies should only be seen by close family members. Glancing down, Leia noticed that in additional to the traditional veil she also wore the hooded, ankle-length robe favoured by the Grix.

Dressed as she was, not only was she completely unidentifiable as the Princess of Alderaan, but she also could not even be positively identified even as a woman. It seemed an odd attire for her to wear if her entire situation was manufactured, although in the past she had always mused on the potential benefits of disguising herself as a Grix during missions. There were times when it was useful for no one to realise Leia Organa was in their midst, and it was considered incredibly rude to ask a Grix to uncover their face. Despite this, it was not something she had ever had the chance to put into practice.

Feeling somewhat recovered from her shock, Leia tried to figure out what she should do. She still didn’t have a clue where she was, and in her current disguise she could not really ask anyone since the Grix were also notoriously silent and the moment she uttered a sound she would give herself away as an imposter. Manufactured system or not, she did not want to find out what the consequences of that would be.

Dropping her hands to her sides, Leia started in surprise as her thumb brushed against a distinct texture change in the robe she was wearing. Slipping her hand into the pocket she had not noticed before, she felt several familiar and unfamiliar shapes and started to retrieve them, laying them across her lap so she could investigate what she had found. She quickly re-pocketed the credits she found after a furtive glance around to make sure no one else had spotted her removing them, and then focussed her attention on the remaining items. Two in particular caught her attention- a key card and a receipt telling her that a woman called Rowenna had paid in advance for three nights at some non-descript hotel. She had used Rowenna as a pseudonym before and so with any luck, Leia thought to herself, the hotel would be nearby and she could maybe get some more answers. The only issue would be finding the place.

Leia resigned herself to a long, silent search and stood up from the bench with a quiet sigh, still looking around for any tell-tale signs that she was in some sort of simulation. She had heard that such drug-induced dreams always had flaws, subtle little things that indicated something wrong about the reality currently inhabited. So far she had not seen anything completely out of the ordinary, apart from the obvious, but there was still potential that something would pop out that she hadn’t noticed before.

Moving away from the busier parts of the market place, Leia frowned up at a street sign. It was written in basic, but did not give her any indication of whether it was nearer or further away from her destination.

“Are you lost?” The sudden voice made her jump, and she spun around to face the speaker. It was a human stall-holder, set slightly apart from the rest. The products he was selling appeared to be some sort of unappetising, and potentially rotting fruit. Appearances could be deceptive, but more convincingly there were no customers anywhere near his stall. He did not give off any particularly threatening vibe, and after some hesitation Leia fished out the receipt and folded it so only the name of the hotel was showing. Remembering her disguise, she wordlessly held up the flimsi which he scrutinised briefly.

“That’s not that far away.” The man commented gruffly. “I can take you there... if you can pay that is.” He gave her a shrewd enterprising gaze, although with the traditional Grix attire there was no way for him to know if she could afford the no doubt extortionate price for directions. Under the robes she could be richly adorned or dressed in rags, and at this point not even she was sure which it would be. Leia gave an exaggerated nod, knowing that increasing the movement was necessary for it to be visible to an outsider.

“I need some proof you can pay.” He said pointedly. Rolling her eyes, Leia fished out some of the credits from her pocket and held them in view, rapidly pulling them away when he reached forward eagerly. “You’ll pay me when you get there?” He guessed, and she nodded again. He muttered something likely unpleasant under his breath, but with a brief hand gesture that she should follow he began walking away.

They were not travelling for long before Leia noticed a building with the hotel name emblazoned on the front. She had been a little concerned that the man was planning on taking her to some back alley and stealing the credits from her, and she blushed at the realisation that she had misjudged him. He may have been money-grubbing, but he had faithfully brought her to her to where she needed to be.

“Here we are.” He announced. “Credits?” He had not ever stated an exact amount, and the number of credits she handed over were perhaps more generous that really necessary, a gesture to compensate for her less-than-fair expectations of his nature. His eyes widened at the amount and he grinned openly.

“Thanks! You ever need a guide around this shit-hole, you just call your friend Drake and I’ll show you all the best sites in Oberon.”

Once again Leia was absurdly grateful for the veil she wore as it concealed the surprise she was sure would have been evident on her face. It was nice to put a name to her current location, and one that she was at least vaguely familiar with. She had heard of Oberon before, mostly as a place not to be visited by reputable individuals unless they were unfortunate enough to have relative that lived there. It was infamous throughout the galaxy as a hedonist’s dream, a place you could buy any poison you preferred. The company of men or women or both, drugs that could bring you to the highest of highs, every conceivable brand and bottle of alcohol, body modifications and enhancements- both legal and illegal. Leia could not fathom why she would choose to visit it, in reality or in this potential simulation. Nor could she conceive of a reason for why Vader would think such a location would lead her to revealing the location of the rebel base.

Realising that Drake was still looking at her expectantly for a response of some sort, she held out her right hand and after a brief pause he took it, shaking it enthusiastically. “I’ll see you around.” He said before departing, a light spring in his step from the credits he had earned. Leia smiled after him for a moment before the cheer left her and she remembered the situation that she was in. The small kindness of a stranger had been helpful however it had not changed the strange scenario she found herself in. At least she now had one answer- _where_. She still lacked a _what_ , _when_ , _how_ and _why_ , but it was a start at least.

Leia walked into the hotel lobby with some trepidation. It was a clean enough place- neat, functional and likely not expensive. The latter she had already determined from seeing how much she had paid for her stay on the receipt. The staff working at the desk sent her a brief look as she entered, but seemed as though they recognised the Grix staying with them and stopped paying her attention. The receipt had also given the room number she was staying in, and luckily the lobby was well enough labelled that she was able to make her way there without needing to ask for directions.

The key card let her in without a problem and Leia walked in, fully expecting the room to trigger some memories that might explain to her why she was on Oberon, and she was forced to push away her disappointment when no such memories were forthcoming. The room was as uninspiring as the price tag indicated. All the necessary furniture was there, but there were no additional touches of decoration or items purely for comfort rather than functionality. It was certainly miles away from anywhere she had stayed before.

That alone might not have been enough to cause worry, but there were other features of the room that made her shift uncomfortably. She had always been fastidiously neat - always putting all her possessions in their proper place without delay. Yes, there had always been servants at the palace to do it for her but her parents have not been the type to raise a spoilt princess who expected everyone to clean up after her. This room did not look like one she was staying in, and Leia felt her nose wrinkle in annoyance and confusion. The bed sheets were rumpled and unmade, and there were items of clothing liberally scattered across the bedroom, draped over the bed posts and strewn across the floor.

Brushing aside her irritation, Leia made quick work of collecting the items and folding them into a small and neat pile. Based on their crumpled appearance, these clothes had been worn and they were as unfamiliar to her as the state of the room was. Her usual attire had always consisted of some form of white dress, and none of the items were white let alone dresses. Everything she found was clearly designed for the purpose of comfort and ease of movement rather than fashion, and all of it was a rather eclectic collection of tops and pants which most definitely did not match in any combination. Her aunts would have thrown a fit if they ever saw her wearing any of it.

In addition to the items thrown across the room, Leia also managed to spot a small holdall bag at the base of the bed which had previously been hidden by a blouse in a shocking shade of red. The contents did not help her feel any more at ease- there were more credits but also more unrecognisable but clean clothes, and a rather large and extensive set of makeup. She had worn makeup before, but usually light amounts to enhance her beauty. The makeup she found in the bag was almost theatrical- bright and ostentatious colours of lipstick and eyeshadow she would never have dared to wear in a public, and copious quantities of foundation. None of the foundation matched her naturally pale skin-tone, it all seemed a shade or two darker and in large enough quantities that she could have covered her entire body in the stuff several times over.

Trying to understand why she would have all these things was enough to give her a headache and she found herself shutting the bag before she could investigate it further in order to try to refocus her thoughts. This room seemed to belong to a total stranger, and for a while she allowed herself to entertain the idea that the room key and receipt in her pocket had belonged to someone else whose possessions she was now riffling through without any care for their personal privacy.

Leia sat down on the rumpled bed with a heavy sigh and pushed the veil out of the way so she could tiredly rub at her eyes. She cast her eyes about the room again, hoping that some answer would pop out and explain everything to her but it didn’t. One item in the hotel room that she had not previously seen did make her pause uncomfortably, a hard lump coming to her throat as she froze in place and realised that this was most definitely not a stranger’s room. At first glance it seemed innocuous enough- an innocent piece of flimsi on the bedside table. On closer inspection it was considerably more sinister. Official imperial letterhead flimsi with handwritten notes in what was unmistakably her elaborate handwriting. A numbered list with five names, two familiar three not. Each crossed out with one deliberate and final pen stroke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Important Author’s Note: Three main points to bring up. 1. This story is written so that readers experience the events as the characters do, you are welcome to post your theories in the comments but I will not confirm or deny them. 2. This story is canon-divergent, but bear in mind that I have tried to write this as though all the resulting events have come from one major (and one minor) change. 3. I am not well-versed in Star Wars lore, I am borrowing some elements from the books but it is likely I will make mistakes. If you spot one, let me know and I will correct it. I hope you enjoy!


	2. Chapter 2

The note, while somewhat disturbing, had at least confirmed to Leia that this was her room. She had spent years developing the handwriting that adorned the flimsi as a hobby, developing the nice but rather plain calligraphy she had been taught into more elaborate custom patterns. She had never come across anyone who could come close to mimicking it. To see something so familiar in a room that held only mysteries was almost more than she could bear, and she found herself folding the flimsi in half and tucking it into one of the pockets of the holdall so she did not have to look at it for any longer than strictly necessary. Once she had a better grasp of what was going on she might inspect it further and try to understand why she would write down those five names and then cross them out.

Until that time, there were other matters she could tend with. The primary one being sleep. During her stay in this strange reality she had tried to search for the subtle clues that this was a simulation but had not spotted any that were suitable. From what she had been taught as part of her rebel training, such clues were similar to those that might inform you of a dream- like the sky being a different colour or impossible geographies. She remembered once having a dream where she had travelled through her school only to walk from a classroom directly into a hotel she had stayed on Naboo. It was such impossibilities that she had been searching for and not yet come across. The only other test she could try was sleep, as apparently it was impossible to sleep during a simulation. Within a few hours she would be able to confirm whether she really was on the planet Oberon or was still stuck on the Death Star.

Unfortunately the only issue with going to sleep is that she had to make her usual preparations for it, and that unavoidably meant exploring the room she was in further. Making up the bed brought with it an unpleasant surprise in the form of a man’s shirt which had previously been hidden by the rumpled sheets. She had picked it up initially, thinking it might be part of a set of pyjamas. It was the first item of clothing that she had seen in the colour white and that alone had cheered her up until she tugged it away from the sheets and its full form was revealed. Whoever the owner was, they were certainly taller and broader than she, and if she had to guess the shirt would have fallen to her thighs on her.

For a moment she had panicked that there was perhaps a man about to appear in the room, some unknown stranger she would have to face, but she had slowly relaxed as she remembered that her receipt had only mentioned one guest. However that did not solve the mystery of why the shirt was in the room in the first place. A few possibilities did come to mind but she rejected them immediately. She was as innocent as freshly lain snow, and even had she not been, she was not the type to engage in any sort of casual one night stand.

Balling the shirt up with the intent to throw it away, she had stopped in surprise as the action had caused a very familiar scent to waft over to her. It was her favourite perfume, an expensive concoction made using the native flowers of Naboo. She had always loved the scent ever since she had first come across it on the Naboo representative when she had first been on the Senate. Unfortunately she had never been able to acquire it, and even the bottle that she had managed to get hold of had disappeared from her room on Alderaan before she had even had the chance to spray it once. The scent suggested that the shirt, while male in design, belonged to a woman and a quick search of the adjoining refresher led to her finding the distinctively shaped bottle she had always coveted. Picking it up, Leia marvelled at the fact that she had finally managed to get hold of it. She didn’t appear to be currently wearing it- likely because of her disguise, and it was with some regret that she returned it back to the counter unused.

It was comforting to again find something familiar, especially without any sinister imperial connotations. But the rest of the bathroom reminded her of the clothes she had found in the bedroom. The toiletries were not her usual brands. She had always favoured floral body washes and shampoos, enjoying the light scent of flowers that would linger on her skin hours afterwards. Everything apart from the perfume that she found in that refresher was scentless, and like the hotel severely utilitarian- their clear and only purposes were to help with cleanliness rather than having any additional feminine qualities.

Still, body wash was body wash regardless of how it smelled, and she wanted more than anything to get clean. From her perspective she had spent the last twenty four hours in a near constant state of panic, from obtaining the plans for the death star to her current situation. A wash would certainly make her feel better, and might help relax her enough to get some sleep.

Decision made, Leia started the process of removing the traditional Grix attire she was still draped in. It took her longer than she expected as she struggled to find all the clasps and zips that needed to be undone before it could be removed, but eventually she managed to take off the hooded robe and veil only to then stop in surprise as she saw what she wore beneath it. If she had not known any better she would have immediately pinpointed the white gown as traditional Alderaanian. It certainly fit the cut and style, and it was only her own experience of wearing such garments that she knew it was an elaborate fake.

The biggest clue was the material, it was completely wrong. Cheap and scratchy where all her other gowns had always been made of some sort of silk that slid against her skin smoothly and pleasantly. It was a knock-off, probably some sort of cheap gimmick to flog to tourists. She had heard of entire shops dedicated to look-alike outfits which mimicked the styles of various celebrities while being cheap enough to be mass produced. She wondered why she would be wearing such an alternative when she owned multiple versions of the real product.

In addition to the dress, she also had a pair of slim blasters holstered into a belt that was tied around her waist. It seemed an odd place to put them until Leia considered that the more conventional habit of having the weapons at her hips would have made them visible through the robe. She untied the belt and carefully placed it on the floor, and it was shortly followed by the long fake-Alderaanian dress. Lastly, she uncoiled the tight braids wrapped around her head with a speed that had come from years of experience of tying and untying such intricate designs.

Stepping under the warm water of the shower was a near-divine experience after the day she had experienced. The heat did wonders to relax her tight muscles, and she had to admit she lingered there for longer than truly necessary to get clean. Afterwards, wrapped up in a plain and distinctly not fluffy towel, she hesitated a little as she considered what to wear to bed. There did not seem to be any designated sleepwear in the collection of clothing, and logically she knew that her best option would be to just pick something that might be reasonably comfortable.

Despite this, she found herself lingering over the out-of-place men’s shirt. It has been on the bed, and it smelled of her perfume. It was also the only item of men’s clothing she had found, and that made it strangely conspicuous. The material was soft in the way that only something worn over several years could be. Before she could overthink it, Leia dropped the towel and slipped on the shirt, smoothing her hands lightly over it. She had been correct when she had estimated that it would fall to her thighs, and it was just as comfortable as she had imagined.

The hem did rise up almost indecently when she stretched her arms as she yawned, surprised by how tired she suddenly was. It had been a very long, confusing day and she did her best to put it all out of her mind as she curled up under the sheets of the bed. Closing her eyes, Leia hoped that the morning would come with some answers to the increasingly long list of questions she had.

* * *

When she woke up, still nestled between the thin sheets of the bed, Leia could at least cross one suspicion off her list. She was definitely not in a simulation. It was a helpful discovery, but it did not bring her any closer to understanding what had happened to her. A few fanciful ideas did come to mind, but these were usually taken straight from some sort of holo drama. Teleportation, time travel and parallel dimensions were all up for consideration. The latter at least might explain why the room contained echoes of herself interspersed with the unfamiliar. Maybe in this world she was not Leia Organa, but had instead been adopted by a different family. The possibilities, while implausible, were nearly limitless. And unfortunately the complete lack of identifying documents did not help.

Stepping back the refresher to prepare herself for the day ahead, Leia took a moment to look at herself in the only available mirror. She had seen herself the day before, but had not paid it much mind. Not that she looked more closely, she could see a few details that differed from the last time she had looked at herself. She was certainly thinner than she had been, and there was something subtly different about her face that she could not quite put her finger on. It was evident enough for her to notice but not obvious enough for her to definitively say what it was.

Shaking her head a little at yet another unsolved mystery, Leia performed her usual morning routine with the products available to her and dressed in one of the mismatched outfits. After a moment of hesitation, she slipped the Grix traditional wear back on and set to packing up all the personal items into the holdall. She suspected her to stay in the hotel had only been covered up to that day, and while she had enough credits with her to extend it she mostly just wanted to go home. Once she was in more familiar territory she could start to figure out what was going on, and maybe cross a few more suspicions off her list.

* * *

Waiting in line to check out of the hotel, Leia discreetly looked around the lobby, trying to keep her head movements reasonably inconspicuous. She grinned widely in triumph when she spotted what she had been searching for- a small stand covered in fliers and assorted pieces of tourist paraphernalia. Once her key card had been handed over, she made a beeline towards it and after a quick search she found the maps she was looking for. She poured over three different ones until she found a considerably less colourful and more serious-looking map which illustrated the locations of various embassies. A helpful key on the side listed them alphabetically so it did not take her long to find the Alderaanian embassy.

Getting to the embassy would certainly be more difficult than just finding it on the map had been, it was far from her current location and she would need to find some sort of transport. This was easier said than done considering her current attire, and it wasn’t a matter of her simply finding some alley to remove the outer garments. She had chosen to wear a disguise on this planet, and there must have been a reason. If this universe bore any resemblance to the one she had just left, then there was a distinct possibility that she was still recognisable- and not necessarily in a good way. Less than twenty four hours ago she had been an imperial prisoner, and it was entirely likely that an arrest warrant with her name or face was in circulation.

Leia mulled over the dilemma for a few minutes before an idea abruptly came to mind, and without looking back she packed away the map and hurried back to the market she had found herself at the previous day. It did not take her long to find the vendor who had helped her the previous day, and from the way his eyes lit up as she approached she could tell that he remembered her. His stall was just as deserted as it had been the previous day, and she suspected the small amount of credits she had given him for his escort to the hotel was probably the most money he had made that day.

“Taking me up on my offer to show you the sights?” Drake asked brightly, and in response she silently showed him the map and pointed at the embassy. His eyebrows rose as he realised where she wanted to go. “Are you sure about that?” He asked sceptically. “The empire didn’t leave much behind.”

His question startled her considerably. What has the empire done to the embassy? Had it been some sort of retaliation for the rebels getting hold of the Death Star plans? Maybe if she could see it for herself she would have a greater understanding of what happened, and so at his enquiring look she nodded vigorously.

“You have credits, right?” He asked hopefully, and behind the veil Leia rolled her eyes before nodding again and repeating the gesture when he asked if she wanted to leave now. He led her to his speeder, cheerfully rambling a tour guide’s monologue of the rather unscrupulous activities that could be done on Oberon.

Once they arrived at the embassy, a deafening silence came over Drake as they both sombrely looked over the once proud building. It was completely deserted and looked as though it had been thoroughly ransacked, with broken apart desks and cabinets scattered across the ground in front of the building, empty of any useful contents. The outside of the building had not fared any better, and was liberally covered in unpleasant graffiti, some of which clearly had imperial sympathiser sentiments.

“It’s not up and running again yet.” Drake remarked. “It will probably be a while until it is, Alderaan is still readjusting to no longer being under imperial rule.” _Imperial rule?!_ Leia thought incredulously. _When had that happened?_ A thousand new questions came to mind, and with considerable effort she bit back an instinctive need to demand the truth from him. She slumped back dejectedly against the seats of the speeder, and tried to think about what her next move could be.

“Sorry to disappoint you.” Drake said sympathetically. There was a pause, and he spoke again. “Are you an Alderaanian refugee?” He prodded gently, and at her surprised silence he explained his deduction. “Whenever Grix visit Oberon they always bring a translator to handle their interactions.” After a moment of hesitation, Leia nodded cautiously in response to his earlier question.

“I don’t know if you’ve heard- it was easy enough to miss with everything else on the news recently- but an outpost has been set up on Yavin to deal with displaced Alderaanian citizens.” Yavin seemed an odd choice, did this mean the rebellion had finally won? Or was she on some sort of parallel universe where Yavin had never been used as the rebel base.

“An outpost?” She echoed hoarsely, her voice roughened by lack of use.

“That’s right.” He confirmed, seeming pleased that she had now dropped the Grix pretence. “It is very busy, it could take weeks before you would get processed.” He told her warningly, and she felt her heart sink at the idea. She wanted to see her family as soon as possible, reassure herself that were all safe and unharmed.

“Do you have any idea how I could get there?” She asked. Whether she had to wait days or weeks, her priority was to get home, and if that was what she had to do to accomplish it then it was worth the delay.

“I know some people with a ship who are heading in that direction, they could take you and drop you off at Yavin for the right price.”

“Always for the right price.” She said drily, her lips quirking up into a small smile and he grinned openly.

“This is Oberon, lady. Everyone and everything here has a price.” His eyes widened into a look of unconvincing innocence. “I will of course need a small fee as the intermediate in this transaction.”

“Why am I not surprised?” He laughed at that, and her voice softened slightly when she spoke again. “Thank you all your help, I really appreciate it.” He waved off the thanks, but she noticed with some amusement that he had flushed a little at her sincerity and gratitude.

When Drake introduced her to the human men she would be travelling with, and on her behalf effectively bartered their initially ludicrous price down to something more reasonable, she had felt her heart swell when he bid her farewell and made no mention of the fee he had spoken of earlier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that we spent most of the chapter in the hotel room again, but I imagine that if I were in Leia’s position I would be doing the same- investigating everything in the hopes of finding some clues. So occasionally I will confirm a few things- in this case I confirm that Leia is not in a simulation, also Alderaan has not been destroyed. I know the latter might seem like it was skipped over, but it was difficult to write it as a revelation since Leia would not have been expecting it to be destroyed, so it would have been weird if she was surprised it still existed. Hope you’ve enjoyed!


	3. Chapter 3

The journey to Yavin took just over a day since Oberon was not that far away, and the two men Leia travelled with were pleasant enough. The credits she had handed over had been sufficient to get her own cabin on the ship, and she appreciated the privacy as she gathered her thoughts and prepared herself for what lay ahead.

Soon enough they arrived, and although she hadn’t really thought about what she would expect when she arrived at the outpost, the sea of tents before her had definitely not come to mind. A little disoriented, she nearly forgot to bid farewell to the two men and sooner than was comfortable she found herself alone again. Hefting the holdall over her shoulder, she straightened her back and marched forward through the path between the lines of tents.

Leia still wore the Grix outfit, and had been a little concerned that it would make her stand out like a sore thumb but she needn’t have worried. All the people she walked past were similarly dressed in the costumes of other planets, illustrating vividly where they had spent their exile. There were so many of them. She could understand now why Drake had said it would be weeks before she was processed, as it seemed most of these people were waiting to be taken home.

Eventually she came to the central hub of the outpost, and from what she could tell it appeared that this _was_ the rebel base. It had now been repurposed to deal with the Alderaanian refugees who had fled from some still-unknown crisis, but she still recognised it for what it had been. The buildings around the hub all sported signs clearly indicating their purpose, and it seemed at some point they had thought the buildings would have been enough to temporarily home all the displaced citizens. Judging by the sights she had already come across, quite obviously they had been mistaken and likely a little overwhelmed by the numbers that had come to the outpost.

In the centre of the hub there was a single desk manned by one person with a small sign designating it as ‘registration’. This was already a clear indication of why processing seemed to be taking so long, the entire set-up appeared woefully under-staffed. Leia joined the back of the queue, and waited painstakingly until she reached the front.

“Hello, I-”

“Alderaanian?” The woman interrupted immediately, frowning a little at Leia’s appearance.

“Yes, I-” Before she could say another word, a large package was shoved into her unprepared hands and it was only her instinctual action of holding on to it that prevented it from tumbling to the floor.

“There’s your tent and provisions,” the woman said in a firm no-nonsense tone, “new provisions are available every morning at 7 o’clock, don’t be late. Refresher facilities are available at the barracks on the southern side of this outpost.”

A little overwhelmed at the list of information, Leia could do nothing but nod, and she opened her mouth to speak again but was abruptly cut off as the woman handed her a small file. “You will need to fill in one or more of these forms, it should be fairly evident which will apply to you dependent on your situation. Once you’ve completed the form, head to the station marked ‘Processing Stage 1’ and hand it in along with any unused documents.”

A quick glance over at Processing Stage 1 revealed an impossibly long line of people all queuing to reach two or three manned desks, and the line moved very slowly as it seemed that each form too quite a while to process. “The current wait time for relocation to Alderaan is two standard months for ordinary citizens.” The woman finished promptly, and then loudly called out “Next!”

Leia had never been dismissed so, but she did not fight it as she saw that there were people waiting impatiently behind her and she quickly slipped away, still gripping tightly onto all the items she had just been given. She quickly spotted a long table full of people busily working on their forms and talking amongst each other, and once a spot freed up at the end she joined it, setting aside the package to focus on the file she had been given.

Inside the file was a cheap pen and a variety of forms in various colours, some clearly designated for Alderaanian nationals while others were for non-national residents. She discarded the non-national forms back into the file and focussed on the still considerable number left. The rest of the forms seemed to be allocated to the different classes of Alderaanian citizen. There was a green form for ordinary citizens, a blue form for civil servants and a purple form for government officials amongst others. It was the last of these that caught her attention, since not only was it the one she would naturally assume she should fill in as the former senator for Alderaan but also because of the bold lettering at the top stating _Completed forms should be handed into Fast-Track Processing_. Another quick glance revealed that, unlike Processing Stage 1, Fast-Track Processing was utterly deserted and had a single person manning the desk while managing to look spectacularly bored.

“Tempting, isn’t it?” A voice said near her, drawing her attention away from the purple flimsi to see an Alderaanian woman smiling benevolently at her.

“What is?” A man questioned, and looked over at them. “Oh, the government official form. Yeah it is. I heard you can get home within the week if you get fast-tracked.”

“Only if you’re _actually_ government.” A different woman chimed in. “I saw someone try it a few days ago, and they found out he was lying during the verification process. Not only did he not get sent home, but his correct forms have been put at the bottom of the processing pile.” All of the people listening immediately winced at the thought.

“Not worth it.” The first man said, shaking his head. “It seems so unfair, why do they get to go home faster than us?”

“Don’t be so overdramatic.” The second woman admonished. “It’s not as if there’s no reason. Over half the government either fled or were arrested after the imperial takeover. Everyone that is getting fast-tracked is going back to do their jobs, not to reunite with their families.”

The small group grumbled in half-hearted agreement. It wasn’t pleasant, but politically Leia could see the sense in the decision. From what she understood, the empire had only been defeated relatively recently and thus the priority would be to try to make order from the ensuing chaos. It was unfortunate, but returning ordinary citizens to their homes was not a high priority.

Filling out the government official form in front of the group seemed a bad idea in the light of the most recent conversation. They might become curious, and Leia wasn’t sure if it was a good idea for her to reveal herself yet. She needed to know what the situation was first.

She slipped away from the table to find somewhere a little more quiet and isolated, and managed to find a small uninhabited alcove behind one of the buildings. Sitting on the ground, she pulled out the form again and contemplated it pensively. It was surprisingly vague but also strangely specific. The first part of the form was an easily-filled in section of tick boxes that described the government branch they had been working at, security clearance level, and other such details. There was a section for more specifics such as name and date of birth, but much to Leia’s relief there was a paragraph stating that for individuals above a certain security clearance it was allowed for this section to be ignored and so she did. She was hesitant to put her full name and title on such a form when she still didn’t know if that was her identity in this world. Another section required the names of five people who could verify her identity and position, and so she wrote in the names of her parents and three of the government ministers she had closely worked with in the past. She felt a pang of worry as she did so as she had no idea whether the ministers were even alive. The rest of the form appeared to be a series of verification questions concerning the government, questions that she could answer easily since she had been so embroiled in politics but would have been very difficult for a common citizen.

With the form completed to the best of her ability, Leia took a deep breath to steady herself and began to walk over to the Fast-Track Processing station. As it became clear that she was not heading to Processing Stage 1, she could feel more and more eyes on her and the buzz of conversation around her seemed to turn questioning and sceptical. More than ever was she grateful that she had stuck with the disguise she had originally found herself in, she felt distinctly uncomfortable enough under this kind of scrutiny without her face being visible.

The man at Fast-Track Processing looked at her warily as she placed the form down on the desk in front of him.

“Do you understand that fraudulently filling in this form will lead to extensive delays in your return to Alderaan?” He asked.

“I do.” She said as clearly and authoritatively as she could manage, and even he looked a little taken aback at how serious she sounded. The form which he had mostly ignored until this point, was now being looked at with more consideration as he checked through the verification questions, ticking them off as he went. Leia found herself relaxing a little as not a single cross was assigned to her answers. It was comforting to know that at least some things hadn’t changed.

“Two of the ministers you have listed are dead.” The man told her not unkindly. “The third is busy with reconstruction efforts, and the Queen and Viceroy are similarly occupied and cannot be disturbed.”

“I am sorry to hear about that, I didn’t know.” Leia said mournfully. She wanted to ask which ones, but bit back the question to focus on the matter at hand. She could find out later and mourn them properly.

“Is there anyone else that can verify your identity?” He asked.

“I was a prominent politician.” Leia said truthfully. “Anyone even slightly familiar with Alderaanian politics should recognise me.” Her bold claim seemed to surprise him, and he subtly straightened in his seat. He took out a communicator and spoke quietly into it.

“I have a government official here who needs their identity verified.” He went silent as he listened to the reply, and then turned off the communicator again. “If you would please follow me.”

He started to walk towards one of the buildings, and she hurried to meet his rapid pace, cursing her short stature. He led her in, holding the door respectfully open for her and took her to a small interview room with a desk and two chairs.

“Please have a seat, someone will be with you shortly.” She acquiesced and he left the room, shutting the door quietly behind him.

Left alone with nothing but her thoughts, a harsh pang of anxiety struck her. She still wasn’t certain if this universe she was in was her own. If she wasn’t Princess of Alderaan, she didn’t know what she would do. She could tell someone what had happened, but who would believe her? The story would seem laughably false to anyone else. A non-existent princess captured by Darth Vader himself, only to inexplicably find herself in a universe where the empire had been recently defeated. Did Darth Vader even _exist_ in this reality? She squirmed uncomfortably, wanting nothing more than the comforting embrace of her mother and her voice calmly reassuring her that everything would be okay.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the abrupt sound of the door opening, and in walked in a man she recognised. His name was Aldric, and he had been the representative of a small and reasonably unobtrusive region of Alderaan but had been known for the passion with which he presented the various minor problems and issues the people he represented faced. Whatever had happened since the Death Star, _if the Death Star had even happened_ , he must have done something remarkable for such an elevation in position.

Aldric looked more harried and stressed than the last time she had last seen him as he strode to the seat opposite her and placed a datapad on the table. A small droid followed him, its machinery humming quietly. Like the man she had been accompanied by, Aldric looked at her with a healthy dose of scepticism.

“You will need to remove that veil for us to confirm your identity.” He said gruffly, eyeing the garment with some annoyance.

“Of course.” Leia acknowledged, and with a few deft movements she pushed back the hood and pulled the veil away from her face, knowing that this was the moment of truth and consequently she was unable to stop the slight tremble of her hands. The strangled gasp that greeted the exposure of her face and the utterly flabbergasted look on Aldric’s face were at least slightly reassuring, but nothing calmed her more than the two words that eventually escaped him.

“Your Highness!” He choked out. He couldn’t have looked more surprise if she’d unveiled herself to reveal Darth Vader’s mask.

“It is good to see you too, Aldric.” She said with a small smile, unable to hide her relief. It was such an unbelievable comfort to know that her parents were still her parents, and that she was the same person. She had dreaded the possibility that she would have to go home to total strangers, her entire identity and all her experiences completely erased and replaced with those of someone who shared little other than her face.

“B-but you’re dead!” Aldric blurted out, lacking his usual poise and professionalism. “Vader himself said so. He said you’d been killed!” This was a new piece of information, and a frown crossed her face.

“Clearly he was mistaken.” She replied firmly, but still mulling over what could possibly have happened. Why would Vader tell everyone she was dead if it wasn’t true? And it certainly wasn’t. But the confirmation of her identity and this news brought with it more questions. If she was still the princess of Alderaan, then why had she been staying in Oberon and letting everyone believe she was dead?

“Of course, of course.” Aldric took in a deep breath, clearly trying to readjust and calm down. “I apologise for my behaviour, it is such a shock to see you.”

“I understand, please take your time.” She reassured politely.

“I imagine you will want to return to your family as soon as possible.” He said brusquely, seeming to have collected himself enough to remember why she was there in the first place. “We can arrange for a ship to collect you and take you back to Alderaan within the next few days.” He paused, hesitating slightly. “There are a few formalities we need to go through first, with your permissions.”

“What kind of formalities?” She asked curiously. He clearly did not have any doubts as to her identity, and she had not expected any other verification processes other than a simple recognition test.

“A DNA test.” At her look, he hastily continued to explain his statement. “Purely as a formality. Especially with your death being a matter of official record. We will need to confirm you are who you say you are.” He looked like he was going to elaborate further but with a short wave she silenced him.

“I understand, Aldric, I consent to the DNA test.” She paused briefly. “There may be a slight issue however, my DNA isn’t logged onto the system and since I am adopted you cannot perform a familial comparison to my parents.” Aldric nodded sympathetically at that.

“Your DNA may not have been logged originally, but it has since been put on the system.” He winced before continuing. “I believe it was done in case your body was found, so they could positively identify you for burial.” His explanation made sense, and it wouldn’t have been difficult to do if they found her hairbrush. “The droid can perform a finger prick blood extraction and carry out the comparison.” Aldric finished, gesturing at the small machine.

“Of course.”

The droid approached and presented her with a small metal plate with a fingerprint illustrated. Leia placed her index over the fingerprint and did not flinch at the short and minimally painful cut that was made. A small screen on the droid indicated the comparison being made between Subject Y and Princess Leia Organa, and after a few processing sounds the droid made a small ding, and green writing came over the DNA profiles to state “Match confirmed”.

“Thank you for that, we can now proceed with organising your return.” Aldric made a small note on the datapad.

“I’ve not had much access to the news.” Leia began, carefully choosing her words. “Is my family safe?” Aldric nodded vigorously, and the remembering himself he coughed slightly.

“The royal family has now returned to Alderaan, all are present and accounted for. Your parents are still recovering from their imprisonment but are expected to make a full recovery.” He looked very apologetic. “I wish I could tell you more, but all I know is what has been released to the public.”

“Thank you.” She said quietly.

It was not difficult to infer a few things from what Aldric had said. Clearly her parents had been punished by the empire, possibly as some sort of retaliation after the capture of the Tantive IV. If they had managed to trace the stolen plans to her ship, it would have been easy to connect the treason back to her family. And her brief conversation with Vader before she had been taken to her cell had made it clear that he knew all about her rebel sentiments and those of her family. There was also the distinct possibility she had said something incriminating during her interrogation. It didn’t bear thinking about that she might be responsible for her parents suffering, but the thought would not leave her mind. There was little point in worrying about it now, she told herself. Once she returned to Alderaan she could explain her situation to her family and find out exactly what had happened.

Her thoughts were again interrupted, this time by Aldric coughing slightly to get her attention. He looked at her sympathetically as she raised her head to meet his eyes.

“It is probably best that we keep your identity hidden until you return home.” He advised. “I’m sure the royal family will have their own ideas for releasing the information once they are notified, and you will probably want to see them before the media circus starts.” Leia nodded in acknowledgment.

“I will spread a rumour that you are a confirmed minor official.” Aldric stated thoughtfully. “There will be speculation of your identity, so that should hopefully silence most of the rumours until you are ready to announce yourself. I expect we should be able to have some transportation ready by tomorrow to take you to Alderaan, so until then we will arrange for a room to be prepared for you.” Again he looked at her apologetically. “It won’t be what you’re used to-”

“I’m sure it will be fine.” She interrupted him swiftly with a small smile.

“I’ll arrange for someone trusted to come collect you and take you to your room when it is ready.” He said and started to head out of the room, the little droid accompanying him automatically. He hesitated by the door and turned back to her. “It’s good to see you, Your Highness.” Aldric said kindly, looking at her with an expression near akin to wonder. “We had all given up hope long before Vader said you were dead. This will be a very welcome piece of news after so many years of misery.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So some interesting points have popped up, and I’m looking forward to seeing what you guys think of the developments. I have one more chapter completely written, and several more planned. Chapter 4 will definitely be up on Sunday as normal, but I’m not sure about future chapters since I’m struggling a bit with the beginning of Chapter 5.


	4. Chapter 4

A short while after Aldric had left, a woman came to escort her to the room they had prepared, and at her behest Leia replaced the veil for the short journey there. Once she was alone again, she slumped down on the bed with a sigh, rubbing her head where she could already feel the start of a headache. A few more pieces of the puzzle had fallen into her lap, but it felt as though the shape of the puzzle had suddenly changed dramatically.

The more she learned the more it seemed unlikely that she was in a parallel universe, with the exception of the things she had found on Oberon, everything was too similar to what she knew. However, from what she did understand it had been some time since the Death Star. How much time she did not yet know, but it would have had to be enough for the sheer number of Alderaanians she had seen outside to have become displaced. As well as getting home, her next priority would be to find out exactly how much time had passed, then she could work out what had happened in the intervening time.

The room she was in was sparsely furnished but comfortable enough. She wondered if the room had been purposely kept in the case that they did find government officials. It made sense, but she couldn’t help but feel guilty about the relative luxury given to her that was denied to all those sleeping in tents outside. Unlike them, who had potentially up to two months to wait before they would go home, she would be heading back to her family the next day. She remembered what the woman from earlier had said- the government officials were going to do their jobs. But that wasn’t what she was doing, not really. She was simply being prioritised because she had been lucky enough to be adopted into the right family. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t do her part once she had returned, and she already knew that this outpost with all its problems could be a fitting subject for her attention.

The room had a desk, and a small pile of blank flimsis. With nothing else to do until morning, Leia sat at the desk, picked up a pen and started making her plans for when she would get home. Her astute mind already conjuring up a thousand different ways she could improve the running of this outpost and secure more funds to improve the staffing problems. The task occupied her for the rest of the day, with the only breaks she took for the meals which were brought to her.

* * *

The next morning, Leia woke with the dawn and prepared herself for the day ahead quickly. Digging through the holdall, she found herself rejecting every possible combination of clothes in frustration. There was nothing in that collection that she felt would be appropriate for seeing her family. The fake Alderaanian white dress was out of the question. She wouldn’t be able to wear it without feeling like an imposter. The rest of the colours were all too bold and bright, and with some reluctance she settled on a blue blouse that was at least slightly more subdued that the fiery reds and bold greens. She spent more time on her hair, carefully re-working it into a set of traditional plaits that she had been wearing for the past few days.

As ready as she could be, Leia went back to work on her plans as she waited for someone to come tell her what was happening. She was midway through writing up some possibilities of fundraising when there was a soft knock at the door. It was the woman from the previous day, carrying a breakfast tray and a datapad which had already been set to the news channels.

“Good morning, Your Highness.” The woman greeted politely as she set the tray down. “Your escort is scheduled to arrive later today.”

Leia thanked her politely and waited until the door had shut again before she even dared to look at the news. She was grateful that she had, as a quick look at the date had made her stagger back in surprise. _Four years_. It had been four years since she had been captured on the Death Star. It seemed an impossibly long amount of time, and yet also not long enough. It was strange to think that within a mere four years the empire had been defeated. Four years might also explain that strange unknown difference she had observed in the mirror, ageing that much would surely have had an effect on her features as she turned from a nineteen year old girl to a twenty-three year old woman.

With the initial shock wearing off, she started reading through as many articles as she could rest her eyes on, eager to find out exactly what she had missed. The first few articles were more than she thought she could bear. They detailed her parents’ first return to Alderaan after their extended absence. From what she read it seemed as though they had been arrested shortly after she had been captured on the Death Star, and imprisoned on opposite sides of the galaxy. Shortly after the empire’s defeat and the destruction of the second Death Star- _second Death Star? What had happened to the first?_ \- they had been rescued by the military of the New Republic and only in the last few days had they finally made it home. The holographs that accompanied the articles were not particularly reassuring, they mostly depicted her parents’ reunion with her aunts who had been ruling Alderaan ever since the planet had overthrown their imperial masters. The Queen and Viceroy looked far thinner than when she had last seen them, and they were both grim-faced and serious-looking as they embraced her aunts. She wondered if they had been told of her survival, and how they would have reacted.

Leia lingered for a long time over those articles until she thought to search for any news on herself. There was distressingly little information, and most of the articles she found during her first search had all been on her supposed death, as confirmed by Vader. Annoyingly, the articles only briefly spoke on this matter before they memorialised her life and her achievements, all of which she already knew as none of it spoke of the time after the Death Star.

Her continued research was interrupted by another knock on the door, and this time she opened it to find Aldric and another familiar face in an unfamiliar uniform.

“Princess Leia.” Carlist Rieekan greeted with a wide smile.

“General.” She returned, only knowing to address him so because of the bars on his uniform. He had certainly risen in the ranks since she had last seen him.

“I’ll let you both get re-acquainted.” Aldric said, and after a curt nod at the general and a short bow to Leia, he departed. Leia opened the door further, allowing Carlist to walk in, and shut it behind him.

“It is good to see you so well, Your Highness.” Carlist said formally. “We had assumed the worst, as I’m sure you’ve already heard.”

While his words were those of a polished professional speaking to his future sovereign, a slight shine to his eyes spoke far more than his crisp acknowledgements of basic facts. Carlist had known her since she was a child, and had worked closely with her once she had joined the rebellion. The news of her death, fabricated as it had been, would have struck far more of an emotional blow to the man in front of her than an outsider might have expected. Looking at him concealing his own emotions, Leia felt a thick lump rise to her throat and she struggled to stop her eyes from welling up with tears. He was something she knew and cared about, and it seemed like so long since she spoken to someone like that.

“It is good to see you as well.” She returned cordially. For a moment she felt an almost absurd need to hug him, which she restrained with some effort. “I heard it was Vader who told everyone I was dead.”

“Not everyone.” Carlist corrected lightly. “Your parents went to see him on Coruscant after they were retrieved from the prisons they had been held in, it was he who told them, and they who told the galaxy.”

“Why would they go see Vader?” Leia asked with a frown, the bigger question on her mind left unsaid- _why did Vader lie?_ Carlist looked a little bit taken aback by her question, and his next question reflected his surprise.

“Leia- I mean, Your Highness, you’ve been missing for four years. Vader is the last person we know to have had definite contact with you before you disappeared. They thought he might have known what had happened to you.”

Uneasily, Leia nodded at the explanation while her mind raced to deal with this new piece of information. _Four years_. It was roughly the same amount of time that she had lost, indicating that she had disappeared at approximately the same time she had been arrested on the Death Star. This seemed to lend some credence to her theory that she had somehow travelled forward in time, and she might have accepted it more easily as an explanation if she had woken in this time wearing the same clothes she had disappeared in. Nor could time travel explain the hotel room. Was it possible that she had simply forgotten the last four years? That seemed unlikely as well. Memories didn’t just disappear on their own, and there had been no obvious evidence of a head injury that might have caused such an occurrence. More importantly, if she had been around the last four years then why had no one known where she was or doubted Vader’s claim?

“Did Vader say anything about how I supposedly died?” Leia asked. If she had suddenly vanished in plain sight to be transported to this time, it was feasible to think that Vader might believe her dead.

“If he did, then their majesties did not see fit to tell me anything on the subject.” Carlist replied sympathetically. “I’m sure they will tell you when you have the chance to ask them.” His gaze softened as one side of his lips quirked up slightly. “Although I imagine that will not be high on their list of priorities.”

“How did they react when they found out I was alive?” Leia blurted out suddenly, and flushed to her roots. Carlist did not seem to mind her abrupt question, and he looked slightly uncomfortable as he answered her question.

“Sceptically, I’m afraid. Not that anyone would blame them.” At her enquiring look, he continued to explain his meaning.” After the Tantive IV was captured by the Death Star, we were told by the empire that you had been killed in a tragic accident. We all doubted it was true, of course. But as more time went by and there were no rumours or reports of any sightings, we all started to believe it at least a little, and that belief grew over the years. Vader’s admission robbed us of any lingering doubt.”

“But why did they just believe Vader at his word?” Leia demanded. It was something that had bothered her since the previous day when Aldric had first mentioned her supposed death. “Surely he had every incentive to lie about it?” At that Carlist looked even more confused, and she couldn’t help but wonder what part of the puzzle she was missing.

“Have you seen much of the news in the past few weeks?” He asked curiously, and after a moment’s hesitation she shook her head. “Vader has been helping the alliance.” Carlist admitted, and Leia could not have been more shocked if he had confessed to coercing the information using sexual favours. “I know it seems unbelievable.” He said hastily. “But it’s the truth. Ever since we destroyed the second Death Star, he has cooperated at every step. Without his help our victory against the Empire would have been nowhere near as assured.”

Leia allowed his words to sink in, and for the first time since she had arrived in this time she felt the sudden weight of everything hit her. In all her posturing and theorizing, she had never really stopped to digest that the empire had been defeated. This time she was helpless to stop the tears from falling and wetting her eyelashes, through a misty gaze she smiled widely at Carlist, nearly delirious with happiness.

“We won, didn’t we?”

“We did!” He grinned back just as fiercely. Before either of them quite knew what had happened they were hugging tightly, overwhelmed by the emotions of the day and the ecstatic realisation that the empire was finally, _finally_ , on the back foot. As quickly as the emotions came, they also calmed and they both stepped back again rather sheepishly at the unbecoming display.

“I should take you home.” Carlist said, looking slightly red-faced with embarrassment at his unprofessional display of emotion. He had after all just indulged in a moment of weakness and hugged his future monarch. “I’m sure you will want to see your parents just as much as they want to see you.”

“I hope so.” Leia agreed.

* * *

Carlist allowed her to pack up her possessions and then escorted her to the ship he had requisitioned for this particular mission. She was given the captain’s cabin, and from what she could see it had been recently cleaned and did not seem to have been used on the journey to Yavin. Carlist had probably been all too aware that she would sleep in that bunk, and had chosen to use the crew cabins during his travels.

In her cabin, Leia sat on the bunk and thought over what awaited her. The thought of finally reuniting with her parents caused her eyes to well with tears. From her perspective she had only seen them a few days ago, but it felt like so much longer. In a relatively short space of time her entire life had been completely upended. The mission she had planned on dedicating her life to had already been resolved, leaving her feeling stranded and strangely purposeless. Especially in the light of the huge changes that had befallen Alderaan. From what she had gathered, the planet had come under a rigid imperial rule which had removed all the freedoms the inhabitants had previously taken for granted. How could she even be an effective senator when she had no idea what they had endured? She doubted she would even be able to comprehend it, so how could she effectively represent them and their problems?

Then there was the issue of her parents. Carlist had already somewhat reluctantly warned her of their scepticism of her survival. Would that disappear as soon as they set eyes on each other, or would they watch the stranger in their midst warily? She appeared untouched from by the suffering and misery and war of the last four years. And what would happen once she explained that she had no idea where she had been or what she had done in that extended period of time? Would they think her some sort of imposter? Maybe she was. She hadn’t considered cloning as a possibility yet, although that theory too was full of holes. As far as she was aware it was not yet possible to create a clone of a specific age, so unless someone had taken her DNA as a baby it was very unlikely that she was a clone of the original Leia Organa. And a clone would not have her memories either.

“Your Highness?” Carlist poked his head around the door she had left open. “We should be arriving at Alderaan in a few hours.”

“Thank you, General.” Leia replied, still deep in thought.

“I hope you don’t mind me asking,” he began, shifting uncomfortably on the spot, “but where have you been the last few years? It’s something I’ve been curious about ever since I received the call to come collect you.” His question caught her attention, and she found herself meeting his eyes for a brief moment before she looked away.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.” He apologised.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” Leia stated simply. “It’s not an easy question to answer.” She sighed, and bit her lip as she tried to think of a way to phrase it. “To put it simply, I don’t know where I’ve been.” At that his brow furrowed in confusion as he tried to make sense of what she had said.

“Do you mean you didn’t know where you had been held?”

“No, not that.” She replied pensively. “Something happened a few days ago, I don’t know what. But a few days ago I had just been captured by Vader and then- somehow- I arrived here, in this time.”

“You… time-travelled?” She could tell from his voice the incredulity he was struggling to hide.

“I know it sounds crazy.” She said softly, raising her head to she could meet his gaze. “But that’s what happened. One minute I was on the Death Star, and the next I wasn’t. I’ve been trying to figure it out ever since.” Carlist was silent for a while as he absorbed the revelation.

“Once you’ve had the chance to reunite with your parents, you should speak to Luke.” He advised. “He might have some idea of what happened.”

“Luke?” Leia asked curiously. She didn’t think she knew anyone by that name. Carlist looked a little surprised that she didn’t know who he meant, and then realisation dawned on his face as he remembered her recent revelation.

“Yes, Commander Skywalker. He’s a Jedi. He was instrumental in the defeat of the empire.”

“A Jedi?” She asked in shock, and then hope. “Did General Kenobi receive the plans I sent with my droids?”

“He did.” Carlist confirmed with a smile that slowly faded. “General Kenobi took on Luke as a student until he was killed by Vader. If your arrival here is in any way due to the Force, then Luke might be able to help you understand it.”

“I see.” Leia said thoughtfully. She had not really considered the Force at any time during her theorizing- mostly because she didn’t really know that much about it. It might help to explain some of her more outlandish ideas. “Thank you, General.”

“I’ll let you know when we’re close to arrival.” He told her kindly, and slipped away so she could ponder what he had said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not going to lie, but half of the fun of this fic is throwing theories at you. So we now have a when, but not a how. Leia certainly has a few theories, but what do you guys think?


	5. Chapter 5

A while later Carlist reappeared, dressed in a fresh uniform and appearing more nervous than she had ever seen him. “We should be arriving soon.” He announced, toying anxiously with the cuffs of his sleeves.

“Is something the matter?” Leia asked.

“It’s the first time I’ve been back to Alderaan in years.” The general confessed. “I couldn’t return while it was under imperial rule.” He hesitated momentarily before continuing. “It will also be the first time I’ve seen the Queen and Viceroy since the takeover. I’ve been leading and working with the rebellion without their orders or advice, and I have to admit to being a little worried they will disapprove of the actions I took.” He did look worried, and she could understand why. It couldn’t have been easy to spend years operating without a commander only for them to suddenly return and scrutinise all the work that had been done in their absence.

“General, you need to remember that the actions you took _led_ to the empire’s defeat.” She replied comfortingly. “They will not have forgotten that.”

“I appreciate that, Your Highness.” Carlist did not look convinced, but he did attempt a smile as he abruptly changed the conversation. “I thought you might wish to come to the cockpit, see the planet as we fly in.”

“I would like that, thank you.” Leia rose from her seat, and brushed away any invisible specks of dust from her blouse.

It had not been what she had been expecting, Leia thought to herself, as she looked down at the planet she had been raised on with barely concealed dismay in her eyes. She knew that the empire had taken over the planet, but she hadn’t expected to see her home so changed from what she remembered. The buildings were intact but covered in imperial propaganda posters and banners, and as the ship drew closer she could even see a statue of the Emperor still standing proud and upright in the centre of the city. Work was currently underway to remove the lingering traces of imperial influence, but the men and women were clearly just starting to clean up the planet and it broke Leia’s heart to see it in its current state and so different to her idyllic memories.

She knew that Carlist was similarly dismayed to see their home as it was, but he looked on with a tightness to his jaw that suggested he had been better prepared for the sight. No doubt he had spent the last four years hearing all about the subjugation of Alderaan. Being more prepared did not appear to have helped much with processing the sight.

As they drew closer, some details became more clear- both heartening and horrifying in the messages they communicated. Many of the remaining imperial posters and banners had been heavily defaced- some entirely covered in anti-imperial graffiti, others torn or splashed with liberal amounts of paints in the colours of the Alderaanian flag. Another sight made her sick to her stomach- a set of wooden scaffolding with rope nooses still swaying slightly in the wind. The empire had clearly not extended any mercy towards Alderaanian dissenters.

“I didn’t expect it to be so bad.” Carlist said quietly. “The palace seemed fine from what I could see from the holocall I had with your parents.”

“I imagine whoever they left in charge stayed in the palace and kept it to a standard of their liking.” Leia mused.

She wondered what had become of her personal set of rooms. Had they been used by an imperial in her absence? If the thought of one of them in her bed made her shiver uncomfortably, it only worsened as she realised that they had probably riffled through her private and personal possessions. She kept her diary and an expensive bottle of whisky in a hidden compartment in her desk, and she felt a creeping redness rising up her neck as it occurred to her that imperials might have found the diary and read her deepest and most personal thoughts. It was nothing compared to what the people of Alderaan had been through, Leia reminded herself, but her skin still crawled at the thought.

“What happened after the Death Star?” Leia asked, suddenly desperate to fill in even that small gap in her knowledge. Carlist looked at her uncomfortably, and indicated a seat that she should take while he told her the story.

“Shortly after the empire announced that you had been killed in a tragic accident, the navy came to Alderaan.” He began solemnly. “Without an army and with the Death Star standing by ready to obliterate the planet, there was not much resistance. The royal family was arrested on charges of conspiring to help with the rebellion, and a large portion of the military stayed on planet to maintain order. The Emperor sent one of his men to rule the planet.”

There was a pause as Carlist frowned deeply, and Leia absorbed the information. It was nothing new, she had expected all of this to have been the case but it was still awful to hear her fears confirmed. “I think the man did something that displeased the Emperor as a few months later he was replaced with a far more vicious imperial.” Carlist continued. “Anyone who spoke out against the regime or was suspected of having rebellion sympathies was executed. Many Alderaanians fled the planet, to join the rebellion or to hide out elsewhere.”

“There were so many at the outpost.” Leia noted thoughtfully, and Carlist nodded solemnly.

“They are all finally starting to return, and it is only now that we’ve realised just how many managed to get away over those four years.” He explained. “The empire tried to hush up the escapes, so we had no records of the numbers.”

There was silence for a short moment as Carlist let her digest the news, and there was something in her facial expression that made him speak up again, his voice softened with the intention to comfort.

“I know it may all seem awful, Your Highness, but you need to remember that at the end of the day we still won. Those people are returning to their home because it is safe to do so, which is what we had set out to accomplish in the first place.”

“I know.” Leia said quietly, looking down at her hands which were tightly clenched together. “I am grateful that we succeeded, but it is still so difficult to hear especially for the first time.”

“I keep forgetting this is all new to you.” Carlist commented, and gently placed a hand on her shoulder. “At the moment you’re only hearing about the tragedies, and the losses we suffered. There were also great victories, which I’m sure you will hear about in due course.”

“With war it seems you cannot have one without the other.” She noted cynically, he squeezed her shoulder before letting go and moving to the controls so he could manually guide them towards the palace. As the familiar structure loomed into view, she felt a familiar pang of anxiety clutch at her heart as she realised that she would soon be reunited with her family. It was an encounter she had longed for since she found herself at that Oberonian marketplace, but with it now approaching so rapidly she couldn’t help but fear that it might not be everything she had hoped for.

Carlist smoothly guided the ship into the royal hanger, and Leia glanced around anxiously looking for her family but seeing no one. The hanger was unusually deserted where it had always been a busy place full of people overseeing deliveries and official visitors.

“I believe the Queen and Viceroy wanted some privacy for your reunion.” Carlist commented, as though he had read her thoughts.

A hundred or so yards in front of the ship, Leia saw a door open and a flicker of deep purple fabric before two very familiar faces came into view, and she choked back a sob as she saw her parents for the first time in what felt like days but was in reality years. Even from this distance she could see the differences in them just as she had seen them in herself in that mirror not so long ago. They both looked thin and pale, like they’d been kept somewhere dark and miserable which she suspected was not that far from the truth. Without even waiting for Carlist’s say so, Leia bolted from the cockpit and headed straight for the exit, her pace only slowing once she was outside and watching her parents walking towards her.

Once they were about ten feet away they too stopped, she watched as they looked over her in the same way as she had and saw the scepticism that had been imbued in their every movement fade away. Her mother was the first to move, in a sudden purple blur and before Leia knew what had happened she felt the wind knocked out of her as the taller woman abruptly wrapped her in a crushingly tight hug, a loud chocked sob breaking the silence. The sound made her own eyes prickle with restrained tears, and it was the familiar scent of her father as he joined his two favourite woman in the familial embrace that broke the dam and let her sob unreservedly into her mother’s neck.

The three of them remained like that for quite some time, none of them saying anything as they cherished the reunion that the majority of them had not ever dared to dream would happen. Eventually Breha pulled away slightly and cupped Leia’s face in both of her hands.

“Leia.” She breathed out, her eyes still wet with tears.

“Mama.” Leia returned, voice thick with affection which remained as her eyes found her father’s face. “Papa.” With another choked sob the embrace resumed, the trio holding each other even more tightly than before.

* * *

A while later, the family finally separated and after a brief discussion it was decided that it would be best to for them to catch up on each other lives in their private rooms in the palace rather than the hanger. At some point during their reunion, Carlist had disappeared- no doubt gone to see his own family. Much to Leia’s relief, her mother refused to let her go on the journey, her warmth and the familiar scent of her perfume providing her with the comfort she had been seeking for the last few days.

The corridors they travelled were devoid of activity, and Leia held no illusions that this was a mere coincidence. Her position as senator had not been granted to her merely as a result of her royal title but came about after years of hard work in the political arena, and she knew that the news of her survival was not just a matter for personal celebration, but also a chance for a powerful political statement. For such a statement to have the appropriate impact it was crucial that the number of people who knew about her survival was kept to a minimum. She had no doubts as to the sincerity of her reunion with her parents, but they were not stupid enough to overlook such a unique opportunity.

It only took them a short while to reach her parents’ private rooms, and once they did Leia found herself gently pushed down onto a seat. The room they were in was a comfortable family chamber she remembered well. Some effort had clearly been made to reclaim it since the imperial takeover, but there were still subtle little hints of the changes that had taken place that only someone as familiar with the room as Leia could see. A beautiful painting of the planet was conspicuously absent, and in its place was an equally pleasing but unmistakably different painting of the mountains Alderaan was famous for. It was clearly a new addition, and she couldn’t help but wonder what had existed in its place beforehand. She doubted the imperial who had occupied these rooms would have much cared for the painting she had admired since early childhood.

“We still haven’t found it.” Her father’s voice abruptly interrupted her musings and made Leia jump slightly. Turning to him, she saw that his gaze had followed her own and now rested on the unfamiliar piece of art.

“It will be on Coruscant.” Replied her mother, her voice uncharacteristically venomous. “No doubt it was taken as a trophy. I wouldn’t be surprised if it hung over the emperor’s bed.”

“Breha.” Leia’s father reprimanded her sharply but not unkindly, his gaze flickering over to his daughter briefly. Her mother paled slightly as something unsaid passed between the two Alderaanians.

“Enough of that.” Breha said, dismissing the subject matter decisively. “A painting can be replaced. My more immediate concern is you, Leia.” Her eyes softened considerably, no trace of the hardness that had tainted her motherly presence only moments ago, and she took Leia’s hands with her customary gentleness. “You can’t image how-” She stopped, as though unable to find the words. “I thought…we were-” Her mother had always been an unflappable political figure in Leia’s eyes, always full of confidence and far more gracefully eloquent than Leia could ever dream to be. It was so strange to see her now, stumbling over her words as though addressing an audience for the first time as an unseasoned politician without a prepared speech.

“I know.” Leia interrupted her, knowing the emotion that her mother was unsuccessfully trying to communicate. A mother’s love for a child, blood or not, was not something Leia had personally experienced, but she knew that her mother’s current feelings replicated her own tenfold.

“We thought you were dead.” Her mother said after a long pause, one hand reaching up to brush away a stray tear that had managed to escape. Aside from that small display of her lingering emotion, she seemed to have regained her composure. “Vader told us. He was so convinced of it. We had no reason to doubt him.”

“Yes, I’ve been told.” Leia replied uncomfortably. She still had not determined Vader’s motivations for the lie, and it made her uneasy.

“How did you survive?” Breha asked suddenly, her bluntness rather jarring and even she looked a little taken aback at her own directness. “Vader would not tell us what happened, only that you were dead. We assumed he had issued an execution order. How did you escape?”

“I don’t know.” Leia replied honestly. It was the same answer she had given Carlist, and she wondered how many times she would have to give the same explanation. “I have no memory or knowledge of the events of the last four years aside what I have experienced in the last week or so.” After a few moments where she could see her parents process the new information, they shared another strange conspiratorial look. It was so rare that they kept secrets from her, and it was a secret they undoubtedly shared now.

“None?” Her mother asked in surprise.

“None.” Leia confirmed. “I don’t know what happened after I was captured on the Tantive IV, and I don’t know how I escaped or when.”

“How is that possible?” Breha asked, sounding as baffled on the matter as Leia felt, and took the seat beside her daughter. Leia did not respond to the question, and from her mother’s thoughtful expression it seemed as though she had not expected an answer.

“General Rieekan suggested that I speak to a Commander Skywalker on the matter.” Leia ventured eventually, glancing at both her parents and seeing them almost simultaneously stiffen at her use of the Jedi’s name.

“It could be Force-related.” Her father said carefully, as though choosing his words with the utmost care. “But it might also not be, and I don’t think we should bother the Commander until we have exhausted all other possibilities. He has been very busy of late.” She could not detect a lie in the few sentences he had used to dismiss her suggestion, but she still felt that something she had said had struck a chord. But was it in relation to the Force or to Commander Skywalker himself? Before she could give it too much thought, her mother spoke up again.

“I have to agree. We shouldn’t discount the possibility that your lack of memories is simply that.” Her mother frowned slightly. “Memory loss is not a subject I am familiar with, but Medic Ellis might be.”

“Are you sure about that, Breha?” Bail asked, not sounding convinced that the Alderaanian medic that had handled their family’s health since as far back as Leia could remember would be a wealth of knowledge on such a niche topic. To Leia it also seemed unlikely, there was no denying that Ellis was a good medic- he would not have become the medic of the royal family otherwise- but it seemed unlikely he would know much beyond what was necessary to treat the most common illnesses and injuries.

“I am.” The queen insisted. “And if he does not, I am certain he will soon acquire the necessary knowledge. He _was_ a specialist in researching rare conditions before he entered our employ. He’s also loyal, and I would rather trust this matter with someone we know than with a specialist stranger that would be all too willing to sell the story to a tabloid.”

Her mother’s words held more than a grain of truth, and Leia found herself nodding in agreement. The thought of the rest of the galaxy finding out about her current state did not sit comfortably with her. There would be plenty of enterprising people seeking to benefit from such absence of knowledge by filling it with broad speculation and outright fabrications that she would not be able to deny.

“Ellis has been back for a few weeks, we could speak to him today.” Bail said thoughtfully. “He stayed with family outside of the capital while the empire was in power, but he returned as soon as they were overthrown. He shouldn’t be busy, as far as I’m aware.” While Leia was grateful for the offer, she still shook her head.

“Not today.” She said with a weak smile. “Finding out tomorrow won’t change the outcome of what happened.” Leia hesitated slightly. “Could we spend the rest of today just as a family?” She knew it was selfish to ask. They were no doubt incredibly busy with the restoration of Alderaan, but she couldn’t help her desire to spend a few hours in their familiar presences before she rocked her already unsteady world with yet more information and clues.

“Of course, sweetheart.” Breha said immediately without even a moment’s hesitation, and when Leia turned to look at her father he nodded in agreement. In that moment their compassion was almost more than she could bear, and she gratefully accepted her mother’s embrace if partly because it gave her an excuse to hide her stinging and tearful eyes in the soft fabric of her mother’s dress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay guys, I’m super overwhelmed at the moment with real life. So the Organas have now joined the investigation, the only issue being that they have their own secrets to keep ;) . I will say that their secrets are probably what you’re expecting them to be, but as Leia doesn’t know I can’t make it any clearer in the actual text of the story.


	6. Chapter 6

Over the course of the evening, Leia’s parents filled her in as best as they could about the four years she had missed. It was a lot to take in, and she couldn’t help but feel a little overwhelmed – not at the quantity of information but at just how much she had missed. The Death Star that she had been held on had been obliterated by the rebellion a few mere months after her capture. It was strange to think that something the rebellion had been dreading for so long, something that had seemed so incredibly formidable to her, had been destroyed within such a short amount of time. Everyone on it, including Grand Moff Tarkin, were killed. That piece of information had given her pause, but wary of any questions it might raise she had kept her expression as neutral as possible.

After the destruction of the weapon they had spent so long building, the empire had cracked down even more on any dissent, and there had been a number of skirmishes between the rebellion and the empire. Finally, during a confrontation on the second Death Star, Commander Skywalker had convinced Darth Vader to return to the light side of the Force, whatever that was supposed to mean, and together they had killed the Emperor. It all seemed so fantastical, Leia thought to herself, particularly the last point in the story. From the way her parents had told it, it sounded as though all it had taken was a stern talking to from Commander Skywalker and Vader had switched sides. The thought sent a sharp and unfamiliar pang of jealousy through her that took a while for her to shake off. It seemed so unfair. How had this Jedi from nowhere managed to convert Vader in a single conversation when she had spent over a year in the galactic senate pointing out the empire’s atrocities as blatantly as she had dared?

She would have doubted the truth of Vader’s conversion to the rebellion had there not been so much evidence to prove it was genuine. Ever since the destruction of the second Death Star, it appeared he had been the rebellion’s greatest asset- providing them with passcodes, weaknesses in defences, the location of secret stashes of weapons, every possible piece of information that could help them. The core worlds would never had been retaken so quickly without the intelligence he had provided them freely without reward or coercion. The fool had not even asked for immunity as payment, and there were still plans to prosecute him for war crimes of which he was apparently well aware and not attempting to discourage.

Regardless of Vader’s new outlook, the brief and clearly sanitised accounts of her parents’ four year imprisonment she had been given over the evening meant that she was not feeling particularly forgiving. While her mother and father had not pretended that their time in the custody of the empire was pleasant, Leia was also sure they had not revealed anywhere near the ordeal they had suffered. She recognised the names of the prisons they had each been held in, and neither were known for their careful treatment of their political inmates. She could tell neither of them would appreciate her prying, and that both of them simply wanted to move on and forget about the experience as much as possible.

Leia respected their wishes, and in turn she was sure that they bit back the thousands of questions they had for her regarding the past week she did remember. A silent agreement had come into effect when she had postponed the visit to the medic, and she wondered how she could ever begin to explain what she had found in that hotel room. Those items which still weighed heavily in the bag that had not left her side were the only clues to the life she may have led over the gap in her awareness. She didn’t have an explanation for any of them, and she couldn’t help but fear what they might think when presented with the same evidence.

They had talked late into the night, and once they had exhausted the topic of the past they ventured into the safe territory of the restorative works currently being carried out at the planet. Such discussion was enough to cover the rest of the hours of the day, and she had been struggling to stay awake while valiantly defending her suggestion that she should get involved with work at the Alderaanian outpost. Her father had been debating her admirably, citing that she should take some time to recover, when Breha had interrupted them to point out that it had been a long day for all of them, and they would all benefit from a full night’s sleep.

Leia had been too tired to argue any further, and had not protested when her mother had gently guided her into one of the adjoining rooms. It was not her bedroom- she had her own set of rooms down a nearby corridor, but it was the room she had stayed in during early childhood when her parents had still wanted her to sleep relatively near them. She remembered it well, but even in her current state she could see it had been completely redecorated into a soulless spare room that had no doubt been occupied by some imperial or another. The sheets on the bed she slumped on had at least been changed, she was certain the previous occupant would not have been happy with such sunshine colours. So it was without any complaint that Leia let her eyes fall shut and fell asleep, one hand curling around the bag that had not left her side.

* * *

When Leia gradually awoke the next morning, it was to the familiar and comforting sensation of her mother brushing a hand over her braids.

“Good morning.” Breha said softly as she spotted that her daughter had woken up and withdrew her hand. “Did you sleep well?”

“Better than I have the last few nights.” Leia admitted, and sat up. She had slept in the clothes she had worn the previous day, and she felt a burst of gratitude that she had. She didn’t think her mother would have reacted too well if she had arrived in the room that morning and seen her daughter in the nightwear she had taken to wearing recently. The thought of it instinctively made her look around for her bag, and she felt a spark of distress as she realised it was no longer beside her.

“Are you looking for your bag?” Her mother asked. “I moved it while you were sleeping, you looked like you were uncomfortable.”

With a swift movement, Breha reached down and brought the holdall back into view as she returned it to Leia. Leia’s hands immediately curled around the strap of the bag as she soothed herself that it had not disappeared. It was the only connection she had to the past, and she hadn’t realised how precious it had become until she had thought it lost.

“You’ve not let that out of your sight.” Her mother commented, eyeing the bag with curiosity. “Why is it so important to you?”

“Did you not open it?” Leia asked warily.

“Of course not!” Her mother replied instantly, a frown crossing her face. “I would not invade your privacy in such a way without your consent.”

“I’m sorry.” Leia apologised. “It’s been a difficult few days.” With that declaration, Breha’s expression relaxed again.

“I understand. Anyone would be a little uneasy in your position.” Her eyes again found the bag at Leia’s side.

“It isn’t much.” Leia explained, feeling as though she owed some information to her mother. “Just some things I found when I-” she hesitated as she tried to find the right words, “woke up. I’m still trying to piece together what it all means.”

“Maybe I could help? Two heads are sure to be better than one.” Her mother suggested.

“Thank you, but I think I need to try to understand it for myself first.” She replied, trying to infuse as much affection into the refusal as she could. She didn’t want anyone else laying their eyes on what she had found, at least not yet. It was not out of a need for secrecy, but if it had been Leia who had led this life which had required such items, the best person to try to understand her motivations was herself, and listening to another’s theories might only confuse her rather than lending any further clarity.

“If that is what you want.” Breha said understandingly. “But if you ever want to speak about it, or anything else, I am always here for you.”

“I know.” Leia replied affectionately with a sincere smile. Her mother reached over with a hand and lightly squeezed her own.

“Your father has spoken to Medic Ellis about your situation.” Breha said slowly. “He’s done some research, and whenever you feel ready he can do a scan and see whether or not your memories have been tampered with.” Leia nodded, she couldn’t put it off anymore.

* * *

“It is a pleasure to see you alive and well, Your Highness.” Medic Ellis said cordially to Leia with a wide smile as she took the offered seat. He was completely unchanged from what she remembered- still the same small and bookish man with a shock of cloud-like grey hair she had known since childhood. She was glad he knew about her situation, he was one of the people in her life she would have trusted with anything.

“You too, Ellis.” She returned politely, trying her best not to fidget with anticipation. Like when she had gone to sleep on Oberon, this was another occasion where she could definitively confirm or deny one of her theories and she couldn’t help but feel a little nervous. She and the medic were alone, her mother had wanted to join them but Leia had refused her. There was too much to be done and she had already occupied enough of her parent’s invaluable time.

“This will only take a few moments.” Ellis told her, his back to her as he typed instructions into a keypad attached to a medical droid.

“What will it involve?” She did her best to hide the anxiety she was feeling, she had never particularly liked being tended to by medical droids.

“Just a brain scan.” He reassured her, turning back towards her. He pressed a few buttons on the droids front, and a large circular ring emerged from a compartment within the machine. Ellis tapped the ring lightly. “This is the scanner, it will pass around your head in a few different orientations and scan your brain.” He drew closer to her, the droid following him obediently. “With your permission?”

Leia nodded, and tried not the flinch as the droid moved nearer. The ring was extended and after a few adjustments it began its work, passing around her head just as Ellis had said it would, a gap at its base allowing it to around her neck without hindrance. It took a few minutes, but eventually the ring withdrew carefully.

“Is it done?” She asked warily.

“It is.” Ellis replied, already busily typing away on the keypad again.

After a few moments, a projector on the droid lit up and a blue 3D hologram of a human brain appeared. With a few more taps, the outer layers appeared to peel back to reveal the deeper structures which Ellis examined with interest. He pressed several more keys and small portions of the structures lit up red. He manipulated the hologram some more, examining certain structures in more detail and then returning to the outer layer of the cerebral cortex. She let him perform his examinations in silence, and tried to push down the rising worry that something was wrong. Eventually he nodded to himself, and leaving the hologram on he turned back towards her.

“Your suspicions that your memories have been manipulated were correct.” He said finally.

“I didn’t have any head injuries when I woke up.” Leia commented quietly, her gaze drifting back to the hologram.

“There is no evidence of any recent injuries.” He agreed. “But there is evidence of changes to most of the brain regions associated with memory. The hippocampus and neocortex, which are both associated with long term memory, show particular evidence of having been affected.”

“Do you have any theories as to what may have happened?” She asked, and he nodded vigorously.

“When I was researching how to identify destructive changes to memory, I also looked up how these changes could be brought about.” He paused to catch her eye. “There are drugs, _highly illegal drugs_ , which can remove years of long term episodic memory, the memory you have of your own life, while leaving everything else untouched.”

“You think someone drugged me?” Her shock was palpable. It was not something she had ever expected, that someone might actually be responsible for the situation she had found herself in. But why? Why would someone do that to her? And more importantly- who?

“I do.” Ellis said solemnly. “It is the only explanation I can think of. There are documented instances of it occurring in the past that I was able to find. The amount of time lost varies considerably from case to case. I read one story where a few days was lost- an attempt to block a man’s memory of catching his fiancée in the act of infidelity, and another where a woman had her whole life erased so she had no memory of the sexual abuse she had suffered during her childhood.”

“Is it reversible?” Leia asked immediately, and her heart sank when she saw him slowly shake his head.

“No it isn’t. There have been some attempts, but none have yet been successful and in many cases treatments actually caused more damage.” He looked her directly in the eye, sympathy shining from him. “I’m sorry to tell you, but you will never regain those memories.”

Leia bit her lip as she mulled over this new information. It was difficult to take in. When he had first confirmed the memory loss, she had been quietly relieved as it was at least an explanation of what had happened to her. But this new revelation had completely stripped that emotion from her. If it had only been a few days that she had lost it might not have been so devastating, but this was _four years_ ’ worth of memories that she would never get back.

“Your Highness?” Ellis gently interrupted her thoughts. Brushing aside her dark mood, Leia looked back up at him. “Is there anything else you would like to know?” He asked kindly.

“No, I think you covered everything thoroughly.” Leia replied quietly.

“If you would like,” he began cautiously, “I could do a thorough medical exam. Four years is a long time, if I find anything it might be help you piece together some of what happened.”

“Thank you, Ellis. But I’m not sure I could cope with anymore unpleasant surprises today.” She said and sighed heavily. “Thank you for everything.” She told him sincerely. “I really appreciate all the research you did, it has been hugely helpful. I’m just sorry I can’t be more grateful right now.”

“I wouldn’t have done any less for you.” He told her kindly. “I’ve looked after you ever since you were a baby.” He reminded her with an affectionate smile before he turned serious again. “If you change your mind about that medical exam, you know where I am.”

* * *

Once her appointment with Medic Ellis was over, Leia hefted the strap of her holdall over her shoulder and made her way to her set of rooms. Ellis’s office was within the royal apartments so her journey did not have any witnesses. The cleaners followed a very strict schedule which Leia had memorised years ago, and which made moving around the apartments undetected easy. There were guards at the entrance to the apartments, but as long as she did not leave she did not risk being seen by anyone unaware of her survival.

Stepping into her rooms was a stranger experience than Leia had imagined. Everywhere she had looked previously had borne striking evidence of the imperials who had temporarily resided there, but her own rooms appeared totally untouched. Everything was as she had left it four years ago before she had boarded the Tantive IV for the last time. The books on imperial law that she had been studying were still open to the chapters focussed on senatorial powers, and the corkboard she had used to explore her ideas looked completely unchanged.

The experience might not have been so strange if everything had been covered in a layer of dust, because that would have meant that the rooms had simply been abandoned over the past four years but everything was scrupulously clean. It was possible that the imperials had neglected the room, and the cleaners had done their usual work but it still seemed off. Leaving her sitting room to check her bedroom and refresher revealed much of the same- all her toiletries were still present and in place, and the book she had been reading was still on her bedside table. It was all rather eerie.

In her bedroom, Leia dropped the holdall on the bed and made short work of unzipping it and pouring the contents across her sheets. The clothes she made quick work of washing with an autovalet before folding them and returning them to the bed. After a few moment’s thought, she bundled together the bright clothes with the makeup and blasters, and wrapped the assembly in the fake-Alderaanian gown. The package she had made she hid among her own clothes, the white of the gown blending in easily with the pale colours she had customarily worn.

She hesitated over the man’s shirt. There was no longer any reason to keep it, she had plenty of nightgowns that were equally comfortable if not more so. But it seemed wrong to just discard it like it had meant nothing. She had grown strangely fond of it over the last few days, and she wondered how much significance it had held to the Leia of the last four years. Had it been given to her by a friend? Or had she bought it herself for some reason. The years of wear did not necessarily mean it had belonged to someone else before it had been hers. Maybe she too had once been stuck without suitable nightwear, and had been forced to wear the shirt due to a lack of suitable alternatives. Maybe it had grown on her too, and she found herself in the same position- with nightwear available but a reluctance to actually use it.

Regardless of what Leia thought about the shirt, she knew that she couldn’t continue wearing it. It would be difficult to explain should anyone catch her in it, and had it not been for her mother’s firm stance on privacy, already one person would have known about it. And quite frankly, she didn’t want to hear anyone else’s analyses on theories on why it might have come into her possession.

Decision made, Leia swiftly moved over to her desk and kneeled so she could open the bottom drawer. She removed the files on citizen enquiries to take to the senate and then carefully unwedged the false bottom of the drawer. Inside the hidden compartment was her diary and her favourite bottle of whisky, exactly how she left them. Leaning back onto her heels, Leia unfolded the piece of flimsi that had been tucked into one of the pockets of the holdall. The handwritten list she had found on Oberon had not become any less mysterious with the recent revelations but the five names were now firmly imprinted in her mind. She refolded it and tucked it between the pages of her diary. Once done, she carefully folded up the newly cleaned shirt and placed it over her diary, before returning the drawer to the state it had been in.

With the task of hiding away the items she had found completed, Leia straightened up and after a final look at the rooms of her past, she turned away and left to find her parents, eager to hear what they might think about the confirmation of her amnesia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Important point - the story given at the beginning of this chapter is the official story that was told to the Organas once they were rescued. Also I can confirm that the theory that Leia has amnesia is correct. The mystery now is what happened in those four years! I have a really busy few weeks ahead, so I’m probably not going to update anytime soon. If you don’t have this fic on e-mail alert, I suggest you change that otherwise you might miss the update.


	7. Chapter 7

Leia met her parents later that day when they shared their evening meal. One of the tasks her mother had occupied herself with was discerning the most loyal and secretive of the palace employees and letting them in on the secret of Leia’s survival as well as the importance of discretion at the moment. As such, as long as she didn’t leave the royal apartments she was in no danger of being identified by someone not in the know. And it had been nice to see a few more familiar faces bringing food up from the kitchens to the informal dining room, but Leia still waited for them to leave before she told her parents about what she and Ellis had discussed earlier that day.

“That is troubling news.” Bail said thoughtfully.

“At least it is news.” Breha reminded him. “If Ellis hadn’t been able to confirm that Leia’s memories were erased, we would have no clue what avenue to pursue next. At least this tells us _something_.”

“It does lead to more questions than answers though.” Leia pointed out. “Like who drugged me and why.”

“’Why’ might be easier to answer.” Bail replied, and looked at Leia with an undecipherable emotion that resembled worry. “The Alliance had no clue what happened to you, and Vader at least seemed to have some idea, even if he was incorrect. I think it is safe to assume you were imprisoned as we were.”

It was not an implausible explanation, Leia thought pensively as she mulled it over. In fact it was one of the few explanations that would make sense. If she had somehow managed to escape the empire’s grasp in those four years, then logically she would have gone to Yavin to join the rebellion since Alderaan would likely already have been under the empire’s thumb. The fact that Carlist had no idea of her survival proved that she had not ever re-joined the rebels. A niggling suspicion struck at her.

“I woke up on the planet Oberon.” Leia revealed suddenly. “Isn’t that near…?”

“Nux prison planet.” Her father finished her thought, the expression on his face stony.

“There should be a record if that was where I was held.” Before she could go on to suggest they request access to Nux’s records, her father was already shaking his head.

“Unfortunately no.” He told her. “Once it became clear the Alliance was winning the war, some of the imperials began erasing all the records. Almost everything was lost- all the prison records, all the orders for the various atrocities committed. We still have personnel records, but precious little else.” He made a short gruff sound of annoyance. “We think they did it to try to eliminate as much evidence as possible to avoid prosecution. Without evidence of the orders, the New Republic will struggle to convict.”

“The alliance tried to search for you in the prison records when they were rescuing us, to see if they could locate you at the same time.” Breha added quietly. “But they had already been destroyed.”

“I can’t help but think-” Her father started but stopped suddenly.

“Think what?” Leia asked, pushing down a slight burst of irritation at his hesitance. If he had a theory about what had happened to her, he had no business trying to keep it from her.

“If we assume you were held on Nux,” he began slowly, “we can probably assume you were held there the entire time. If you woke up on Oberon, as you said, how long ago was that?”

“Just over a week ago.” Leia answered, wondering what point he was trying to get to. He nodded absently and continued his train of thought.

“We were rescued before then, so even before that as soon as the imperials had any inkling that they might not win the war they must have destroyed the records. But you were still being held then.” He paused as he continued to construct his theory. “By the time it was clear that the Alliance was winning, the warden would have had significant reason to start panicking. He was holding you prisoner, and chances are that you were mistreated as your mother and I were. The alliance would eventually have to go to the prison planet to manually search for any political prisoners, so you would have been found. And if you were, the warden would have had to face charges for any maltreatment you had faced.”

He paused then to allow Leia and Breha to process the information.

“The warden would have had to get rid of you.” Breha spoke up, her words mimicking Leia’s thoughts.

“He couldn’t have you killed in case we were able to trace it back to him.” Her father continued. “It would have only made matters worse for him. He also couldn’t afford to hand you over to the alliance in case you told them about any abuse you had suffered on his orders.”

“The best option was to dump me on another planet and drug me so I wouldn’t remember anything that was done to me.” Leia finished off the theory.

It all sounded perfectly reasonable, but there was still a huge hole in that theory and the evidence that destroyed those logically conclusions was a few corridors away and hidden in her desk and drawers. If someone had dumped her on another planet, it appeared that they had let her stay there for a few days before wiping her memories. Apart from that, the rest of it was sound. There might have been a reason she had been in Oberon for that time, but for now it was completely lost to her.

“The lengths some people will go to avoid the consequences of their actions.” Breha shook her head in disgust. “At least many of the worst offenders are already dead. To think of them able to walk the streets because they escaped punishment, it makes me sick just considering it.”

“But why would Vader think I was dead?” Leia interrupted her mother’s near-vengeful musings. It was odd to hear her talk so venomously, completely going against the teachings of Alderaan. Prison had clearly jaded her.

“He might have issued an order for your execution.” Bail suggested. “He could have done that shortly before the destruction of the second Death Star, and they might have hesitated to carry it out when the news reached them of the death of the Emperor. If he issued the order he would expect to be obeyed immediately, he might not think that they would have waited to see how the war turned out.”

“That could explain why he was so convinced she was dead.” Breha mused absently. “I can’t help but wonder what he’ll do when he finds out Leia is alive.”

At that comment, Leia watched in confusion as she saw her father shoot a warning look over at his wife. Her mother started guiltily, and the way she suddenly glanced over at Leia made her think that perhaps that sentence had not been intended for her ears. Her mother had looked far away when she had said it, as though she had been remembering her interaction with Vader and for a moment had forgotten that Leia was present.

“Regardless,” Bail firmly changed the subject, “this theory is probably the most likely. And we should start to think about releasing some information to the public, even if it is as little as that you have been found alive and well. The New Republic interim government have already been informed, as have a select few officials on Alderaan, and of course your aunts have been told.”

Leia perked up slightly at the last point. She had always had her differences with her father’s siblings, but that didn’t mean she hadn’t missed them terribly. Her father seemed to notice that upswing in her mood, and smiled fondly.

“They wanted to see you today, but I didn’t want to overwhelm you since I knew you were having your scan today. If you want, you could see them tomorrow?”

“I’d love that.” Leia agreed, and then wrinkled her nose slightly. “At least until they realise that my survival means another chance at trying to marry me off.” She joked, and her father laughed. Her marital prospects had been a favourite pastime for the three women, and one they might be eager to get back to. Especially in the light of the still tentative hold the New Republic had over the galaxy. An arranged marriage could potentially lend some stability, even if it was the last thing Leia wanted at the moment.

* * *

Curled up in the familiar sheets of her own bed Leia stared up at the ceiling, wracked with insomnia. She knew the reason for it, it was her thoughts keeping her awake well into the early hours of the morning. Ever since her father had described his theory it had remained on her mind as she tried to reconcile what they had guessed with what she knew. Eventually her brain had managed to connect the dots and she had come to a horrifying realisation. And yet again, it was the shirt hidden in the secret compartment of her desk that was the source of her worries.

There was no denying that there was still that distinct hole in her father’s theory, but she thought that she had managed to find a solution, horrible as it sounded. She wasn’t stupid, she knew that among couples women would occasionally use their partner’s clothes as sleepwear. Perhaps she had been rather naïve in her assumption that she would reject such romantic norms. Because the only reason why she could think that she had managed to escape a prison, only to end up on a different planet with her memories wiped possessing little other than a slew of disguises and a man’s shirt was if she had managed to seduce a guard.

When the thought had first entered her mind she had dismissed it almost immediately for how insane it sounded. But late at night she found herself considering it again. Why was it so ridiculous? To her it might have seemed so, but only because she had never been put in such a difficult situation before. Once she tried to put herself in the shoes of the other Leia, one who had probably been imprisoned for years, and had likely endured unimaginable torment at the hands of the imperials, it did not seem as absurd. Desperation could push people beyond their limits, make them do things that they would ordinarily never even consider. Especially when under extreme pressure, like the pressure of knowing the empire would soon fall and knowing she was an inconvenient prisoner.

It was difficult to think it, but she knew that it was not impossible that the other Leia may have resorted to such measures if she thought it would grant her a reprieve from the torment. And she did not think seducing a guard would be beyond her skill set. While she may not have had any real romantic experience, she was still a politician and she knew how to read people. She didn’t think it would have been too difficult to select a mark, probably one of the younger guards with a number of easily exploitable weaknesses. Pride, greed, thirst for power. She knew how to play those kinds of men, and with the empire on the brink of collapse her sweetly whispered promises may have seemed all too tangible and tempting.

She could have act the innocent naïve princess overwhelmed with infatuation, suggesting that all those offers of wealth and power would be worthless should she be killed, and subtly convince the mark to aid her escape. Once free from the prison with her unwitting companion, she would have had to maintain the charade until she returned home, and probably wear a number of disguises until then to ensure she was not recognised by any of the remaining imperial spies. The plan had likely been that once back on Alderaan, she would have dropped the pretence and had the guard arrested. But something had gone wrong. Most likely the guard had realised that her act was simply that. Unable to kill her in case it traced back to him, and fearful for his life should someone discover that he had been so easily deceived, it may have made sense to him to erase all those pesky memories.

If her elaborate and somewhat fantastical theory was true, then the guard had succeeded in his goal because she would never be able to identify him. Those memories, and whatever secrets they contained, were lost forever. And he, whoever he was if he was even real, would escape the consequences of his actions. That was not the thought that troubled her, it was the idea that she had been forced to take such measures for her own safety, and what might have happened to her that made her think that was the only option. The only consolation was that, if her theory was indeed true, he was likely too embarrassed at having been fooled to ever come forward with the truth.

* * *

If Leia’s parents noticed the dark circles under her eyes the next day, they were careful not to say anything. Her aunts were not as polite, and within minutes of their reunion they had crowded around her, all concernedly clucking about how thin and tired she looked. There was nothing malicious about it, so she submitted to their attentions with what little patience she did possess. Eventually they did withdraw and their comments switched to the affectionate, all of them clearly overjoyed to see her alive and well. 

“We are planning on releasing a public statement about your survival today.” Her father said, bringing the conversation topic straight to business. “We aren’t going to reveal much, just that you have been found alive and well and have returned to the palace.”

“I have no objection to that.” Leia replied. Her words were calm but her insides twisted uncomfortably at the thought. In the light of recent revelations, she still worried that someone might come forward with some devastating declarations that would threaten to rock the still fragile balance she had managed to find. The only thing that kept her from outright panicking was the knowledge that if anyone did know what had happened to her and had wanted to come forward, they could have just as easily done that when confirmation of her death had been made public.

Seeming to sense her conflict, her mother approached her quietly. Her aunts were busy speaking to Bail, possibly strategizing how best to release the information and did not notice the comforting hand Breha placed on Leia’s shoulder.

“The sooner the public knows, the sooner life will return to normal.” Leia smiled weakly at her, but inwardly she snorted at her mother’s attempts at reassurance. She doubted life would ever be normal again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited 17/11/2017 to remove any mention of the character Winter. Unfortunately, I can’t find a way to fit her into the main story so I’ve decided for the sake of the story that she doesn’t exist in this universe. Sorry if anyone is disappointed by this, but I decided it was better not to have her than to have her and not use her at all.


	8. Chapter 8

The day after her reunion with her aunts, a carefully worded and controlled statement by the royal family was released to all Alderaanian and galactic news organisations. It did not reveal much, but did state that the previous statement made by the Queen and Viceroy based on information given to them by Darth Vader had been discovered to be incorrect. Princess Leia had been found alive and well, and had since returned to Alderaan to recuperate, and that the royal family would appreciate some privacy at this difficult time.

When Leia had first read the statement, she had hidden her reservations. The statement had not included any suggestion or speculation on where she had been while she was missing, and she understood why. Revealing that she was suffering from amnesia would have only invited people desperate for some quick cash to make up any half-believable story to sell to some of the less reputable networks. But equally, leaving it so open ended would only make people more curious.

Her suspicions were proved correct when over the next two weeks the news was consumed with speculation and theory, some less kind than others. Like her father, many of the networks believed she had been imprisoned for the duration of the war. But fuelled by the lack of information, some had started to suggest that she had been more than just a prisoner but also an informant to the empire. Those claims were rapidly refuted by a spokesperson for the New Republic government who had hotly declared that if Leia _had_ betrayed the rebellion, they certainly would have known about it. As a spy, she had known many of the rebellion’s deepest secrets, including that the rebel base had been on Yavin and where they had been considering moving to should evacuation be necessary, as well as the names of many of the spies they had working in the empire. The empire had never acted on any of that information, which immediately told the Alliance that no word of it had ever left Leia’s lips. The spokesperson had further declared that if she had been imprisoned, she should be commended that she had never betrayed any information to the empire especially when considering the harsh interrogation tactics the empire were known to use.

The suspicions had quelled after that, but not the curiosity and the media speculation still ran rampant over what she may have endured. She had managed to catch a few of broadcasts, and to her slight surprise none of them ever displayed an image of her during their discussions. It had seemed odd to her, and when she had asked her father about it he had solemnly told her that all the images of her stored online had been destroyed. The only surviving ones were physical copies, which in these technologically advanced years were exceedingly rare.

“But why?” She had asked in bewilderment. It made no sense to her, and neither to her father it seemed, as he had only been able to shrug in response.

Regardless of her initial scepticism, her mother had been right and life was now slowly starting to return to normal as Leia tried to find her place in this new galaxy. As she had vowed, she had found the poorly staffed assembly of individuals in charge of the Alderaanian outpost and had started a drastic overhaul of how the refugees would be processed and handled based on the notes she had made since she had been there herself. She had requisitioned funds from the still disorganised Alderaanian government, and commissioned the fast build of simple droids that would allow automation of form processing, which meant that the low staff numbers actually at the outpost would be less overwhelmed. The end result had been a severe cut in the wait list for individuals returning to Alderaan, and her work had drawn her much admiration and respect from the officials who had wondered if she had lost her edge after her long disappearance.

Despite her professional life taking a positive turn, her personal life and her past continued to throw nasty surprises at her as more time passed. Medic Ellis’ offer of a full medical check remained a powerful temptation for her to find out something more about her past, but she still shied away from it. The commentary by the news organisations that she had likely been tortured by the empire was the major reason for this. It was one thing to think that you might have been tortured, another to know it was true.

That didn’t mean she hadn’t done her own investigations. Once she had heard the first speculative reports on the news, she had spent an evening after a shower carefully checking over every inch of her skin for any scars or marks that she did not remember. She hadn’t uncovered anything particularly incriminating, but that didn’t mean nothing had happened to her. There was torture that left no physical marks- drugs, Vader’s reported mental probing. And even for physical torture, if care was taken it did not actually have to leave any surface marks behind. There were treatments available to prevent or remove scar tissue. And when it came to high profile political figures, it was usually of benefit to a regime to avoid leaving overt evidence of their actions unless there was something to gain from it. What Ellis could tell her from his examination is whether there was any signs beneath her skin- evidence of formerly broken bones, or torn muscle, or deep scar tissue not visible on the surface.

There was some part of her that just did not want a firm confirmation of what happened to her. She preferred to live in continuing ignorance about her past, content to cling to the theory that everyone else seemed to believe without any concrete proof. In that regard her own body seemed willing enough to defy her, and force her to confront the harsh reality she lived in. And it hadn’t even been her who had first notice her body’s betrayal, it had been her mother.

Leia and Breha had an old tradition they had kept as far back as she could remember. On the evening of the last day of the week Breha always went to Leia’s rooms, and the mother and daughter would spend a few hours together, catching up on any worries or troubles that were facing them. Her mother would braid her hair, and offer her wise advice on any particular difficulties Leia was dealing with, whether with the senate or with more personal matters. With everything going on after Leia’s return, they had both forgotten to resume the tradition for those first few weeks. But upon seeing her daughter so downhearted one night, Breha had declared that they should resume it and had appeared that evening at her door with a small bottle of sweet wine.

The evening had been more poignant than previous instances, with so much time separating that night from the previous ritual. She had been enjoying the peaceful evening and her mother’s gentle ministrations until she felt the brush in her hair still suddenly as her mother appeared to stop the brushing motion without any clear reason.

“Is something the matter?” Leia asked, trying to catch her mother’s eye in the reflection of her vanity’s mirror. Breha’s gaze was transfixed on the crown of Leia’s head.

“Have you looked at your hair recently? Properly.”

“What do you mean?” Reaching out for one of her loosened braids, Leia pulled them it her line of sight, letting the silky strands slip through her fingers. She couldn’t see anything out of the ordinary.

“Your roots are…” Breha hesitated. “Very pale.” Frowning, Leia pulled away from her mother so she could inspect it for herself. True to Breha’s words, and much to her own surprise, the roots of her hair were not just pale- but completely white. With her hair constantly kept in intricate braids that she could assemble blindfolded and thus often did not bother with a mirror in her morning preparations, she had not seen the change. The sight was so strange and surreal that she stared at it in disbelief for a few seconds before scrambling closer to the mirror, as though examining it in more detail might somehow make the colour revert back to its natural brown.

The next day, Leia found herself seated again in Medic Ellis’ office, wringing her hands nervously as he finished off the research he had needed to do to understand what might have happened to cause such a sudden change in her hair. He had already taken a small sample- a couple of strands, and processed them but had wanted to do some reading before he told her anything conclusively.

“I’m afraid it’s not just your roots, Your Highness.” Ellis said grimly. “The rest of your hair is the same under the dye.”

“Dye?” Leia asked in confusion.

“It appears you have used a commercial product to dye your hair to the shade it was previously.” He clarified, and demonstrated the proof of it to her. He took another few strands of her hair, and immersed one in a solution. The brown colour fled the sample to stain the clear solution, leaving a snow white strand behind.

“But white isn’t my natural colour, how could this have happened?” An uncomfortable expression crossed his face before he straightened up and resumed his professional mask.

“There are a few records of similar cases. Usually regarding individuals who have been tortured by the empire.” He checked her face carefully for any signs of distress before continuing. “One of the drugs they use in their interrogations causes immense pain, and for reasons we don’t yet understand one of the side effects is this bleaching. Individuals who experience this side effects suddenly find that any new hair they grow is completely white.”

“Is there any other explanation?” She asked quietly, and already knew the answer from the grim set to his face.

“I’m afraid there isn’t any other explanation that could account for so sudden a change. Even over four years, if it had been some natural occurrence, we wouldn’t expect to see such a complete change.” He told her grimly.

* * *

When Leia told her mother, and later her father, of what Ellis had said. They had both been hugely sympathetic, understanding and kind. But neither of them had expressed even the slightest indication of surprise at the clear proof that she had been tortured, as though it was something they had expected even if they had prayed it had not been the case. Breha at least had instinctively known what Leia had wanted, and the next night arrived at her rooms carrying a bottle and brush that Leia had never had to use before.

In her refresher, a loose-haired Leia had watched as her mother squeezed out a small amount of the dye onto the brush and had proceeded to cover up the white that had caused so much trouble. Passively, Leia had let her mother gently manipulate her head into position and tried her best not to shed the tears that were pooling in her eyes. She had thought that life would return to normal, and that she could just ignore the past four years. Time it seemed was not content to be so easily forgotten.

“I want to speak to Vader.” Leia said suddenly, her distress pushed away by a sudden red hot burst of anger. “He must know something.”

“I’m afraid that’s not going to be possible.” Breha replied gently. “The Alliance is still trying to extract every bit of information they can for the push on the Outer Rim worlds.” She then hesitated for a moment before continuing. “And due to his… current mental state, he isn’t being allowed any visitors that might cause him distress. The only reason we were allowed to see him is because he was so insistent about it.”

“Current mental state?” Leia repeated in disbelief, and watched as her mother hesitated again, her gaze refusing to meet her daughter’s face.

“Since Vader turned back to the light side of the Force, he appears to have been wracked with guilt over what he has done. There are concerns he might try to end his own life.” There was something strangely gratifying about Vader finally knowing what a monster he was, Leia thought to herself with a sense of grim satisfaction. She only wished it had come at a more convenient time.

“So he should be.” She answered coldly, her mother ignored the comment and leaned back to set aside the brush and dye.

“The dye needs to be left for a few minutes to work.” Breha commented, leaving on the plastic gloves that had come with the kit and reaching for the instructions.

“Thank you for this.” Leia said quietly.

“You don’t need to thank me, I’m happy to help.” Mindful of her gloves, her mother gingerly reached her arms around Leia and hugged her gently.

“I know it’s stupid.” Leia said, hating how choked up her voice sounded with the effort to hold back her anger and distress. “I shouldn’t be so upset, it’s only _hair_ but-”

“It’s another thing that has been taken away from you.” Breha finished the thought. “You’re coping remarkably well, Leia. I don’t know if I would hold up so well if I couldn’t remember years of my own life.” Breha gently tugged at some of Leia’s hair as she changed the subject. “You’ll need to learn to do this for yourself. The dye will only last for a few weeks.”

Grateful for the distraction, Leia nodded as she brushed away a few stay tears. “Chin up sweetheart,” Breha said kindly, “you’ll get through this, I know you will.” Her confidence was heart-warming, but she couldn’t help but feel it was misplaced. She felt that with yet another wrong push, she would crumble to pieces.

* * *

“Have you given any thought to marriage, Leia?” Her Aunt Rouge asked bluntly over breakfast one day, almost making Leia spit out the juice she had been in the middle of drinking. The only people in the dining room that morning were herself, her father and her aunt and she was a little grateful that she only had a small audience for her near accident.

“It seems a little soon to start thinking about that.” Bail said drily. “She’s only been home a few weeks.”

“On the contrary, now is exactly the time to start thinking about it.” Rouge replied. “With all the media speculation about her past, the best way to avoid dealing with any uncomfortable questions is to give them another big story to sink their teeth into.” Objectively, Leia knew that what she said was fair but she still felt her hackles raise at the suggestion.

“I suppose you already have a list of candidates drawn up.” Leia replied acerbically.

“Don’t be snarky, Leia. I’m only thinking about what is best for you and the New Republic.” Rouge admonished, a slight tinge to her cheeks suggesting that Leia’s comment may have accurate.

“Well forgive me if I don’t see how marriage to a complete stranger is of any benefit to me.”

“Leia!” Her father said sharply, a warning look in his eyes regarding how she was speaking to his sister, and Leia swallowed back an even more mean-spirited remark. “It does seem a bit soon, Rouge. We can deal with the media.”

“It isn’t _just_ the media.” She replied. “The New Republic needs to forge a strategic alliance to get the necessary funds and resources if it wants to retake the rest of the Outer Rim, and they need to do that soon.”

“That’s a little misleading, Rouge.” Bail reprimanded. “The Republic doesn’t _need_ the alliance. They want it because it would certainly help. And there are ways other than marriage for such alliances to occur.”

“Tell that to the Hapans.” Rouge shot back. “They have been resistant to all current attempts at forging an alliance, but everyone knows they are still looking for a suitable wife for Prince Isolder.”

Slightly bewildered, Leia switched from looking from her father to her aunt. This did not sound like a fresh argument. Had Rouge already previously tried to bring up Leia’s marriage to her father in private?

“I appreciate the point you’re making, Aunt Rouge. But I don’t think I’m ready to start thinking about marriage. I’m still trying to adjust to the present.” Leia said, trying to be as reasonable as possible and saw her aunt’s eyes soften.

“I understand that, and I wouldn’t normally push this so strongly.” Leia raised an eyebrow at that. “I wouldn’t!” Rouge repeated defensively, and Leia couldn’t avoid the small smile that escaped her. “But unfortunately we are on a time limit, and if you are going to marry it will need to be for the most advantageous reasons.”

It was a difficult situation, and if it hadn’t concerned her so personally, Leia may have had fewer objections. Her father and aunt were both right. The Republic probably could retake the outer rim worlds without a strategic marriage, but the costs would potentially be devastating to the fledging government without a close ally to shoulder some of the burden. Regardless of her personal opinion, Leia knew what the correct political decision was, and it was not something she could just brush aside without consequences.

“I’m not making any promises.” Leia warned her aunt. “But if you get me your list of candidates, I will _think_ about it.” Thinking about it was all she could offer at the moment, but her aunt’s answering beam caused a flare of guilt to twist at her insides. Even her father looked sadly satisfied by her offer. It was as if he too found the thought distasteful but knew that for better or worse it was the right thing to do.

* * *

Later that morning, Leia met with her mother to discuss her progress with the Alderaanian outpost. Throughout it, Breha looked at her in concern as though she could tell there was something bothering Leia. Once she had completed her report, the older woman congratulated her on her work, and gave her several pointers and pieces of advice before changing the subject back to a personal one.

“Is something the matter? You seem a little on edge.” She asked, mother concern tinging her voice.

“It’s nothing important.”

“If it’s bothering you, it is important.” Breha retorted. “Don’t bottle things up.”

“Aunt Rouge has made some compelling points for why I should start considering an arranged marriage.” Leia said eventually, revealing the crux of her current problems.

“You’ve always expected to marry for political reasons.” Breha said gently. “You’ve never seemed particularly bothered about it before, is it the timing?”

“No. Not really.” Leia sighed, and slumped down in her chair. “I can’t stop thinking about what might have happened during my imprisonment.” She blurted out suddenly. “What they might have done to me and if they…” She trailed off, unwilling to voice aloud a growing worry she had held close to her ever since her father had told her his theory and her torture had been confirmed. Female prisoners had never been treated well by the empire. Luckily, she didn’t have to say anymore as from the realisation that dawned on Breha Organa’s face, the Queen had clearly guessed the source of Leia’s concerns.

“No matter what may or may not have happened.” Breha told her firmly, taking her hands in her own. “It does not make you any less than the brilliant, wonderful person you are. And it doesn’t make you any less valuable or precious.”

It was the exact reassurance Leia had needed, and Breha had even guessed how Leia’s concerns related to the possibility of marriage. The comments on value had not been intended to commodify Leia, but had touched upon her worries that should a marriage be arranged that it could be rejected by potential suitors should it be found that Leia was no longer pure. It was a reminder than in these modern days, something like that would be overlooked especially when considering the likely reason.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reminder of the upsetting content warning in the tags. The majority of this is in regards to the confirmation that Leia was tortured. There won’t to be any flashbacks and therefore nothing too explicit, but she is going to be finding out more and speculating about it. Also, I quickly wanted to point out that Leia’s lack of scars and hair colour change is for plot reasons, not aesthetic reasons. I didn’t wake up one morning and say ‘scars are icky and Leia should look more like a Targaryan’. Final point I’m posting this a little bit earlier because I will be having a meltdown over the weekend, said meltdown is also why the next chapter might be delayed.


	9. Chapter 9

As Leia had promised, she eventually found herself pouring over a series of files sent to her by her Aunt Rouge. Each document containing an image and series of facts about a specific suitor. The information listed was purely political in its content, and provided a clear description of the potential advantages such a match would bring to the republic. She had a sneaking suspicion that this was not purely her aunt’s work. All over the files were the fingerprints of the New Republic interim government, from the high political content of the files, to the last page which put forward Prince Isolder as the preferred candidate. Leia bitterly wondered when the plotting had begun. Had it started as soon as her survival had been revealed? Or had they been considerate enough to wait until the news was spread to the rest of the galaxy? Judging by the amount of research present on these pages, it had clearly not begun recently.

Pushing the flimsis away from herself, Leia let her head drop down to lightly hit her desk and let out a loud sigh of frustration. When she had first fallen in love with the idea of being a politician and representing the people she cared so dearly about, she had never really thought that this would be one of her duties. Scanning through lists of men as though choosing which specific speeder model to buy. She had always known that it was likely she would marry for political gain rather than out of personal reasons, and in the past she had accepted it without too much compunction as she had never really had the time to form any such attachments that could lead to marriage. But now that she was faced with it, she realised she had only ever seen it as some sort of abstract future.

It had never been real to her, and it was only now that it was becoming a reality that Leia realised that it was not something she wanted. She was not opposed to it per se. There was no part of her throwing a tantrum and demanding that she marry for love and nothing else. She had never been that idealistic or naïve, and she knew that love and respect could grow even in an arranged marriage. What she most objected to was that these plots and plans were being carried out without her input. She was simply expected to be a good compliant princess and marry their chosen candidate without complaint.

Pushing aside her feelings on the subject, Leia drew the flimsis back towards her and did her best to try to assess the candidates as objectively as she could. But the more that she stared at the black and white writing, the more she found herself having difficulty concentrating. A strange wave of nausea had hit her quite suddenly, and it was making the world around her blurry. She held it off for as long as possible, convinced she could push past it through sheer willpower, but before too long she had a hand clasped over her mouth as she ran to the refresher.

A few minutes later, while rinsing the lingering taste out of her mouth, Leia wondered what could have brought about such a sudden and fleeting moment of illness. As quickly as it had come it had faded, leaving her baffled as to why it had occurred in the first place. After some consideration she eventually dismissed the odd incident as having been brought about by stress. It would not have been the first time she had made herself ill with worrying, but the absence of accompanying symptoms like a headache and erratic heartbeat left a lingering doubt in her mind over whether she had assumed correctly.

When the sickness returned later that day, she dismissed the stress theory and instead put it down to an odd case of food poisoning that she was sure would pass within twenty four hours. When it returned the next day, and the day after that, and the day after _that_ , Leia began to worry she may have dismissed a more serious threat than she had first imagined. It had been weeks now that she had been home on Alderaan, and she wondered whether the sickness she was now experiencing was some sort of long-term complication from the drugs she had been given to erase her memory that was only now beginning to emerge. Leia cursed herself quietly. Ellis had offered her a blood test along with the full medical exam, and she had refused the lot. She realised now that she should have at least consented to a blood test, if not the exam, to determine whether there were any lingering traces of the substances in her bloodstream.

Fearing that the sickness might be the least of her problems if she continued to ignore her past, Leia let out a sigh and once her stomach had settled she set off for Medic Ellis’s office. He welcomed her as he always did, and she was grateful for it. Someone else may have been less kind considering how frequent her visits had been, especially when her problems could have been resolved with one single medical exam.

“How can I help you today?” He asked, putting away his prized vintage book of human anatomy.

“I would like to have the medical exam, if you have the time.” Leia said, pushing aside her remaining doubts.

“Of course.” He agreed immediately. “May I ask if anything in particular has brought this sudden change of heart? Is there something you are especially concerned about?”

“I’ve been sick the last few days.” She admitted. “I thought it may have something to do with the drugs I was given.”

“That _is_ possible.” He said, rubbing his beard thoughtfully. “I would have thought symptoms would have manifested before now, but as these drugs are illegal there has been so little research as to the potential side effects.”

“How do you want to proceed?” She asked.

“I would like to start with a blood test, if you agree.” Ellis began. “With so little to go on, multiple analyses will need to be performed. I won’t bore you with the details, but it will take some time. While the droid does that, I can perform the physical examinations.”

To his proposed plan, Leia nodded and rolled the sleeve of her dress up to bare her forearm as a sign of her agreement. She watched as he took the sample, and hoped that the crimson fluid would hold some answers.

An hour or so later, Leia retook her seat in the office with all the physical exams performed as Ellis perused over the notes and scans he had obtained at his desk. The droid behind him still mechanically humming quietly as it continued to perform tests on her blood sample. At the medic’s urging, Leia moved her chair nearer to him so he could explain what he had found.

“The results are what we expected.” He told her apologetically. “There is extensive evidence of extreme interrogation techniques having been used, even with the absence of any signs at the skin.”

Leia had already steeled herself for such news, and while it caused her momentary discomfort she found it surprisingly easier to deal with that the shock her hair had been so recently. Perhaps it was because she had been prepared for it rather than surprised. Or perhaps it was because the hair was something she had found herself having to deal with in her present reality rather than it being an event that had happened in the past that was not affecting her now.

“Can I see the evidence?” She asked, raising her head so she could meet his gaze. She had no intention of flinching away from the harshness of the reality she had experienced now that she had decided to confront it head on.

To Ellis’s credit, he made no attempt to dissuade her from her choice to see it for herself, even if he looked uncomfortable as he carefully laid out a series of scans in front of her. They were images of her bones, and she didn’t need to be an expert to see that hers did not resemble what would have been expected. Liberally scattered over many of the scans was clear evidence of regions where broken bones had mended over time. She had been lucky in her life never to get into any serious accidents that could have contributed to the sight she saw before her. And the sheer number of mended breaks in the few scans Ellis did show her could not have purely been the result of chance.

“Is any of this recent?” She asked, sifting through more of the scans.

“No, actually.” Ellis said, the tone of his voice making it clear that this was not something he had expected. “There are a few signs of relatively recent trauma, but these are quite rare. The majority of what you can see here is a few years old.”

“What about the more recent signs?” She asked, and he pulled away a few of the scans to point them out to her.

“These fractures look accidental.” He explained. “They are more recent than the rest, and not as precise, which makes me think they weren’t inflicted intentionally.”

Leia frowned heavily as she took in this new information. Put together it seemed to suggest that a few years ago, maybe around the time she had been captured on the Death Star, she had been subjected to the empire’s interrogation techniques for a period of time and mostly left alone after that. It made sense, she supposed. She doubted the empire would have been content with simply imprisoning her without first attempting to find out what she knew. Ellis’s slight cough interrupted her thoughts and she gave him back her attention.

“I have examined similar scans from individuals who have been interrogated by the empire.” He told her solemnly. “Their injuries were not as extensive as yours.”

“What does that mean?” She asked with a frown.

“I’m not sure. It may indicate that you were interrogated for significantly longer than was normal.” He suggested. “For how long and why, I couldn’t say.”

Before he could say anymore, the droid gave a short high-pitched noise indicating it had completed its analysis. Ellis moved away to examine the results, leaving Leia to ponder what he had said. His explanation reminded her of the statement the New Republic had released. The empire had never acted on any of the intelligence she had known about, suggesting that she had never given up rebellion secrets. Could that explain the lengthened interrogation? It was plausible, but if it was true Leia wondered how she had managed to hold out for such a long time. She knew that she was strong willed, but even she had her limits. It seemed absurd to think that she had managed to hold out until the empire had just given up.

“Your results have come back, and I believe I might have an explanation for the sickness you have been experiencing.” Ellis said. He looked very uneasy, more so than he had when going over her other results.

“Is it the drugs?” She asked immediately.

“No. Not the drugs.” He shifted uncomfortably. “All the analyses returned as normal. You appear to be in perfect health.”

“Then why have I been sick?” Leia demanded, feeling a spark of irritation at his evasiveness. She knew that it wasn’t out of any malicious intent, if any he might be trying to spare her some truly awful news. “Just spit it out Ellis, I can take it.” He nodded wearily.

“It appears that you are pregnant.”

* * *

Ellis’s declaration had stunned Leia into total silence, and she had barely heard him as he continued to elaborate on his finding. Instead, her conflicting emotions on the revelation had wrestled with each other as her mind raced through the various stages of denial, horror and doubtful acceptance. She did not want to believe it was true, but a small nasty voice at the back of the head drily reminded her that morning sickness was always the most obvious sign of such a condition, and really she should have suspected it long before Ellis confirmed it was the case.

Numbly, she nodded her way through Ellis’s explanations and excused herself as quickly as possible. He didn’t look perturbed at her abrupt thank you and dismissal, and instead looked at her with such pitying sympathy that for one mad moment she felt a sudden urge to demand that he stop looking at her like that. Swallowing back the unnecessarily harsh reaction, she thanked him insincerely again and left the room as quickly as she dared, conflicted between her desire to run to her room and her deeply ingrained training to always appear the composed and calm princess regardless of how she felt on the inside.

Once in the privacy of her own rooms, her mask of composure slipped and she was immediately overwhelmed again with the emotions she had frantically held at bay for the short journey. With the shock of the initial reaction and instinctive denial of the truth wearing off, Leia felt a sudden burst of anger at whoever had been cruel enough to take away her memories. It felt like someone had taken her speeder for a joyride. Driven it around a couple of planets, scrapped up all the sides and dented the front fender, then had returned it to her with no explanation of what had happened and leaving her to deal with the consequences of their actions. But these consequences couldn’t be fixed with a trip to the garage and a few credits lost. A child grew inside her. A child she had no memory of conceiving, and who had promptly ripped away any remaining delusions of innocence and virginity that she had held. Within the year, that child would be brought into this world and it would be Leia’s responsibility to love it and raise it despite having no idea how it had even come into existence. And when it came down to it, did she even want to know? The other Leia’s movements were still completely up for speculation, and there was not even the slightest hint or suggestion as to the identity of the father. The father could just as easily be a violent imperial as a prince. And realistically she knew it was far more likely to be the former considering where she had likely spent the majority of the last four years.

The thought of a stranger’s hands on her, knowing her so deeply and intimately, made her feel physically sick in a way that was totally different from the morning sickness she had been experiencing and she rushed into the fresher before she could empty her stomach onto the floor of her bedroom. Standing at the sink, her hands white knuckled as they gripped at the rim, she forced herself to take deep breaths as her mind continued to race. Had the other Leia known about the baby? What had her plans been? Looking up into the mirror, Leia faced her unfamiliar reflection and silently begged it to tell her something, anything that might tell her what she should do. The other Leia must have known pregnancy was a possibility. Ellis had not detected that she was taking any forms of contraception, and the implant at her hip that she had been meticulous in its maintenance since she had first been given it at sixteen was suddenly absent. These were among the many questions she wanted to ask her past self, but her reflection remained as silent and impassive as ever. The secrets those eyes had seen over the last four years stubbornly maintained.

Ellis had been able to give her some information that shed light on what may have happened. She was not very far along in her pregnancy, and his estimation placed the conception chillingly close to the destruction of the second Death Star. He had noted as such, absently as though attributing it to pure coincidence where Leia did not. The more she thought about it the surer she became that it was no coincidence. The two events were intimately connected, and it was highly likely that the Alliance’s act which had turned the tides of the war had spurred a furious imperial to punish the nearest symbol of the resistance at hand in the worst possible way. Perhaps some other imperial with a conscience had taken pity on her after that, helped her to escape and then erased her memory so she couldn’t ever identify them. The induced amnesia would have also had the effect of erasing the memories of any trauma that she had experienced, but what it had not done was erase the physical consequences.

* * *

Leia was still digesting the news several hours later when she was startled by a knock on the door to her rooms. It was her mother, and for one brief horrifying moment Leia thought that the reason she was there was that she _knew_ , that Ellis had told her. At her silence, Breha’s kind smile turned to a frown.

“Is something wrong Leia?” She asked and reached forward to gently place her hands on her daughter’s shoulders in a comforting gesture.

“No.” Leia replied automatically as she calmed down. If her mother had known about the baby, she would not have needed to ask such a question. And Ellis would not have violated her privacy like that without her permission, it had been a moment of madness to think that he would. “Did you want to speak to me about something?”

“Rouge told me she sent you that list of suitors,” Breha explained, “I thought you would find it useful to discuss it.”

The offer was innocent and well-meaning, but it caused another spike of panic to grip Leia’s heart. With the rollercoaster of emotions she had gone through that day, she had completely forgotten that she was supposed to be considering her marital prospects. Now she realised that marriage was completely out of the question. The powerful and influential families that had been put forward on those flimsis on her desk would have been willing to overlook a less than virginal bride, but a bride carrying someone else’s child would not be so easily dismissed. With a sudden sharp sense of urgency, Leia realised she would have to tell someone. And she would have to do it soon, before anything even as innocuous as a meeting was arranged. One of her aunts may have already invited a potential suitor to Alderaan to help Leia with her selection. Even if nothing came from the meeting, if it was later discovered that she had known she was pregnant at the time then it could be seen as a huge insult. Some could even accuse the royal family of considering a quick arranged marriage to try to disguise the child’s parentage.

“Leia!” Breha said loudly, finally drawing her daughter’s panicked gaze back to her. “I’ve been trying to get your attention for a few minutes.” The concerned mother said, her voice infused with worry. “I know you said nothing was wrong, but something clearly is bothering you. Talk to me, maybe I can help.”

“I can’t get married.” Leia blurted out. “I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” Breha reassured her once she had recovered from the surprise. Clearly she had not been expecting that to be the problem. “Your father and I would never have forced you to go through with it.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.” Her mother insisted, lightly rubbing her hands up and down Leia’s arms. “I only wonder why you’ve suddenly changed your mind.” She said softly. “You’ve never shown any reluctance or issue about an arranged marriage in the past. Is there a reason?” Wordless, Leia was only able to nod in response, and looked away from her mother unwilling to make eye contact. “Could you tell me what it is?”

“No.” Leia managed to say. “Not right now.”

“That’s fine.” Breha replied kindly. “Don’t worry about your aunts, I will deal with them. You won’t be forced to do anything you won’t want to, or tell anyone why until you’re ready.” Her fingers lightly pushed up Leia’s chin to encourage her daughter to look at her. “But when you are ready, I hope you will tell me your reasons.”

“I will.” Leia said quickly, her relief at her mother’s understand clearly evident. “Just not today.”

“I understand.” Her mother squeezed her gently. “Well I had allocated my entire evening to speaking to you.” Breha abruptly changed the subject. “It seems a shame to waste it. Why don’t we call for some hot chocolate and watch some sappy holodrama together?” Choking out a laugh, Leia nodded and let Breha gently steer her into a chair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the middle of exams so there will still be chapter delays, but I managed to get this written in between revision sessions so I thought I would post it.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I get really bad author’s block during the summer once the stress of uni starts to fade. I got through the first half of this chapter in September, but then I got really stuck on that big reveal and to be honest, I’m still not totally happy with it. As has been a trend, half of my plan has had to be pushed into the next chapter. Can’t promise a quick update since I’m still super busy, but I hope you all enjoyed this latest chapter.

She could just get rid of it. It was one of the first thoughts that occurred to Leia once the shock of discovering she was pregnant had worn off. Abort the baby, pretend it had never existed and move on with her life. It would not be difficult. Ellis could discreetly acquire the necessary drugs and supervise her once she had taken them for any unexpected complications. He would keep her secret, and no one else would ever need to find out.

Despite how neatly an abortion would solve all her immediate problems, Leia was unable to muster any enthusiasm for the idea. While she didn’t expect herself to joyfully leap into Ellis’ office, she found herself strangely reluctant to even think on the subject for too long. She had never had any moral objections to a termination, and even now if she logically examined the situation as a dispassionate observer she thought it the most logical step to take. Yet something uncomfortable niggled at her. If she at least remembered what had happened it may have been easier, but the mystery meant that for every nightmare theory of a faceless violent imperial there was also a wishful dream-like fantasy of a dashing rescuer. She knew that it was likely the part of her that was still nineteen and idealistic that refused to completely dismiss the idea of the latter, and the more jaded and cynical twenty-four-year-old she had become that thought the former.

But while thoughts of ridding herself of the baby were difficult, it was not any easier to consider keeping it. Even with several months of pregnancy left, Leia felt woefully unprepared to be a mother. And nor did she feel any inclinations to be one at the present time. Adoption was a possibility, but not one that she felt was conscionable. She was enormously privileged, so she would not be giving up the child because of an inability to provide for it. Her own adoption was also not a topic she could shy away from. Her biological parents were dead as far as she was aware, they had not had a choice in placing their child in the adoption lottery, and it made Leia feel a deep burst of guilt that she would be doing the same but for less noble reasons. If adoption did turn out to be a necessity, if she reached the end of her pregnancy and still couldn’t cope with the thought of being totally responsible for another human being, then there was one relatively simple possibility. She knew that if she asked it her parents would raise the child without complaint, but she also was not certain of what her own reaction to such an eventuality might be. Maybe unlike Leia, the child would be more interested in finding out their heritage, and what would she have to tell them?

The third option- keeping the child, was no more palatable than the previous two. It may have been selfish of her, but Leia couldn’t help but think of how limiting a child would be to her life, career and ambitions. For every person that looked on her in pity, there would be others making snide comments and inventing salacious gossip as to the identity of the child’s father. It would also not be fair to the child, to subject it to the media scrutiny she had been living with her entire life. And unlike Leia whose reputation had been more or less stellar, the child would trudge throughout their existence shackled to a scandal. Princess Leia’s prison baby, or some other such nonsense. And while the child’s physical needs would certainly be taken care of, she was unsure of her ability to handle their emotional needs. Would she be able to love a child that was potentially the product of rape? What if every time she looked at that trusting face she could not stop herself from thinking which of those features were from the nameless man that had assisted with its creation? It would not be fair to burden the child with her own uneasiness and fears.

Abort, adopt, keep. The thoughts, benefits and downsides continued to plague her mind every hour of the day and night. It was a vicious cycle, and every time Leia thought she might have nearly come to a decision, her conviction left her and she found herself again debating and questioning what would be the best option. A part of her wanted to write it all down, to see if that made the choice any easier. But the instant she picked up the pen and flimsi, she was struck with a crippling sense of fear and paranoia. What if someone found her clinical analysis of the situation? She could already picture all the people that would judge her and think her cold and in the end, she put the flimsi back unmarked.

Instead the debate continued to rage inside her without any form of relief or outward expression, which Leia knew was not healthy but she still didn’t feel comfortable confiding in anyone quite yet. Even at their regular family breakfast she felt unusually morose as she picked absently at her plate of sliced Alderaanian fruits, trying to summon some appetite even though it had been virtually non-existent since Ellis had delivered that unexpected news. So much for all that ‘eating for two’ nonsense she had always heard about.

“Leia!” Her head shot up suddenly as she became aware of someone trying to get her attention, to find all three of her aunts looking at her with a faint aura of disapproval.

“Did you hear what I said?” Her aunt Tia asked, clearly trying to hide the exasperation in the voice.

“No sorry, Auntie.” Leia replied apologetically with a weak smile. “I have a lot on my mind.”

“We asked if you had looked over the list Rouge sent you?”

Leia felt her heart drop into her stomach. Since her conversation with her mother, the whole matter had completely slipped her mind, and for good reason. She couldn’t think of anything worse than getting married in her present state. For one it did not matter how quick the arrangements were made, there was no way that she could pass off her child as her new husband’s. The timings would be out, not to mention how incredibly unethical a move it would be. The political and personal fallout alone would destroy not only her reputation but that of the entire royal family’s, and could even potentially impact Alderaan’s diplomatic relations with certain systems. But of course, now was not the time to explain this to her aunts.

“No, I haven’t had the chance yet.” She lied, doing her best to appear nonchalant about it, as though she really hadn’t had the time.

Rouge sighed. “Leia, I _wish_ you would take this more seriously. The right alliance now could seriously benefit the Republic.” Her other aunts nodded in agreement, while Bail looked on thoughtfully. Leia bit her lip as she tried to think of the best way to handle the situation.

“I’ve been thinking, and I don’t believe a political alliance is suitable.” She explained carefully. “I’m not ready to get married.” Except for Breha, everyone else around the table looked surprised at her sudden change of heart.

“Well that’s understandable, considering what you’ve been through.” Celie said kindly, and for a moment Leia thought that the matter would be dismissed that easily. “A prolonged engagement would be an excellent solution, allowing for both an alliance and time for you to get used to the idea.”

“I don’t _want_ to get used to the idea.” Leia replied through gritted teeth. “I don’t want to get married. Not now, not in six months’ time, and not in a year’s time. If I choose to get married it will be _my_ decision, not anyone else’s.” She had tried to keep her voice steady and calm throughout her short speech, but by the end her irritation was clear, and both her father and aunts looked taken aback by her conviction.

“But-”

“I believe Leia has made her thoughts on the matter clear.” Breha said firmly, interrupting whatever Rouge had been about to say. “If she does not wish to get married for political gain, then I support her decision. For over twenty years, we have fought against the empire for freedom, and I will _not_ sell Leia’s away.”

Bail looked as though he was about to disagree, but anticipating him Breha spoke again. “I don’t wish to hear any more on the matter.” She said with an air of finality, in the voice she typically used when acting handling political matters as queen, effectively ending the conversation in an instant.

The rest of the table looked taken aback by the Queen’s decisive and abrupt declaration, Bail most of all. After that, no one spoke again and the tense atmosphere was filled with only the sounds of cutlery scraping against plates. Leia pushed her own dish away, unable to even contemplate eating another mouthful. She felt conflicted. Part of her was hugely grateful for her mother’s firm defence. Without her backing, she likely would have had much more difficulty in getting the topic of marriage dropped. She only wished her mother had not had to resort to using her authority to stamp down any opposition. It made Leia feel as though she had come between her mother and father, and that had been the last thing she had wanted.

A few short minutes later, her father stood up and excused himself from the table, and the hurt look he sent in Breha’s direction just before he left made Leia’s insides twist uncomfortably. This was her fault. More than ever, she wanted to try to find some resolution but the only solution she could think of was also the one she most dreaded. She needed to tell someone the truth. More than that she needed comfort, reassurance and advice. She felt hopelessly alone coping with everything by herself, and as she had already discovered with the burdens of her mysterious past, it was easier to deal with disaster with someone else by her side to help face the challenges ahead.

As soon as her father had gone, one by one each of her aunts cited a different clearly fabricated reason for why they needed to leave. Out of the corner of her eye, Leia watched her mother raise an elegant eyebrow when Tia claimed to have forgotten to water her rare Venusian tulip, somehow managing to forget that Venusian tulips were aquatic plants and thus were kept submerged in tanks and did not need watering.

Eventually Leia was left alone with Breha, and could relax slightly now that she was no longer under as much scrutiny. She half-expected her mother to make her own excuses and leave, but to her surprise the queen poured herself another cup of floral-infused tea, seemingly unconcerned by the rest of the family’s need for distance and in no rush to attend her official duties.

“Thank you.” Leia managed to say eventually, after a long period of silence. “But you didn’t have to do that, I could have handled it.” Even saying it, the words sounded hollow. They both knew she was wrong. She had not been handling it well, she had been on the verge of losing her temper and who knows what she might have said in a moment of anger.

“Yes, I did.” Her mother said simply. “You are my priority Leia. Your happiness and safety are my utmost concern, and it will be the same for your father once he accepts the reality that you don’t want to get married.” Breha lightly touched Leia’s cheek with the tips of her fingers. “You will understand one day, when you have children of your own.”

Her mother’s statement, while totally innocent and oblivious to the meaning she had inadvertently imparted, prompted a near-hysterical choke of laughter from Leia. And with that it seemed as though the dam had burst open, and she found herself nearly doubled over and quaking as that unhappy laugh continued to erupt from her.

“Leia, what-?” Even Breha’s startled response was not enough to shake her out of her disturbed mood.

“So in a couple of months?” Leia remarked bitterly. “Then I’ll understand.” A drop of something that felt like rain splashed against the back of her hand, and she focussed on the remains of the teardrop with morbid fascination. She didn’t even know when she had started crying. Perhaps she was just getting used to it, she had been spouting off like a damn fountain what seemed like every five minutes.

“Leia, what are you trying to say?” Her mother just looked baffled, clearly struggling to put the pieces together. Maybe she just didn’t want to know, Leia thought, perhaps she was unable to put her sentence and Leia’s response together because she simply didn’t want to believe it.

It would have been so easy, Leia couldn’t help but think, if she had been long married. She could picture it easily: her and some nameless, faceless husband holding hands while she said that fateful phrase, “I’m pregnant”, with a happy smile. Then her parents would hug her and congratulate her, already excited for their new grandchild. Instead of that joyful scene, her own revelation had unfolded more like that of a teenager who had made a drunken mistake, in tears for a very different reason than happiness.

“I’m pregnant.” And with that, her confession was finally out in the open, with no opportunity for her to take it back.

For a while her mother just sat there and stared at her, for once all her queenly composure gone as she just looked at her in total abject shock. Then her face morphed into another expression, one Leia barely had any time to decipher before Breha left her seat and engulfed Leia is a layer of silk.

“Oh Leia.” Breha murmured, her voice sounding as broken as Leia felt. “I’m so sorry.”

* * *

After the emotional breakfast reveal, the Queen had cancelled her day’s plans and took Leia back to her rooms. Once there, Leia had curled up against her mother like she had when she was a young child, and allowed Breha to comfortingly stroke her hair. For how long they remained like that, soaking in each other’s comfort, she couldn’t say- but she knew that it couldn’t last forever.

“Do you know how far along?” Breha broached the topic delicately.

“Ellis put the date around the destruction of the second death star.” Leia replied dully, and around her shoulders she felt her mother’s arm tighten as she came to the same conclusion that she had- that her current state was a punishment for the rebellion’s success.

“Have you thought about what you’re going to do?” Her mother hastily changed the subject, and Leia shook her head.

“I’ve thought about it, but I haven’t been able to make a decision. I don’t know what to do.”

“You still have time to think about it.” Breha reminded her. “There’s no rush, and I will support you no matter what you decide in the end.” Her mother’s voice was as firm as it had been at breakfast, leaving Leia in no doubt that she was being completely sincere.

“Thank you.” She said quietly.

“Thank you for telling me.” Breha returned sympathetically. “I can’t even imagine what you must be going through.”

Of course she couldn’t, Leia thought with a pang of sadness. For her mother it must have been such a cruel joke the universe was playing on them. The Queen had tried for years to conceive a child, and  been through rounds of every conceivable fertility treatment. Each failure must have felt like a stab to the heart. And now her adoptive daughter had cruelly been given that blessing under the worst possible circumstances. There was no jealousy, only a burning hatred for the unfairness of the female reproductive system that withheld one woman’s greatest desire and forced the unwanted burden on another.

“How are you handling all of this?” Her mother asked.

“Not great.” Leia admitted. “I was already struggling to deal with everything else, and then _this_ came along. It feels like as soon as I get used to one change, the rug gets ripped out from under me and I feel as helpless and lost as I did on Oberon.”

“Vader has a lot to answer for.” Breha remarked darkly, making Leia turn towards her suddenly in surprise. She had never heard the Queen sound so disgusted. Even when passionately arguing for her favourite causes, Breha Organa had always maintained a certain sense of aloof political detachment that helped to convince people that her view was the correct one. Now she sounded as though, given the opportunity, she would take a certain amount of satisfaction in ripping Vader limb from limb.

“What did he say to you, when you spoke to him on Coruscant?” Leia asked curiously. It was something she had been wondering for a while, but the vengeful look on her mother’s face was promptly replaced by an expressionless mask.

“He told your father and I that you were dead.” The response seemed rehearsed, and Leia knew instinctively that there must have been more to it than that. What was her mother hiding from her?

“And what else?” She asked.

Breha shook her head. “Nothing that you need to know right now.”

“Did he say something about my past?” If he had then she needed to know. She already knew so little, and any clue her mother could give her might help stop her from being blindsided by another surprise.

“No, not really.” The Queen hesitated. “We only spoke for about five minutes before he asked to be taken back to his cell.”

“But he said something else?”

Breha was quiet for a while. “He did. Please don’t ask me what, at least not yet.” Her mother took her hand gently. “I’m not keeping it from you to hurt you, my dear girl, but with everything that’s happened I don’t think now is the time.”

The old Leia, the nineteen-year-old who had been so confident and self-assured about her place in the world, would not have let the matter slide. She would have demanded she be told immediately, damned be the consequences. The old Leia had always favoured having all the information, even if what she found out was terrible. But she wasn’t that naïve girl anymore. She felt weak and fragile, like a vase which already had a crack in it. Any more pressure and she would shatter into a thousand pieces, and _she hated it_. She hated that her reality had been shaken to its core again and again, but right now she honestly felt she could not take another surprise.

Leia changed the subject. “What do you think I should do? About the …” She couldn’t say it. She couldn’t even force the word out of her mouth. But it did not matter; her mother knew immediately what she meant.

“I can’t make that decision for you. You need to do what is best for you. But,” and now Breha made sure to look directly at her daughter, “you know what I’m going to say.” Leia hung her head and nodded. “Your father needs to be told.” Breha finished.

“I know.” Leia shifted, already picturing her father’s face when he would receive the news. Like her mother he would be shocked, but after that? His temper was certainly worse than the Queen’s, and she could not see him reacting as calmly and sympathetically as her mother. “Will you help me?” She asked, already unable to even think of speaking to her father without her mother’s supportive presence at her side.

“Of course.” Breha promised. “We can tell him together.”


	11. Chapter 11

The hardest part was over. Leia had managed to tell her mother the truth and had secured her support, but now she needed to repeat the whole ordeal again with her father. It would be easier this time, she told herself, Breha had promised to be there and help deal with Bail’s reaction. Her mother had already done her best to ensure the revelation proceeded as painlessly as possible for Leia. She had made all the arrangements: organising the time and date, and acting as a go-between so that Bail couldn’t question Leia directly about the subject matter of the meeting. They had specifically selected a day when Bail had a clear afternoon with no important appointments scheduled, Breha agreeing with Leia that he was unlikely to be in fit to state to handle official duties after they had spoken to him. The location had been chosen equally as carefully- a cosy sitting room in the privacy of the royal apartments, far away from any potential prying ears and comfortable enough to hopefully put them all at ease.

It was in that room that Leia waited nervously for her mother to return with her father. Breha had promised to try to prepare Bail for the news without actually telling him the truth. Leia had been rather firm on that point, it was her responsibility to inform him of her condition. It was true that it would have been easier to let her mother do it, but she was determined to try to regain control of her life. Telling her mother had emboldened her, even though with hindsight she wished she had found a better way to do it than just blurting it out in a moment of weakness. She felt as though she had a better grasp on her situation, and she didn’t want to relinquish it again.

When her parents did eventually arrive, Bail was ashen-faced and looked as though he was ready to face his own execution. The Queen had clearly managed to impart that the news he was about to receive would not be welcome, but she might have gone a little overboard in warning him. When her father caught sight of her, sitting quietly in the corner beside two other empty armchairs, he rushed over and kneeled in front of her, grasping hold of her hands tightly and looking at her with such an imploring expression that she almost confessed the whole thing to him on the spot.

“What’s wrong Leia? Are you sick?” He asked immediately, and before she could even try to wrap her head around what he meant, he continued with his barrage of panic-induced questions. “Is it the drugs they gave you? Have they done something to you?”

“She’s not sick, Bail.” Breha said gently, approaching them and taking one of the empty seats. But despite her reassurances, his eyes never left Leia’s as he waited for his daughter to confirm the state of her health.

“I’m fine, Papa.” She confirmed, then wryly corrected herself. “Well maybe ‘fine’ isn’t the right word, but I’m not sick.”

He let out a shaky sigh of relief, and visibly relaxed. “When your mother said you needed to speak to me, that it was important and that I should prepare myself for anything, I thought the worst.” He seemed to steel himself again. “What is it that you need to tell me?”

“You’re going to want to sit down.” Leia told him, and gestured at the remaining empty seat. He looked over at the chair and back at her with a frown of confusion.

“But I thought-”

“Bail, sit down.” Breha told him, and he complied without further complaint, gaze still intently focussed on Leia.

“If you’re fine, then what is so serious?” Bail asked, a note of panic starting to creep back into his voice.

Now was the time, Leia thought, she couldn’t delay it anymore. She looked over at Breha for some sign of reassurance, and her mother nodded indicating that she knew and supported what her daughter was about to do. Leia once again felt a wave of gratitude for her presence, she knew that no matter what happened she wouldn’t have to deal with the fallout alone.

Turning away from her mother, Leia took a deep breath, looked her father directly in the eye and told him the two fateful words that had so recently dominated her life.

For a while Bail didn’t react. Not one muscle on his face moved, and she almost thought he hadn’t heard her. She glanced over at her mother to see that she was similarly concerned over her husband’s unresponsiveness.

“Bail?” Breha said cautiously. “Are you okay?” The noise caught his attention, and he briefly turned in her direction before he looked back over at Leia.

“You’re what?” His voice broke half-way through, and his expression finally changed. He looked inconsolable, like every hope and dream he had ever had for her had been crushed under a heavy black boot.

“I know it’s a shock.” Breha said immediately, moving to his side. “But more than ever we need to be there for Leia.” He didn’t seem to register what she said.

“How long have you known?” He sounded so hurt. He and Leia had always been close, and it must have been difficult for him to realise she and her mother had kept a secret from him.

“Not long.” Breha promised.   

“But who?” Bail blurted out, still seeming to be trying to comprehend what she had told him.

“I don’t remember.” Leia reminded him gently. Seeing him so baffled reminded her of her own initial reaction to the news, which somehow made explaining it to him easier. Instead of fearing his reaction, she now almost felt the need to comfort him even though the actual issue being discussed affected her most of all.

She was going to say something else, but behind her father Breha shook her head and mouthed a few words at Leia - give him time. She nodded and sat back, allowing her father to digest the news as best as he could. Breha retook her seat, and reached over to lightly squeeze Leia’s hand in a kind gesture of support as they both waited.

Eventually the look of stupefied shock on Bail’s face faded away and was gradually replaced with an expression of utmost fury.

“Those monsters.” He muttered. “Whichever imperial bastard is responsible, he had better be dead.”

“We don’t know that for sure, Bail.” Breha admonished, shooting a quick concerned look in Leia’s direction.

“Who else would it be?” He demanded, the harshness of his voice causing Leia to flinch. He noticed immediately and his expression softened in response. “I’m sorry, Leia.” He said, sounding sincerely contrite. “This must already be difficult enough for you.”

“It’s fine.” She said, and averted her gaze. “I’m sure you now understand why I changed my mind about the political alliance.”

“Of course.” He said dismissively. “That’s completely out of the question now, I should have realised that you had your reasons for your decision.” He sighed and shook his head in frustration. “How are you coping with this? Have you decided what you’re going to do?” He asked her concernedly.

“I haven’t made a decision yet.” Leia admitted. “If I at least remembered, it might be easier.” It might, but she wasn’t willing to conclusively declare that it would. Would it be any easier to choose an abortion if she knew the child was the product of rape? She had always thought it would when contemplating the decisions of other women, but now that she was the one who was in that position it wasn’t as easy.   

“About that, I spoke to Ellis earlier today.” Breha ventured carefully, looking a little apologetic. “I told him that you had spoken of the pregnancy to me, and I asked him about potential options. I hope I didn’t overstep.”

Leia shook her head to indicate that she was not bothered by this. “What did he say?” She asked.

“He suggested it might be possible to identify the baby’s father.” Breha said, and paused to gauge Leia’s reaction. Seeing nothing that would suggest she abandon the topic, the Queen continued to speak. “The imperial personnel files, including the DNA databases, survived the data purge. The empire was moving towards using DNA for identification since so many of their military bases were infiltrated by rebels. If the father was an imperial, then chances are we can identify him.”

“Identify, prosecute and imprison.” Bail said darkly, but quieted when Breha shot him a warning look.

“Do you think that might be something you would want to do, Leia? Obviously, if you don’t want to know- and I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t- we can drop the subject and not speak of it again.”

Did she want to know who the baby’s father was? Leia wasn’t sure. On the one hand it might help her to make a decision, and she could seek justice for what had been done to her. But on the other hand, finding out would likely confirm that a horrible thing had happened to her, and she wasn’t sure how she would cope with that.

“Wouldn’t we have to wait until the baby is born?” She asked.

Breha shook her head. “Ellis said that he could extract the baby’s DNA from your blood.”

Leia bit her lip thoughtfully. She didn’t have to decide now, but she wasn’t sure whether she wanted to prolong her uncertainty any longer. And now that she had thought about it some more, she realised that if she had been hurt then she _wanted_ that person punished. The thought of a former imperial, walking around knowing he had been able to violate her in such a cruel way and been able to get away with, made her blood boil. Why should they escape consequence-free when she hadn’t? Even if she aborted the child, she would spend the rest of her life knowing that she had been forced into that position by a vile, selfish human being.

“I want to find out.” Leia said. Her father reached over to rest a supportive hand on her shoulder.

“When would you like to go through with it?”

“The sooner the better.” She replied. “Ellis already has a sample of my blood, he might be able to use that.”

Breha nodded thoughtfully. “I could speak with Ellis today, see if he could arrange for it to be done tomorrow, if you would like?” Leia nodded her ascent. Tomorrow might finally bring some answers instead of more questions.

* * *

The next day found Leia, Bail and Breha in Ellis’s office while the medic dealt with the sample analysis droid. Her mother had asked her if she wanted to be alone when she found out, but Leia had elected to have both her parents with her. Her mother had gently reminded her the previous day that it was possible that the results would come up with no match, especially if the individual in question was particularly low-ranking or new as their DNA might not yet have been entered on the database. Leia had accepted this, even if she had been a little unsure how to feel about it. The one thing she had been certain about was that she didn’t want to be alone when the results came in, even if those results brought her no closer to the truth.

“All done.” Ellis announced, and next to the droid a monitor activated displaying a series of options. “The databases are available here.” He indicated the screen. “Choose the one you want to look at, and the droid will begin the comparisons. I’ve calibrated it to only identify potential paternal matches. It will probably take a couple of minutes as the droid progressively analyses individuals by rank.”

“Thank you, Ellis.” The Queen said warmly.

“I will give you some privacy. If you need me for anything, I will be in my rooms.” And with that he exited the room, leaving them with the droid.

“Would you like me to do it?” Breha asked when she saw Leia making no moves to head towards the droid.

“No, I’ll do it.”

Leia did her best to shake off her hesitation, and walked to the droid. As Ellis had said there were a number of databases available. She scrolled past the Alderaanian National Crime Database, New Republic Personnel Database, and others until she found the one she had been looking for: the Imperial Personnel Database. She hovered a finger over the button to initiate the comparisons, and forced herself to push it before she could change her mind. The droid whirled to life, and a progress bar appeared on the screen indicating the percentage of files scanned.

Feeling a certain amount of dread, Leia returned to her seat and was grateful when her mother took her hand. Her father’s arm moved around her shoulders as well, so that each of her parents non-verbally communicated their support. They watched together as the bar slowly started to fill reaching 10%, 20% and 50% through the database without a positive result. The high-ranking individuals had now been eliminated, and Leia squirmed uncomfortably, unsure whether the father of her child potentially being a low-ranking imperial was any better or worse than the alternative.

Several more minutes passed by and the bar climbed to 80% and 90% without finding a match. And as the bar increased so did Leia’s doubts and worry. Her mother’s words of warning rang through her mind, what if her attacker’s DNA wasn’t on the database? What if all this was for nothing? Beside her she could feel her parents similarly tense and exchange concerned glances. Finally, the bar reached 100% and ‘No Match Found’ appeared on the screen in large red lettering.

“Damn.” Her father muttered in annoyance. “He must not have been on the database.”

“I’m sorry, Leia.” Breha said sympathetically.

“There are still options.” Bail suggested. “There are tons of imperials that have been arrested or whose bodies need to be identified. The Republic will likely log their DNA eventually.”

Leia stopped listening as her parents continued to discuss and debate potential next steps. Instead she moved back towards the screen to stare at the red lettering that taunted her. The screen automatically clicked off to reveal the rest of the databases, and at the top of the list- Imperial Personnel Database: No Match Found. Some instinct deep within her, the same gut feel that had helped her decide who she could trust in the imperial senate, made her look beneath that heading and go over the other database names. Behind her she could still hear her parents speaking, seeming not to have noticed her so engrossed with the screen in front of her.

She scrolled down again until she found the New Republic Personnel Database, and that same instinct told her to initiate the comparisons for that database, which she did after a momentary hesitation. The progress bar came back up again at 0%, and after a minute or two it flicked off again, causing her to frown. Had it already scanned through all the New Republic personnel and found no match? The same lettering as previous came up, but this time in green- Paternal Match Found. Leia’s eyebrows shot up until they almost reached her hairline. She had followed her instinct out of curiosity, not because she had thought it might actually work! Behind her she heard her parents quiet as they noticed the screen had changed.

“What?” Breha gasped.

“It found a match?!” Bail blurted out in shock.

“In the New Republic Personnel Database.” Leia said, her voice sounding odd to her. Of all the databases, how had she known which one held the answer? It felt like she was in some sort of surreal dream, like what she was currently experiencing wasn’t quite real.

“But who?”

Leia didn’t even know which of her parents had spoken, instead her attention had been focused on the text underneath the green heading. See Paternal Match File. As though in a haze, she pressed on that text and the file came up on the screen bearing an unfamiliar face and name.

Her eyes skipped over the name and information to look directly at the man who was the father of her child. He was not as she expected. In her nightmares she had conjured up cruel hateful faces, whose inner ugliness was reflected by their features. This man did not look anything like that. Dark-haired, and very handsome with a cocky smile that suggested he was well-aware of his appeal. Leia also distractedly noticed that his physique was one that looked as though it would fit that mysterious shirt currently tucked away in one of her drawers.

“That name…” Leia heard her mother say behind her, “I’m sure I recognise it.” She moved her gaze away from the picture to briefly scan over the information section. General Han Solo. She didn’t feel even the slightly inkling of familiarity, which was surprising given his rank. He had either rapidly been promoted several times, or he had joined the rebellion after her disappearance.

Before she could think on it for much longer, she heard her mother speak again. “Bail, are you unwell?” Turning around to face her parents again, Leia was taken aback by her father’s appearance. He was starting to turn purple with rage, and it looked as though he was struggling to say something but was too angry to actually speak.

“Papa?” Leia asked, equally as concerned as Breha.

“I _know_ him!” Her father practically spat, “he led the rescue team that got me out of that wretched imperial prison! That smug self-aggrandizing-” what followed was an impressive litany of some of the foulest insults Leia had ever heard, let alone from her father’s mouth, “and all that time _he_ knew what he had done to you!” Bail said furiously. “He _knew_.”

“Bail!” Breha snapped before he could continue his rant. “Stop it!” Bail started guiltily and glanced over at Leia.

The Queen let out a heavy sigh, and moved over to her daughter. “Leia, how are you feeling?”

“I- I don’t know.” Leia said, she was still feeling shaken from the surprise of it all. “I think I want to go lie down for a while.” As though her body was trying to remind her of her condition, she could feel a wave of nausea starting to roll through her.

“You do that.” Her mother said, running her hands up and down Leia’s arms soothingly. “Even knowing what you might find out today, it must have still come as a shock. I’ll come check on you later.” Leia nodded and slipped out of her mother’s embrace, stopping to receive a hug from Bail before leaving the room.

Once out of the eyesight of her parents, Leia leaned back against the closed door and shut her eyes as she tried to make sense of everything that had just happened. She had finally been given the answer to one of her questions, but it only made her more confused. The father of her child was not an imperial, but instead a rebel. Trying to think about the circumstances that could have brought them together was making her head hurt, and she did her best to put it out of her mind. It could wait until tomorrow. 

As soon as Leia felt ready to go back to her rooms, she pushed herself away from the door and stopped as she realised she could still hear her parents speaking in the room. Curious, she leaned her head closer to the door to try to hear what they were saying, certain that the discussion was in some way related to her.

“When?” Her mother’s voice demanded.

“In a week.” Bail answered solemnly. “It’s too late to cancel, and I’m sure he would become suspicious.” Who were they talking about, Leia wondered, were they talking about General Solo? “I say we let him come and take the opportunity to find out exactly what he did to Leia.” Bail finished, more or less confirming her guess. But what did he mean?

“It’s not fair on Leia.” Breha pointed out. “We can’t just drop this on her.”

“I know.” Bail said exasperatedly. “But the award ceremony is already scheduled, and all the arrangements have been made. Hells, he has already booked a hanger space. We won’t get a better opportunity.”

The Queen sighed. “You’re right. I don’t like it, but you’re right. I’ll tell Leia.”

“Not today.” Bail said immediately. “That poor girl has already been through enough.”

“Agreed.”

Sensing their conversation coming to an end, Leia hastily pulled herself away from the door and walked quickly to her rooms to avoid being caught eavesdropping, her mind already racing to try to comprehend the fragment of conversation she had overhead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t worry guys, I promise Han is not a rapist. Funnily enough, my original plan didn’t have Leia pregnant and Han was going to be dragged into the story in a different way, but I prefer how this has unfolded. Good news: Chapter 12 is already written and is a bit longer than usual. I need to edit, but it should be up next Sunday. As always, thank you so much for the feedback and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	12. Chapter 12

General Han Solo’s file was an interesting read to say the least, even if it had taken a while for Leia to bring herself to view it. After the shock reveal of the previous day, she had gone to her rooms and done her best to not think of him. A task which was rendered somewhat difficult by the bout of sickness that struck her, resulting in her spending her evening leaning over a toilet and cursing the man who had caused this. Her mother had popped in an hour or so after she had left to check on her as promised, and had wound up on the refresher floor next to Leia, rubbing her back and murmuring soft words of comfort.

When Leia’s stomach had finally settled, the Queen had helped her up and fetched her a glass of water, fretting over her daughter until Leia managed to reassure her that she was fine. Despite her exhaustion over the day’s events, she spent the night tossing and turning, unable to snatch even a moment of sleep. By midmorning she had given up and picked up her datapad to try to learn what she could about the mysterious general.

With her newly-reinstated security clearance, his file was easy enough to access and she immediately headed to the section regarding his involvement with the rebellion. It appeared that he had joined shortly after her disappearance, as she had suspected, and he had been a member in one way or another for around four years. Most surprising of all was her discovery that his involvement had begun with the transport of the first Death Star’s plans.

Luke Skywalker, who Leia remembered Carlist mentioning when he had brought her home, had apparently found the droids she had sent to Tatooine. He and Obi Wan Kenobi had hired the then Captain Solo to transport them first to Alderaan and then to Yavin to deliver the plans. It was odd for her to find that she had another unexpected connection to this man other than the child that shared his DNA. She wondered whether he had known about her even then. Had he seen her message to Kenobi? Had he remembered her when they crossed paths in person not so long ago?

Trying to brush off the unease that thought caused her, Leia read on. It appeared that after assisting with the destruction of the first Death Star, he had done odd supply runs for the rebellion but had appeared unwilling to commit fully to the cause for reasons not discussed in the file. After around a year of being loosely associated with the rebellion he had suddenly accepted a commission and rapidly climbed the ranks, eventually culminating in being promoted to General.

The number of missions he had been involved in was dizzying, but her attention was especially caught by one of the more recent entries detailing his involvement in the destruction of the second Death Star. She was reminded with a shock that it was supposed to be around that time that their child had been conceived and she couldn’t help but feel slightly incredulous. What had he had the _time_? It sounded as though he had spent the weeks leading to and continuing on from the assault on the Death Star incredibly busy. There did not appear to be any breaks where he could have left the rebellion to spirit her away from wherever she had been held and impregnate her.

Nor did it seem as though he would have had much of a chance to drug her and dump her on Oberon considering that he had been busy overthrowing a warlord when she had lost her memory, and had been stationed on Corellia ever since to oversee the interim government elections. She couldn’t think of any explanation that fit, other than that someone had stolen his DNA but that theory was so ridiculous and without obvious motive that she had immediately dismissed it out of hand. Somehow they had come across each other during that tumultuous time, and the result of that encounter was the tiny human currently residing in her womb.

Her ruminations were interrupted by a light knock on her door, shortly followed by the entrance of her mother. Breha’s eyes found her at her desk and her gaze darted to the datapad in her daughter’s hands. Leia turned it off and put it away, hoping she had not seen what she had been looking at.

“Sorry to interrupt.” Breha apologised.

“It’s fine.” Leia said. She remembered the fragments of the conversation she had overheard when her parents had remained in Ellis’s office after her departure and wondered whether she would now find out what that was about.

Before she could begin to delve into whatever subject she had come to speak to her about, Breha noticed the dark circles under Leia’s eyes. “Did you sleep at all last night?”

She shook her head. “No. Too many things to think about.”

“Your father and I did not sleep well either.” Breha admitted. “And there’s something else I need to tell you, if you feel up to hearing it.” She hesitated. “It’s about that man.”

“General Solo?”

“Yes.” Breha confirmed. “He’s coming to Alderaan next week. There’s going to be an award ceremony for several heroes of the rebellion.” Leia nodded, she had suspected such news from what she had been able to put together but it was another matter to have it confirmed aloud.

“I assume Commander Skywalker will also be in attendance?” Leia asked. She had briefly skim-read his file because of his apparent close association with the general and he too fit the description of rebellion hero.

The Queen looked surprised at the question, but answered anyway. “Yes he will. But the main point is that General Solo will be on Alderaan for at least a week. We were originally going to ask if you would present the medals for your first official outing since you returned, but obviously that is no longer an option.”

Leia nearly shuddered at the thought of it and was grateful that she had decided to go ahead with finding out the identity of the father of her child when she had. She couldn’t image a worse way to encounter him than to be placing a medal around his neck. But this news did have some significance as there was a chance she might come into contact with him. How would he react if they did? He must know seeing her was a high possibility. Did he know she wouldn’t remember him?

“Your father wants to have him brought in for questioning.” Breha said. “But only if you agree to it. If General Solo suspects that we know about him, there is a chance he will try to leak the story himself to put his own spin on it.”

“Oh.” Leia had not thought about that. She knew nothing of this man’s character other than that he was an efficient soldier and military commander. It wasn’t out of the realm of possibility that he would turn aggressive should it be discovered he had committed a crime.

“Your father has suggested that we bring him in under false pretences.” Breha continued. “Maybe asking him to help us with some investigations being conducted. But there’s no controlling what he might do once he leaves, and we don’t have enough evidence to arrest him unless he confesses to hurting you.”

“I see.” It was definitely a risk, but Leia was sure that House Organa would be perfectly capable of controlling the narrative. And if he dared to try to paint her character negatively to the press she would make damn sure that he regretted ever crossing her. She doubted any of her allies in the New Republic would take kindly to learning about the situation General Solo had put her in, and the fact that he was to blame for her inability to enter a political marriage would certainly not endear him to many key figures in the new government, no matter how decorated he might be.

“I give Father my permission to have him questioned.”

Her mother gave her a small smile. “Do you remember Dran?” Leia nodded, he had been the captain of the palace guard when she had last seen him. “When the rebellion found out where we were being held, they managed to smuggle in people to watch over us for the duration of our imprisonments, for your father they sent Dran. They grew quite close, and your father would like him to conduct the interrogation, but for that to work he needs to tell Dran about you and everything that’s happened.”

“Of course.” Leia agreed. She trusted Dran, she had known him since she was a child. He was one of the rare Alderaanians who was physically intimidating, and she couldn’t think of anyone better suited for the job, except perhaps Carlist. “I have no objection to Dran being told.”

“Good, I’ll let your father know.”

“Another thing.” Leia said before her mother could leave. “I want to be there for the interview.”

“Pardon?” Breha asked in bafflement. “Leia, sweetheart, I’m not sure that’s the best decision. I know you’re trying to be brave, but you don’t need to do that.”

“Yes I do.” Leia said firmly. “I don’t want to hear his answers to Dran’s questions second-hand. I want to be there and judge him for myself.” When she saw her mother about to object again, Leia continued. “You won’t move me on this point, my decision has been made.”

Regardless of what she had said, her mother continued for some time to try to dissuade her to no avail, even eventually dragging Bail into the room. He too tried to persuade her of the folly of her idea, and again Leia reiterated her arguments for being present. After perhaps an hour or so, her parents had finally realised that Leia would not change her mind and had grudgingly acquiesced to her demand with the condition that one of them be with her. Normally Leia might have objected to such coddling, but she knew that she had been unusually reliant on them recently and their overprotectiveness had likely in part stemmed from that.

And with that, all that was left was for Leia to impatiently await General Solo’s arrival. 

* * *

A week or so later, from the relative safety of behind a two-sided mirror, Leia watched as Dran entered the interview room followed by the man she immediately recognised as the father of her baby. Seeing him in person for the first time since her memories were erased, she was suddenly struck by how little she knew about him. Everything she could currently attribute to his name and face had been on that file. An impersonal and professional list of his military past which told her little about his actual character. He was even more handsome in person, she couldn’t help but notice with a slight flush that she hoped her father beside her would not see. He walked with almost swaggering confidence to his seat, and seemed to refuse to be intimidated by Dran’s stoic demeanour.

“What’s this about?” General Solo asked immediately, before Dran could even open his mouth to speak. Dran shot him a short glare and took the seat opposite him.

“We’re pursuing a line of enquiry, and your name has come up as a person of interest.” At the use of ‘we’, the General’s head turned knowingly towards the double-sided mirror and Leia nearly felt her heart stop as for a small moment of panic she thought he might have been able to see her.

“Who’s the audience?” He drawled irreverently, still staring at the glass as though it might give him a glimpse of the people behind it. Beside Leia, she could feel her gather’s gaze on her, gauging her to see how she was reacting to General Solo’s presence. She straightened up her back, refusing to show any outward signs of weakness. She would not let this man get to her.

“My superiors.” Dran answered shortly, and shuffled the flimsis in his hands into the correct order. “I have some images here I would like to show you. I need you to tell me if you recognise any of these women.”

He began to lay out the images in a line, all of them featuring dark-haired Alderaanian women who faintly resembled Leia, and there was a clear shift in the General’s demeanour when the image of Leia was finally laid on the table. The image was a few years old, and one that gave no hint of her station. His relaxed posture straightened immediately and the ever present smirk on his face disappeared entirely. With a strange look of resignation on his face, he pushed the image of Leia back towards Dran.

“What’s this about?” The General asked again, his voice now weary where it had been almost mocking before.

“We’ll get to that later.” Dran answered. “Can you tell me the name of this woman?”

“Not her real name. She gave me a pseudonym- Amidala.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Leia saw her father stiffen at the name and she found herself frowning. It was not a pseudonym she had ever used before, but her father seemed almost panicky over hearing it. Leia did recognise the name, it had belonged to a long-dead Queen and later Senator of Naboo. A woman she had in the past suspected of being her birth mother. She had never voiced such suspicions to her family and she wondered whether her father’s reaction was in some way a confirmation that it was the truth. Then there was the fact she appeared to have taken it as a pseudonym, was this just out of convenience or had she finally discovered the truth in those last four years?

Ignorant of the royal family’s discomfort, Dran ploughed on with his interrogation.

“How do you know it was a pseudonym?” He asked.

“She told me it was.” The General replied bluntly with a shrug.

“Do you know why she gave you a pseudonym?”

“It wasn’t personal, I don’t think she gave her real name out to anyone.” That revelation wasn’t as much as a surprise as that he had known she had given him a pseudonym. If she had been imprisoned or in hiding, it made sense that she had kept her true identity a secret where possible.

“I see.” Dran made a few notes on his datapad. “How long would you say you’ve known this woman?” There was a pause as the man appeared to think through the question.

“About four years now.” At that piece of information, both Leia and her father immediately looked at each other in surprise. It was not certainly not the answer they had been expecting for that question, and neither had Dran as it seemed. It took a few seconds too long for him to recover, and it was clear that the General had noticed his surprise. This revelation, if true, cast into doubt many of the theories and assumptions Leia and her family had made regarding where she had been since her disappearance.

“Under what circumstances did you meet?” Dran said shortly, trying to cover up his reaction.

“We met at a cantina on Tatooine, she was looking for transport. We agreed on a price and I took her there on my ship.” General Solo summarised, his tone devoid of any emotion. He sounded as though he was giving a formal report to a commanding officer.

“Where did you take her?”

“I don’t remember.” The General said tightly. The more questions they got through the less willing he seemed to still be there. “It was four years ago.”

“Did you ever meet again after that?”

“A few times.” He answered shortly, and repeated the question he had already asked twice. “What is this about?”

“What occurred on those occasions?” Dran again ignored the question, but this time it seemed the General was not willing to let it slide.

“No. I’ve answered plenty of your questions.” General Solo snapped. “You can answer one of mine.” Dran paused for a long moment as he considered the man in front of him.

“The purpose of this interview is not your concern. You are simply helping us with our enquiries.” Leia winced visibly at Dran’s condescension, it would not help pacify the clearly aggravated man they needed answers from.

“So I can leave then?”

“You can’t just-”

“If this is not my concern then why should I stay?” The General interrupted Dran. “I don’t have the patience to put up with this passive aggressive bullshit. I might be more cooperative if I at least knew what this was about.”

His blatant disrespect took everyone in that room aback, but he didn’t seem to care as he glared defiantly at Dran. Dran was clearly more surprised than anyone, likely because no one had ever dared to speak to him like that, and seemed to struggle to articulate a response.

“Is she dead?” Solo suddenly asked, all the fight gone from his voice, leaving behind someone who seemed defeated despite all his bluster.

“What?” Dran asked in surprise.

“Is she dead?” He repeated slowly, giving time for Dran and everyone else to recover from the unexpected question.

Leia’s thoughts had stuttered to a halt when he had first asked it, but now they raced in confusion. He sounded as though he already knew the answer and was just waiting for confirmation of a terrible truth. From what she knew, the only other person who had been so certain of her death was Vader, and it was particularly odd that these two men who shared nothing in common were both so certain about this one fact concerning her life. But it was more than just knowledge that she could detect in his voice. He seemed to genuinely fear the answer, as though her death was something he truly dreaded even though he expected it.

“Is there a reason in particular you would think she was dead?” Dran asked.

“Something she said last time I saw her.” There was something in his voice that made it clear he would not be willing to elaborate further on that vague statement.

“And when was that?”

“Nearly two months ago, I don’t know.” Solo snapped in exasperation. “Can you just answer my kriffin’ question? _Is she dead?_ ” There was a pause before Dran finally answered.

“She is not.” The General’s relief was palpable, and some of the tension that had been there since he had been shown her image finally fled his shoulders.

“Is she alright? Can I see her?”

“Maybe later.” Dran said dismissively. “We still have many questions to get through.”

“Fine.” He replied shortly, seeming somewhat placated by having at least one of his questions answered.

“What occurred on the other occasions you met this woman?” Dran asked, returning to the question the general had refused to answer.

“The same thing that happened when we first met, she would ask me to take her somewhere and I would.”

“I see.” Dran said slowly, and promptly switched the subject as he launched into his next set of questions. “I understand you are here to receive an award for your role in rescuing the Alderaanian royal family.” The General looked slightly surprised by the abrupt change of topic, and a frown creased his face as he answered.

“Yeah, what’s that got to do with anything?”

“What was your role in the rescue?” Dran asked, yet again ignoring one of the General’s questions which caused the other man to sigh heavily in irritation.

“You already know this, you were _there_.”

“Just answer the question.” Dran snapped, clearly sick of General Solo’s insolence. The General crossed his arms defiantly and gave his answer through gritted teeth, again replying as though he was facing a court martial hearing.

“I led a team on a covert mission to the Imperial prison on Graven. Our objective was to retrieve Viceroy Bail Organa and his associate. Once we arrived at the prison, we disabled the security systems and incited a riot. During the chaos, we retrieved the Viceroy and his associate and escaped without attracting the attention of the guards.”

Leia had not heard the full story of her father’s rescue yet, and she felt her eyebrows rise to her hairline as the unorthodox plan that had been used was revealed. Beside her, her father scoffed, making her think that the mission had not gone as straightforwardly as the man in the other room had made it seem.

“A concise and clear summary of the events of the rescue.” Dran commented drily. “But according to the official documents, that was not the extent of your involvement.”

“Excuse me?”

“You were also the one to supply the rebellion with the locations of the entire Alderaanian royal family with the exception of Her Royal Highness, the Princess Leia. Is that correct?” Dran asked.

“That’s right.” The General confirmed, his jaw tight with irritation as he tried to work out where this line of questioning was going.

Leia glanced over at her father in surprise, this was not something she had heard about. Her father seeing her questioning look nodded in response, confirming Dran and General Solo’s words. The fact that the man in the other room had known where her family had been held, but supposedly not her cast a cloud of suspicion over him.

“How did you obtain this information?”

“Doesn’t it say so on the official documents?” There was clear sarcasm in his voice which made it clear that he knew that the answer was there in the official records.

“It does.” Dran admitted. “But I would like to hear it from you.”

“I have an anonymous source who asked me to pass on the information to the Alliance.”

“An anonymous source who knew the locations of the entire royal family, with only one exception. And a particularly beautiful and young exception at that. How convenient.” Dran replied, voice dripping with doubt and condescension.

“What are you going on about?” General Solo snapped, sounding genuinely confused. “Look buddy, I don’t know anything about your princess. When I gave the information to the rebellion, they specifically asked me about why her location was missing. I asked my source, and they told me that they didn’t know where she was.”

Leia prided herself on being able to read people, and she couldn’t detect any deception in his tone of voice. What was most surprising was that he seemed to think that ‘Princess Leia’ and ‘Amidala’ were two different people, he did not appear to be lying which suggested that during their acquaintance Leia had never told him who she was.

“I see.” Dran said, and made a few more notes on his datapad. He seemed to purposefully be ignoring the General to rile him up, and it worked like a dream.

“What the hell has this got to do with Ami? Is she in trouble or something?” Again there was that barely concealed worry and concern in his voice that suggested he genuinely cared about her. And there was a clear slip up in his questions. He had not used the formal full name he had given earlier, Amidala, but instead had used a nickname that suggested much more familiarity than he had earlier indicated. His suggestion that their relationship had only been a business one was seeming more and more like a cover-up of some kind. But if they had been close, why wouldn’t he just say so?

“She is not.” Dran stated calmly, and returned back to the matter at hand. “My records indicate that you came into possession of this information a few years ago. Long before any rescue attempts were made.”

“I did, and I gave it straight to the Alliance.” The General said clearly.

“Then I am sure you can understand that we might be a little suspicious. You would have had plenty of time to ‘rescue’ Her Royal Highness, if you had indeed been supplied with her location.”

“For the last kriffin’ time, I have no interest in your goddamn princess.” General Solo snapped harshly, seemingly getting more frustrated with every question he was being asked, and Dran scoffed in response. 

“I find _that_ hard to believe. Her Highness is a very wealthy woman, and would have been even then. Even if she couldn’t access the Organa family’s Alderaanian bank accounts, she certainly could access the off-planet accounts that the empire had failed to locate. In fact, we have now discovered records which show that several withdrawals were made over the last four years. And if I recall correctly you were deeply indebted to Jabba the Hutt. Paying him off must have taken up all your credits, credits that you would never be able to earn from honest work.”

“What are you suggesting?” General Solo voice was dark, and his glare was more intense than ever, as though he was daring Dran to actually voice aloud his suspicions.

“I am _suggesting_ that your source did give you Princess Leia’s location,” Dran stated firmly, leaving no doubt as to his beliefs, “and once you realised the benefits of having a Princess indebted to you, you kept those details to yourself and rescued her when it suited you. Then you forced her to repay you, both monetarily and not.” Leia flinched at the not-so-subtle innuendo, and General Solo only seemed to react worse as he promptly stood up from his chair, his momentum causing it to go crashing to the ground with a metallic clang.

“How dare you!” He shouted, utterly furious. “To even suggest that I could do that to someone!” He sounded completely disgusted at the mere idea.

“You deny the accusation?” Dran asked blandly, looking up at the infuriated General.

“Damn right I do.” He snarled. “And you know what, I don’t particularly feel like cooperating with this enquiry anymore.” He made a move to leave the room, but Dran’s next few words made him stop in his tracks.

“I could have you arrested.” Dran said quietly. “On the charges of kidnapping and coercion.” He had not even left his chair, but the threat was palpable.

“Oh yeah?” The General replied, turning back to face him defiantly. “Good luck with that. You need _evidence_ to perform an arrest, and you don’t have any because _I didn’t do it_.” With those words he turned back to the door and wrenched it open with unnecessary aggression.

“I would stay on planet if I were you, General Solo.” Dran stated calmly. “This investigation is not over.” Despite the fact that Dran was more or less conceding that he didn’t have any evidence and couldn’t carry out his earlier threat, there was still an unmistakable aura of danger around him.

“ _Fuck you_.” The General snapped simply, and left the room without a further backwards glance.

With his volatile presence now gone, Dran started to gather up his flimsis and Leia turned to look at her father.

“That could have gone better.” He said grimly with a heavy sigh.

“Dran could have handled it better.” Leia stated softly. “Some of those questions were uncalled for.”

Despite her earlier worries and suspicions, her first encounter with the mysterious General Han Solo had melted away some of her icy feelings towards him. Apart from the end of the interview, when he had clearly been provoked beyond his limits, there had been no signs of him being a particularly violent or uncaring man. In fact, regarding herself he had seemed a little softer. The nickname, his concerns over her safety. It all added up to a far more complex relationship than she had first thought.

“They needed to be asked, Leia.” Her father reminded her. “And he could have been more reasonable.”

“Would you have been?” She argued back. “Dran straight up accused him of blackmail and rape.” Her father’s answering wince was enough of an answer.

“I’ll speak to Dran about that. He could have been more subtle.” He said apologetically. “The only reason he was so harsh is because of how serious the potential accusations are. It’s his job to worry about us and keep us safe.”

“I know.” She conceded and sighed. “But you heard the General, he has no interest in cooperating anymore. And I think he might know more than he was letting on in the interview.” Privately, she was already formulating a potential plan to get a few more answers from the enigmatic man.

“Dran could arrest him.” Bail pointed out, and Leia snorted in an unlady-like fashion.

“I don’t think that would help.” She said delicately, knowing that it was an understatement. Her father’s eyes narrowed as though he could read her thoughts.

“What are you planning, Leia?” He asked suspiciously.

“Nothing!” She protested, eyes wide with fake innocence and his own narrowed further.

“You’re not planning on meeting him yourself, are you? Because that would be a dreadful, _and dangerous_ idea.”

“Of course not! I know nothing about the man.” She told him hotly. “The last thing I want is to be stuck in a room with him.” That was actually exactly what she was planning, but her father seemed at least slightly mollified by her impassioned reply.

“We will find out what happened.” He reassured her, eyes soft and affectionate. She hugged him then, enjoying the familiar feeling of his warmth and comfort.

“I know Papa.” Privately, her conviction to meet this man she knew so little about in person only strengthened. She needed to know what had happened to her, and she thought that he might be one of the only people who held the key to the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Leia and Han will be meeting next chapter, finally. I'm not sure when the next update will be. I'm hoping it will be around this time next week, but I've only written about a third of Chapter 13 and I'm at a difficult part which might mean delays. Hopefully not several months of delays, like what happened last time I hit a particularly difficult part, but we'll see.


	13. Chapter 13

In the hours following on from Han Solo’s interview, Leia’s conviction over meeting the man herself only strengthened. What she had heard that day, unseen behind the double-sided mirror, had been equal parts confusing and surprising, and it did not help that she could tell General Solo had been dealing out a plethora of half-truths and white lies to Dran. The length and nature of their supposedly business relationship, his certainty over her death. It all warranted further investigation, and she thought that the General might be a little more amenable to honesty if the questions were posed by someone familiar over a hostile stranger.

However, before Leia could arrange for her own interview with the man, she knew that there were a number of measures she would have to take to ensure they would not be interrupted and to hopefully keep the General in the dark regarding her identity. As it currently stood, he seemed unaware of her influence and position, and until she had a better measure of him as a person she wanted to keep it that way.

The first step she had to take was to establish a suitable alibi. She loved her parents deeply, but she knew neither of them would approve of what she was planning and would probably try to stop her. While she had no plans on telling them, there was always the possibility that one or both of them would go looking for her, and when they found her missing they might guess at her plans.

To avoid this eventuality, Leia went to her dressmaker and scheduled a long appointment for the following day to make a start at refreshing her wardrobe. It would not seem unreasonable for her to do so. She still hadn’t made a decision over the baby, but her body did not care about her indecisiveness and would soon start to change to accommodate the life growing inside her. Until Leia was willing to commit to an outcome, she wanted to keep her condition a secret and her mother had suggested that in order to do this she could find looser flowy dresses to conceal her expanding abdomen.

With the appointment made, Leia knew that the dressmaker would send her a confirmation message which would automatically be put onto her official schedule. The next day, she went to the appointment, full of apologies about a last-minute emergency and cancelled the session. Cancellations made at such short notice were rarely inputted onto the system, and so if Leia’s parents became curious of where she was while she was searching out the General then they would check her schedule and think her busy with measurements and choosing dress styles.

The plan was not fool-proof by any stretch of the imagination. It was possible that her mother or father would go to check on her and find out she had cancelled the appointment, or they might become suspicious if no payments were applied to the royal accounts. Leia didn’t have any contingency plans should either of these events occur, but she did hope that by the time they figured out where she was, her business with the General would be concluded and it would just be matter of apologising for the subterfuge. In her experience, it was certainly a lot easier than asking permission.

With her alibi in place, Leia backtracked to her rooms in the palace and changed out of her official dress and into something a little less conspicuous. While Alderaanian journalism might not have been as salacious as that of Coruscant or other Core worlds, there were still plenty of people who would be willing to sell that information onwards and she didn’t want to hear what speculation might arise from her having a personal meeting with the General.

While in her rooms, she also picked up an anonymised swipe card she had owned for years which granted her access to buildings and electronic information sources within a certain security clearance without logging her use or entry. She had mostly used it during the rebellion to hide her tracks when meeting people, but it would also allow her to enter the hanger where she suspected General Solo was staying. Earlier that day, she had used her father’s login details to look up where the award ceremony guests were staying. The General appeared to have refused the offer of accommodation and had simply requested somewhere for him to keep his ship which he would stay on, which was a little strange in itself.

Suitably attired and with the card safely tucked away in a pocket, Leia headed to the door and hesitated. She glanced back at the drawer where she had hidden the items she had found in that hotel room so long ago, and after a moment of internal debate she moved over to it. She rummaged inside and withdrew the pair of blasters, which she clipped to her sides so that they were well hidden by the cloak she wore. Better to be safe than sorry, she justified to herself with a shrug.

Now better prepared for the meeting ahead, Leia cautiously poked her head out of the door and glanced up and down the corridor, looking for anyone that might have been walking past. Seeing none, she slipped out of the room, and using her years of experience, she carefully sneaked out of the royal apartments.

Once in the main part of the palace, it was simply a matter of keeping her head down and making sure to avoid being seen by any guards or palace workers. And before long, after deliberately waiting for the guard shift to change and provide her with an opening to escape unseen, Leia emerged from one of the secondary entrances to the palace.

She blended into a small crowd of off-world tourists in the palace courtyard and let herself be pulled along with them into the nearby bustling town square. The tour dispersed for free time, at which point Leia slipped away and moved over to a shadowy area beneath a large wall, content for the moment to simply watch the ordinary citizens around her.

It had been such a long time since she had allowed herself to spend time in the city that was her home, instead of just being hidden away in the palace. It was only now, in the fresh air, surrounded by the people she had dedicated so much time and effort to representing, that she realised how much she had missed this. When was the last time she had actually spent time with an ordinary citizen that wasn’t intimately involved in her life or work? It was probably when she was at that centre on Yavin dealing with displaced Alderaanians so long ago.

Hell, she even missed Coruscant and the feel of being politically challenged by an opponent. Since her return, everyone had been treating her as though she was made of glass and while she had initially appreciated it, it was starting to get a little grating. She couldn’t blame her family for this. Implicitly she had almost encouraged it, when her life seemed to be upended at every turn. It felt like over the past weeks she had cloaked herself in bubble wrap and ignored everything but the most familiar of comforts.

The elections would soon be coming up to select the parliamentary representatives that reported to the Queen, and among the positions available was her own senatorial role. Would she run again? She wanted to, but now had to face the reality that she might not be able to perform the job to the level it deserved. If she kept the baby she wouldn’t be able to complete her term. She could always run again once she had the child, but would she really want to then? Did she want to raise her child on Coruscant? A large part of her thought not. Something instinctive in her wanted any and all of her children to know and love her home planet as she did. All of this meant, that if she had the child there was a very real possibility that it would result in the end or at least suspension of her galactic political career.

Realising where her thoughts were taking her, Leia took a breath and tried to dismiss them. This was something to worry about another day, today she had a task to complete and she couldn’t do that if she was busy thinking about a possible future that might not happen. She pushed herself away from the wall, and headed to one of the corners of the parliament square where she knew the hanger for distinguished visitors would be located. Thankfully it was not guarded, so it was simply a matter of using her swipe card on the access panel next to the door and quickly slipping in.

The hanger was empty, as she had expected. With all the guests, barring the General she was looking for, taking up the offer of accommodation, the hanger only served to house their ships until they were ready to depart again. Such departures would likely be back to the front lines where the New Republic was still fighting the stubborn, fractured remnants of the empire, which accounted for the large number of personal military vessels present among the streamlined civilian ships. In one corner, Leia spotted a rather out of place ship that looked so haphazardly constructed that it might fall apart if touched too aggressively. It must have been a derelict ship left in the hanger to be scrapped, and she made a note to report it to the officer in charge of the hanger to have it removed. They couldn’t have that eyesore sitting around when prestigious guests were visiting.

Dismissing it for the moment, Leia concentrated on the task at hand. The ship she was looking for was called the _Millenium Falcon_ according to the log information she had found. Each ship had a small terminal in front of it which stored information like the ship’s name, its owner, the duration of stay and the expected departure date. Keeping her eyes peeled for the words ‘Millenium Falcon’ and ‘General Solo’, she began the slow and methodical process of swiping each terminal with her access card to view the appropriate log information. She gradually worked her way through all the military and civilian ships in the hanger but was unable to locate the elusive ship or its owner.

After checking all the ships again, Leia glanced dubiously over at the junk pile that had the audacity to call itself a ship. With no further options and a heavy dose of scepticism, she swiped the terminal beside it and was more than a little surprised to find that this was the ship she had been looking for the whole time.

With that revelation came a large pang of anxiety that seem to build as she stepped closer towards the ship. This was it. She was finally going to meet the man who seemed to be the key to her memory’s missing years. But now having found what she had been looking for, Leia suddenly felt reluctant to go through with her plan. Had this really been wise? What if something went wrong? How would he react when he saw her? Would he be angry, or happy or confused?

With her hand poised over the call button which would alert the occupants of a visitor, Leia felt more nervous than the first time she had presented herself at the senate, under the intense scrutiny of all the senators and imperials who thought she was too young and too naive to be there. She hesitated for a further minute before she finally brought herself to press the buzzer.

Faintly, she could hear the ringing of the call button behind the metal door of the ramp and it was closely followed by the even more faint sound of a man’s voice, confirming the presence of at least one person in the ship. A few more moments passed by and then the ramp began to lower. All of her old doubts came rushing back the forefront of her mind, but she did her best to forget them as she stepped out of the way and folded her arms defensively. She had come here for answers and she would not be leaving until she had them.

She watched the top of the ramp, anxiously waiting for the General to appear, and already trying to formulate an appropriate form of address. Would calling him by his title be too formal? In her mind that’s what she referred to him as, but considering she was carrying his child it seemed a little… distant? Using his first name might be better, if only the thought of speaking to him so casually wasn’t so off-putting. Perhaps a non-specific greeting not utilising any name or title would be best.

When someone finally made an appearance, it was certainly not the man she had been expecting. Instead of General Solo, it was a Wookie that marched down the ramp and up to her, looking somewhat disgruntled about the interruption.

“My apologies for bothering you.” Leia managed to say, quickly reverting to her courtly manners once the initial shock had worn off. “I was looking for General Solo, but I must have made a mistake.” Someone must have screwed up and entered the wrong information onto the terminal, she thought with no small amount of irritation, the actual _Millenium Falcon_ was likely among the plethora of military vessels.

The Wookie looked even more annoyed, if that was possible, and growled something incomprehensible at her. She thought it might have been some rebuke of a sort for the disturbance, but instead of heading back up to the ramp as she would have expected, the Wookie crossed his arms and glared at her expectantly as though waiting for an answer.

“I’m sorry.” Leia said. “I don’t understand Shyriiwook.” She was slightly surprised the Wookie seemed to expect her to have comprehended what he had said. Even before the rise of the empire, few humans had ever bothered to try to learn the language and even those that found cause to frequently converse with Kashyyyk natives usually used a translator droid.

The Wookie threw his hands up in frustration and stormed off, not bothering to try to address her again. Leia remained rooted to the spot in surprise. She had interacted with Wookies previously, usually with Threepio at her side, and she had never had such an encounter before. Wookies had always been exceptionally kind to her, knowing that much of her efforts in the imperial senate had been concentrated on trying to gain even the most minimal rights for the enslaved non-human species.

Perhaps a minute or so passed while she considered abandoning the entire venture and returning home. She was wondering whether her appointment with the dressmaker was still salvageable when she heard another voice from inside the ship interacting with the Wookie’s roaring sounds, and almost immediately afterwards the now familiar face of General Solo appeared from around the corner.

Leia was not able to begin to marshal some sort of reaction to his presence when there was a blur of movement, and before she could even reach her blaster she found herself in a crushing embrace. She was getting ready to fight him off until she realised that he was not attacking her, and she uncomfortably let her arms drop to her sides. The man’s first instinct at seeing her had been to go for a hug, and unsure of what to do Leia stood stiffly in the General’s grip until he finally released her. However instead of letting go completely, he held her at arm’s length by her shoulders, and seemed to check her over for injuries.

“Where the hell have you been? I thought we were going to meet on Corellia?” The General demanded once he had completed his brief inspection.

In total bafflement over both his embrace and this unexpected turn of events, all Leia managed to do was to awkwardly blurt out the first thought that came to her mind: “What?”

“Corellia remember? We were supposed to meet there two weeks ago.” He actually sounded quite angry about her supposed carelessness. “I assumed the worst, did you just not care about that?”

Leia swallowed back an angry retort at his implication of her selfishness. He didn’t seem to know about the memory loss, she reminded herself. If they had made some sort of arrangement then he was within his rights to be annoyed that she hadn’t turned up. Despite knowing that, some part of her was still outraged that he presumed to lecture her on the respectable etiquette of keeping appointments when he had gone into that interview yesterday, unwilling to show Dran the respect he was due even before the whole thing had become hopelessly derailed.

“I’m sorry.” She said, attempting to imply sincerity even though she felt none. At least _she_ was willing to apologise for unseemly behaviour. “Can we move on-”

He interrupted her before she could finish her civil suggestion that they change subject to something more relevant. “I thought you were dead! Hells Ami, you would have known that. Even if you couldn’t meet us on Corellia you could have _at_ _least_ commed me to let me know you were okay.”

“I’m sorry.” Leia repeated through gritted teeth. Who the hell did he think he was? She didn’t owe him anything. She was going to again suggest they discuss something else, but the General did not seem to care as he continued with his stern barrage of disapproval.

“What sort of mess have you got yourself involved in this time? I got dragged into an interrogation room yesterday and some asshole started accusing me of all sorts. _You_ got brought up so don’t try to convince me that you’re totally innocent in this situation.” How _dare_ he! Leia thought furiously. To suggest that any of this was her fault was ludicrous! She attempted to interject to tell him exactly what she thought of his implication, but the General was clearly not interested.

“Shavit, I thought you’d been arrested. I tried to _cover_ for you, and what? You were just wandering around happy-go- _fucking_ -lucky letting me think you were dead.” He snapped.

“I’ve not been arrested. I’m not in any trouble.” Leia returned, already feeling herself losing her temper. “Maybe you should be more concerned with _your_ actions than my inability to let you know of my every move.”

“Are you _fucking_ kidding me?” General Solo swore. “Hold on, you don’t think _I_ had anything to do with that whole princess mess right?”

“I don’t know, _did_ you?” She retorted back, no longer able to stop herself from rising to the bait even though she knew the accusation was absurd. For the first time in their short acquaintance, the General was rendered speechless, and Leia seized the opportunity to try to set the conversation back on track.

“Look,” she said, “I haven’t come here for a fight, I just need-” and there she stopped as she realised with no small amount of chagrin that she didn’t know how to proceed. She hadn’t been expecting his weird protective anger, and her initial plans for trying to get information from him without revealing her memory loss had completely dissipated from her thoughts.

“You need help with something. What else is new?” The General rolled his eyes. “Don’t worry sweetheart, I’ll protect you from the scary Alderaanians you’ve managed to piss off.” He drawled sarcastically.

“I don’t need _your_ help!” Leia snapped, irritated beyond belief at his condescension.

The General snorted. “When _haven’t_ you needed looking out for?” His dismissive attitude, and the suggestion that she was some sort of helpless child that needed his guidance to survive in the big bad galaxy was enough to push Leia over the edge.

“You are not the boss of me, you- you-” She was so angry she was struggling to appropriate articulate her rage, and when she finally did she unleashed a flurry of petty insults that seemed to render the General more shocked than anything else. She eventually finished her furious diatribe with a few choice final words culminating in her calling him a laser-brained nerf-herder.

And with that Leia turned on the spot and stormed off away from the subject of her ire, slightly gratified at the utterly stupefied look on Han Solo’s face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was super difficult to write, especially the argument scene, but I hope it’s still enjoyable. Next chapter Leia will be reflecting on recent events (Han’s interview and their meeting) and starting to revise her theories as to what happened. Not sure when it will be up, I’ve not had the chance to write much yet and uni is really stressful at the moment and likely won’t be letting up until the semester ends in mid-December.


	14. Chapter 14

Still visibly fuming from her encounter with the general, Leia marched back through the palace not even bothering to try to sneak in and received more than her fair share of strange looks. At least her demeanour was intimidating enough that no one dared to question why she was dressed strangely and slamming doors on the way to her rooms. Eventually she reached her destination, and flung the door closed behind her. Leaning her head against the wood, she let out a sound that encapsulated all the rage and frustration that had mounted up during her meeting with that insufferable man.

With that accomplished, Leia slumped down into an armchair as the emotional weight of the day’s events hit her. It was with a faint sense of amusement that she bitterly realised she should probably get used to this feeling if she was going to be interacting with General Solo on a regular basis. He didn’t seem the type of man that she would get along easily with. Her humour though was brief and quick to fade. The last two days had given her a lot to think about, and she felt like she needed a few hours to herself to really absorb everything she had learned and inferred from her time with the general.

Leia considered sitting over at her desk and mulling it all over, but an ache in her back gave her a twinge of pain as soon as she sat down in the hardbacked chair. She dismissed the hastily formed plan in favour of a long hot soak in some warm water to soothe all the pregnancy-related aches that had seemed to develop over the course of the day.

The ritual of running the bath and adding her favourite selection of essential oils, perfumed the air of the refresher and began the process of easing away the remainder of her irritation and bad mood. Once undressed and fully immersed in the water, Leia leaned her head back against the rim of the bathtub and closed her eyes against the brightness of the room. After a while she felt the tension begin to leave her muscles, and she let herself relax deeper into the water.

With her newfound sense of calm also came a heavy dose of regret as she contemplated her actions that day. Without the anger clouding her thoughts, she could now objectively assess how she had behaved and she felt a little ashamed at how she had overreacted to Han Solo’s obvious worry and concern. In the heat of the moment, Leia had only seen a stranger that sought to undermine her independence and insist that she needed _his_ supervision and oversight to cope. With some distance she could see that his own behaviour had, at least in part, been motivated by genuine care for her wellbeing and she had reacted to that emotion by hurling insults and acting like a child.

While Leia had suspected that the general was hiding the extent of their relationship during the interview, she had not expected his reaction to her presence. He had seemed to _know_ her and to care about her, even if he was going about it in the most obnoxious way possible. But who was she to judge him for that? He had thought she was dead, he had said as much in his interview. And in a way, his situation had close parallels to that of her parents, but she had not objected as strongly to _their_ overprotectiveness as she had to his, and that realisation struck her uncomfortably. As much as she may not have wanted to admit it, she owed the man an apology, and that meant that she would have to meet him again. Hopefully, that meeting would be handled more cordially and with more civility than the last. However, before she could even _think_ about trying to arrange another rendezvous, there were other matters she had to get straight in her head, which might better prepare her to face him again.

Having now encountered General Solo in person, Leia was reasonably confident that he had not done anything to her that she hadn’t consented to. During her time on Coruscant she had come across many of the worst men in the galaxy, high-ranking soldiers and political figures well-known for the numerous heinous accusations against them, all of which were quietly swept under the rug as complainants either vanished or were silenced with threats. Han Solo didn’t seem the type, but even knowing that it was still difficult to accept that she had somehow ended up sleeping with him voluntarily. He was not exactly the charming, intelligent and well-bred man that she had always thought she would end up with.

Leia guessed that it was possible that somewhere along the way, with the universe going to hell around her, she had thrown caution to the wind and entangled herself with a pretty face without a care for the consequences. It was plausible, but part of her felt that it must have been more complicated than that. According to the general, they had known each other for around four years which would have been plenty of time for her to discover any potential hidden depths or appealing character traits or even just to develop enough trust that she would be willing to share a bed with him, after all she was hardly a prude.

The timeline Han Solo had suggested was also interesting for another reason. If she assumed he had not excessively rounded their time together, the four years of their acquaintance still left a few months unaccounted for in her memory. This made perfect sense- she had been captured by the empire after all and she doubted they had been kind enough to release her immediately of their own volition. She had likely spent a few months in an imperial prison cell before somehow managing to escape and, if she was willing to believe General Solo’s account, she had then wound up on Tatooine looking for transportation. Of course, it was _possible_ Solo had lied about their meeting, but if so it was a rather detailed and specific lie to tell which made her think it was more likely to be the truth.

There was still one glaring problem. If Leia was to assume that all of this was true, that she had somehow managed to free herself within a few months of her incarceration, then why hadn’t she returned to the rebellion? Surely her first instinct upon escaping her warden’s grasp would have been to join them on Yavin? With her family arrested and Alderaan under the oppressive regime of a military occupation, the rebellion base would have been left as the only logical place for her to turn to, so why hadn’t she gone there? Even if they had evacuated and moved elsewhere, as she knew they had done eventually, the other Leia appeared to have instead chosen to spend at least some of that four years with a man who was a _rebellion associate_ , and _he_ at least would have been able to tell her where the new base was located. She couldn’t make heads or tails of it; the whole scenario was utterly baffling.

The only solution that she could think of that might provide an answer to this question, was that she had spent that four years as Han Solo’s prisoner, and that over the duration of that time she had developed a serious case of captive prisoner syndrome. Not only that, but the extent of her delusion was severe enough that he would have felt confident that she would return to him if he released her and the only reason she hadn’t was because of some fluke incident that resulted in her losing her memory. The whole theory was utterly absurd. General Solo had worked as a smuggler for the rebellion, _someone_ would have noticed if he was keeping someone locked up on his ship against their will.

Finally, and perhaps most informative of all, was the point of her supposed death. Strangely enough, both Vader and General Solo had thought that she had died. From what she could tell, it appeared that their mutually-reached conclusion stemmed from entirely different reasons. With regards to Vader, his belief of her demise might be the direct result of the circumstances of her escape. Perhaps her execution had been staged? Or maybe her escape attempt had cleverly been camouflaged in such a way to suggest that she had died in the attempt, like if a ship or shuttle she had been on had suddenly been destroyed. Even if she had been galivanting around the galaxy for the last four years, as long as she evaded Vader he would have had no reason to suspect she had survived.

Her theory regarding Vader was mostly conjecture and assumptions, but for General Solo she had more information to draw from. Part of the reason he had been angry with her was that they had apparently arranged to meet a few weeks ago on Corellia, a meeting she had never attended because she had lost her memory and returned to Alderaan. Her absence had caused him to assume she was dead, and according to his interview with Dran his reasoning for this was based on something Leia had said to him during their last encounter. What this seemed to suggest was that the other Leia, or ‘Ami’ as Solo knew her, had planned on doing something dangerous, something potentially life-threatening that she had confessed to the general and that had caused him to fear for her safety.

Leia did not know what those plans were that her past-self had made, but she was willing to bet it had something to do with her amnesia. It seemed to be far too much of a coincidence that her past-self seemed to put her life in danger and lose her memory within that same narrow timeframe. The amnesia was still the greatest mystery of all. If General Solo had shown some small subtle indication of being aware that she wouldn’t know who he was or their connection during either their personal meeting or his interview, then the pieces might have been easier to connect. But there had been no indication on his part of suspecting her lack of knowledge, or any exploitation of that fact. This more than anything seemed proof that he had no involvement in her amnesia, which firmly pointed the finger at some other hidden individual.

Some possibilities immediately came to mind, specifically regarding that list she had found in her hotel room. Among the five crossed-out names were Wilhuff Tarkin and Darth Vader, but she doubted either of them were involved. Tarkin had perished in the destruction of the first Death Star and Leia had probably been with General Solo when Vader was arrested and taken into custody by the rebellion, as that was around the same time as their child had been conceived. For the remaining three unfamiliar names on that list, Leia did not have enough information to make any firm conclusions.

Based purely on the presence of Tarkin and Vader on the list, Leia wondered whether the connection between the five individuals was based on all of them being imperial loyalists, or whether all of them had been involved in her capture and/or imprisonment. If this was the case, it was possible that they were all people that the other Leia had wanted brought to justice. Perhaps she had chosen to confront on the three strangers, and the result of that altercation was her amnesia. But while this at first seemed a relatively neat and concise theory, some facts still didn’t add up. If she knew her life would be in danger then why did she go alone? And why was her memory erased? If they had wanted her silenced they could have just killed her. It certainly would have been easier and less risky than drugging her and hoping she would never discover the truth. It seemed clear that if Leia wanted to understand the purpose of the list, she would need to find out exactly who those three men were and how they were all connected.

While this was yet another irksome mystery, it did appear that she was slowly beginning to uncover the truth of what happened in those last four years. The biggest holes in all her theories was actually with herself. Leia simply couldn’t understand her own motivations for the actions she appeared to have taken, which instinctively made her think that she was either misinterpretation the information available, or that there was something wrong with the information itself.

Leia was still trying to think things through when a slight chill that was beginning to sink into her skin caused her to shiver and brought her out of her musings. The water which had been pleasantly hot was now distinctly cool, and the skin on her fingers had started to prune, demonstrating how long she had spent in the bath. Cursing her own lack of attention, she hastily exited the bath and picked up a nearby towel to dry herself.

While towelling her long hair, Leia’s thoughts returned to what she believed was the key point she had come to during her bath. Something had happened between her last meeting with the general and her finding herself on Oberon, and if anyone was to know what that was, she suspected it was the man she had offended earlier that day. It was times like these where she _really_ wished she had better control of her temper. The best she could do now, was to find a way to meet him again, apologise and hope he would be willing to answer her questions.

* * *

A couple of days later, Leia still hadn’t managed to think of how best to approach General Solo again without further aggravating him and thought that it would now be a good time to come clean to her father and ask for his advice. She found him in his office, busily working on a number of flimsis regarding supplies and provisions to be sent to the front line. These days it seemed her parents were constantly tied up in the minutiae of supporting the military effort, her mother in particular was at the moment using her diplomatic skills to try to recruit more systems to join the New Republic.

Feeling a little uncomfortable that she might be interrupting something so important for a matter that was relatively trivial in the grand scheme of things, Leia tentatively knocked on the open door of Bail’s study to try to get his attention. He looked up immediately, and seeing her there he smiled and beckoned her forward. He almost looked a little relieved to have a distraction from his paperwork.

“What is it Leia?” Bail asked kindly.

“Do you have a minute?”

“Of course.” He gestured at the seat opposite his desk. “Allow me to finish this and send it off, then we can talk about whatever is on your mind.”

He scribbled down a few more lines, signed the bottom of each page and then handed the flimsis to a droid. The droid beeped in acknowledgement of his task, and promptly swivelled away to deliver them to whoever they were meant for.

“What is it you wanted to speak to me about?” Bail questioned, a curious frown furrowing his brow.

“I went to speak to General Solo.” Leia admitted, and watched as her father’s face cycled through a plethora of emotions, beginning with shock then transitioning rapidly to horror and finally settling on resignation.

“I don’t know why I’m surprised.” He said wearily. “Did you at least find out anything interesting?”

“Not as much as I would have wanted.” She said. “We didn’t speak much.” She winced as she again recalled the harsh words she had dealt out, something which did not escape her father who immediately jumped to the wrong conclusion.

“Why?” Bail demanded immediately. “What happened?”

“He was being annoying, so I shouted at him and stormed off.” Leia explained. Saying it out loud only made her foolishness more evident, and she cringed inwardly.

Bail looked at her incredulously, and then scoffed. “The general appears to have that effect on people.” He commented drily. “I can’t say that I approve of you going to see him by yourself, you should have _at least_ told either me or your mother in case something happened to you.”

“I thought he would be more honest with me than he was with Dran.” Leia told him, selectively choosing not to respond to his fair comment about her failure to notify anyone of her plans. “And if I hadn’t lost my temper, I believe he would have been. At any rate, he doesn’t seem to have any clue about the memory loss and I didn’t get the sense from him that our relationship wasn’t consensual.”

Bail shook his head sceptically. “You can’t know that, Leia. He might have been telling you anything you wanted to hear.”

Leia snorted. “If that was what he was trying to do, he failed miserably.” She sobered somewhat as she considered that Han Solo had already met her father, perhaps he was better informed on his nature. “You said that he was involved in your rescue, what did you think of him then?” Bail looked a little surprised at the question, and rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

“Honestly, I didn’t like him even then.” He told her after a short pause. “The man was irreverent and rude.” He scowled suddenly as though remembering something unpleasant. “At one point he told me to shut up with my whining or he’d escort me back to my cell.”

While somewhat shocking, having now met the man herself Leia could easily imagine it happening, and the thought of her father’s face in response to such a declaration almost made her want to giggle.

“Not exactly son-in-law material then?” Leia asked with a straight face, and his change in expression at her comment only exacerbated her amusement.

Bail looked as though he was about to say something else when the droid he had sent away returned, emitting a beeping sound indicating that the information it was delivering was important. Her father retrieved the data, and visibly grimaced when he saw what it was about. Glancing at his watch, he sighed and turned back towards her.

“Leia, General Rieekan is in the meeting room. Could you please let him know I will be delayed?” He asked her. Clearly whatever the droid had brought him was serious enough that he couldn’t leave it until after his appointment with Carlist.

She nodded to indicate she would do as he had asked. “What does Rieekan want to see you about?”

“I’m not sure.” Her father said. “He sent me a message yesterday regarding a matter he wanted to speak to me about.” He shrugged as though to dismiss the mystery until he could address it himself.

“I’ll let him know.”

Not wanting to disturb her clearly busy father any further, Leia left again through the door and headed straight to the room the royal family used to greet guests. It was a pleasant enough room- nicely decorated and furnished for the optimum comfort of its occupants, although you would not have guessed that from the way Rieekan was nervously sitting on one of the armchairs. He looked up at her entrance and immediately stood up, looking relieved that it was her that had come to greet him and not one of her slightly scarier parents.

“The Viceroy apologises, but a matter has recently come to his attention and he is going to be late.” She explained formally.

“I understand.” He gave a short laugh. “We all seem to very busy at the moment.”

Not her, Leia thought uncomfortably. With everything that had happened, her official duties had fallen by the wayside and were currently being handled by a number of assistants and helpers. Her mother had told her not to worry about it, that she had enough on her mind without dealing with work at the same time but it didn’t ease the guilt she felt at her own lack of contribution.

“What was it you wanted to speak to him about?” Leia asked, partly to distract herself and partly out of genuine curiosity, and he visibly brightened.

“Actually, you might be able to help. As I understand it, you might be involved in this whole mess.”

“Oh?” Leia’s eyes widened in surprise at his statement. “How so?”

“One of the men under my command, Han Solo, he told me he had been brought in and questioned about your disappearance.” Rieekan explained. “I came to personally vouch for him.”

“You know him?” She asked, shock colouring her voice. She struggled to imagine the two men getting along, General Solo certainly hadn’t seemed to have any respect for authority figures.

“I do.” Rieekan confirmed. “We’ve worked together for a few years.” He shifted on the spot. “He can be… difficult to get used to, but I don’t believe him capable of such intentional maliciousness. I don’t understand how he could have been caught up with this, and he doesn’t seem to know either.”

It was now Leia’s turn to be uncomfortable. “His name came up during our investigations.” She said carefully. “There is clear evidence that he and I crossed paths. Unfortunately, as I don’t remember anything, we had to bring him in to try to shed some light on the situation.”

“I see.” He still looked troubled. “How clear is the evidence?”

“Indisputable.” Leia told him firmly, and shook her head when he seemed to want to ask for further clarification. “I’d rather not speak about it. There is no doubt about whether or not we met, the remaining questions are about the circumstances of that meeting.”

“I can see why you would be suspicious of him then.” Rieekan acknowledged. “Han doesn’t appear to have been aware that he met you, and he’s always despised politics so I doubt he would have recognised you from your senatorial career.”

“I’d have to agree.” She said. “We don’t think he was aware of who I was at the time.” Leia hesitated. “Why are you so certain he had no involvement in my memory loss or imprisonment?” While _she_ knew that this was the case, she was curious as to why Rieekan was so adamant about his innocence.

“Han Solo threw away a promising career in the Imperial military in order to save a Wookie he didn’t know.” Rieekan told her. “Those are _not_ the actions of a man who would intentionally hurt someone who meant him no harm.”

His declaration stunned Leia into silence. This was not something she had heard of before, but it now made the Wookie’s presence during her meeting with the general a little clearer. From what she remembered of her studies, the Kashyyyk natives took life debts very seriously, and the Wookie at the hanger was likely the same one that General Solo had apparently sacrificed a comfortable life for. This revelation certainly changed her opinion of the man in question.

The sound of her father’s footsteps as he entered the room saved her from having to come up with a response. Suspecting that the following conversation would likely be very similar to the one she had just had, Leia wished General Rieekan a good day and excused herself from the room to leave the two men talk, mulling over the strange feeling that the enigmatic Han Solo had suddenly risen a few more degrees in her estimation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While writing this chapter I became aware of a future plot hole which I’ve fixed, but this seemed a good time to remind you guys that this is very much a work in progress so there may be mistakes and inconsistences. I’ve also decided to edit out mentions of Winter in Chapter 7 because unfortunately, I can’t find a way to fit her into the story and I would rather she didn’t exist if I’m not going to use her. Hope you enjoyed this chapter.


	15. Chapter 15

The Queen of Alderaan’s dressing room was a beautiful place to be in, Leia thought, with its large ornate mirrors decorating the walls and the assorted display cases filled with various arrays of regal accessories. She had fond memories of playing in the room when she was a young girl, putting her tiny feet into her mother’s shoes, and poking around all the wondrous and brightly-coloured bottles she could find. Her interest in such frivolous items gradually waned as she grew older, but her enjoyment of getting ready for a ball or ceremony with her mother never had.

Today though was different. Of the two mannequins in the corner of the room, one was as bare as the day it had been brought to the palace, while the other was adorned with the lovely purple silk gown Leia’s mother planned on wearing that evening. The Queen herself was seated on a bench in the middle of the room, facing a vanity and watching her reflection as her daughter carefully braided her hair.

“Are you sure you don’t want to attend?” Breha asked her. It was the day of the award ceremony, the service where Han Solo and other rebellion heroes would be honoured for their contributions to the defeat of the Empire. 

“I’m sure.” Leia pinned the dark braid into place, and stepped back to assess her handiwork.

Despite her words to the contrary, she did actually intend on going to the ceremony, but not in any official capacity. After her conversation with Rieekan not too long ago, she had walked into the Great Hall of the palace to see banners being unfurled and decorations being arranged. It took her a minute or two before she promptly remembered that the whole reason Han Solo was on Alderaan was for the award ceremony that would soon be taking place. She could have kicked herself- all this time she had been trying to strategize a way to speak to him again and had somehow forgotten that the perfect opportunity would soon present itself.

While there was no hope of speaking to General Solo during the ceremony itself, Leia hoped she would have to chance to get him alone during the celebrations that would take place immediately afterwards. She would apologise to him for the insults she had hurled unthinkingly, and would do her best to capitalise on the good mood he would be in from receiving a medal, and try to address some of the questions she had for him once she had obtained his forgiveness for her behaviour.

“I have to admit,” Breha began with a small smile, “it will be strange to present a medal to a stranger who also happens to be the father of my first potential grandchild.”

Leia snickered, it did certainly sound a little surreal when it was put like that, but that did just seem to be the correct trajectory her life was taking.

“What did you think of him when you spoke to him?” Breha gently probed.

“I don’t know.” She answered honestly. “My opinion of him is very conflicted. He didn’t make a very good first impression.”

“Your father said the same.” Breha thoughtfully replied.

Leia nodded in agreement. “With some time and hindsight, I think part of the reason I thought badly of him was because I misunderstood his intentions. General Rieekan’s willingness to vouch for him gave me a lot to think about, I’ve always believed him to be a good judge of character.”

“I concur.” Breha said softly. “Carlist has known the man longer than any of us, and I value his input.” The Queen turned towards her daughter and grinned suddenly. “I seem to be the only one left who _hasn’t_ met the man.” She commented drily. “I look forward to making my own assessment of his character.”

When it came to people’s opinions that Leia valued, she had to admit that it was the Queen’s opinion that had always held the greatest sway over her. She was accustomed to butting heads with her father, and while she respected him just as much she knew that suffered from the same flaw as she did- that his opinion when first formed was difficult to change, and his beliefs were sometimes compromised by prior experiences. Breha had always been better at letting people’s actions rather than their words inform her of their character, so she was glad that her mother had firmly stated her conviction in withholding judgement until she was able to evaluate General Solo’s character in person.

“Please do.” Leia told her. “Your opinion might help me formulate my own.”

* * *

A few hours after Leia had helped her mother get ready for the award ceremony, she found herself discreetly hidden in a high-placed balcony overlooking the Great Hall, carefully searching the crowd for the man she wanted to speak to that day. She had again chosen to dress inconspicuously for the occasion, but this time had purposely selected garments in shades of white and cream in order to better blend into the background of the marble walls. From her high vantage point, she doubted anyone would glance up at her when all the attention would be focussed on the front of the room where the medals were to be given out, but she didn’t want to risk standing out too much in case they did.

A hush suddenly fell over the room as Breha emerged into the Great Hall from a doorway next to the raised stage, and moved elegantly to the podium. She smiled serenely at the people assembled in front of her and began the speech she had prepared for the occasion. Leia sank down to hide behind the thick white railings of the balcony as she allowed her mother’s words to wash over her. The Queen had always had this presence about her that commanded the attention of a room, and that made everyone present feel as welcome as if they had been invited to their family sitting room. She had always loved to hear her speak.

It was with some regret that Leia tore her eyes away from that beloved figure to continue to scan the crowd. Eventually her gaze zeroed in, not on the man she was looking for, but instead on the now familiar silhouette of his Wookie companion. With his great height, the Wookie stood out easily among the people he was surrounded by, which made him comparatively much easier to locate. His attention was firmly focused on the Queen, and he appeared to be listening intently to her speech. As she watched him, it occurred to her that she still didn’t know his name. This ignorance was not something that sat well with her. If he was as close to the general as he seemed to be, then she would likely have to spend at least some time around him in the future, and she should _at least_ know his name even if she couldn’t understand him. Perhaps she would have the opportunity to ask General Solo later that day.

Dismissing the thought for the moment, Leia let her gaze drift to his side and felt a surge of triumph at having finally found the general. Unlike his friend, he was fidgeting and disinterestedly looking the room, and for a moment she felt a brief spark of offence on her mother’s behalf that he dared to ignore the speaker who would be giving him an award. But before her outrage could truly take hold, Rieekan’s words once again rang through her mind- _“He’s always despised politics”_. She winced as she remembered that it was these kinds of reactions that had got her into trouble in the first place. She was too quick to take things personally, and she wondered if it had been any other speaker whether she would similar have condemned his lack of interest.

He seemed different today, she perceived and it took her a moment to realise what it was. When she had met him in that hanger he had been dressed dissimilarly, and thinking of it now she realised he hadn’t looked at all like a solider. Today he was in full dress uniform, and would have been very handsome if it weren’t for the permanently petulant expression on his face. He reminded her of a child that had been forced into their best clothes against their will and blamed the rest of the world for the supposed indignity of it all.

As the Queen’s speech ended, Leia returned her attention to the front as names were called out and medals given. She watched a small procession of various men and women, some she knew well and others who were less familiar to her, as they received their awards. One name in particular captured her attention, Luke Skywalker, the famed Jedi she had heard so much about recently.

She watched him as he walked to the front and was a little surprised at how unremarkable he was. A little on the short side and with a mess of blonde hair, he wasn’t quite the mysterious and enigmatic individual she had imagined him to be. He accepted his medal from her mother with a wide grateful smile, stammered out a thanks, and stepped away. There was something rather innocent about his reaction, and she wondered whether this was the first time he had ever encountered royalty.

The way General Solo accepted his medal could not have been more different. He moved to the stage with the same swaggering confidence as he had during his interview, and he gave a mocking little bow once he reached the front. Breha appeared unfazed as she pinned the medal to his uniform and thanked him for his service, but her composure slipped when he leaned slightly forward to say something to her. Much to Leia’s surprise, her mother let out a brief amused laugh before she dismissed him with a smile.

Instead of returning to the Wookie’s side, as she would have expected, General Solo headed straight to Luke Skywalker and immediately engaged him in conversation. Judging from the way the Jedi rolled his eyes and responded to the older man, she thought it safe to assume that they were friends. Both of them had been involved in delivering the droids to the rebel base on Yavin, she remembered. And if her memories were not deceiving her, she recalled that Commander Skywalker had hired Solo as a transport to Alderaan, and the experience had likely formed the foundations of a strong friendship. How odd it was, that General Solo had managed to develop two very different relationship from performing essentially the same task.

Glancing at her watch, Leia realised that they were now reaching the end of the award ceremony. The Queen would make her closing comments, and then the celebrations would begin. Food and drink would be brought out, and the assembled guests would be allowed to mingle for the next few hours to allow the normal politicking that always followed such events to take place. If she wanted to get Han Solo alone, she would need to better position herself.

* * *

Leia made her way downstairs to the hallways and passages directly adjacent to the Great Hall. She could already hear the loud buzzing of the great multitude of voices inside the room all chattering and interacting with one another, and for a moment she felt quite grateful she had decided to mostly avoid the event. As much as she enjoyed the political arena, she despised the bootlicking sycophantic behaviour that was inescapable with these sorts of gatherings.

There were guards at one of the side entrances who looked at her curiously when she appeared from around the corner. She smiled sweetly at them and explained that she wanted a quick word with her father without causing too much of a disruption. They glanced at each other briefly, and nodded before letting her through a small crack in the door.

Once in the room, Leia immediately flattened herself against the wall and sidled over until she was hidden by one of the many columns which decoratively lined both sides of the room. No one appeared to have noticed her arrival, and she kept her head down as she carefully travelled over to the small group of men that included Han Solo, Luke Skywalker and the Wookie. Luckily, they were assembled by the side of the room which allowed her to position herself carefully so that she was within hearing range of the group but out of their direct line of sight.

“Why are you fidgeting so much, Kid?” She heard General Solo say. _Who was he talking to?_ She poked her head slightly around the pillar she was hidden behind so she could see who answered, and much to her surprise it was Commander Skywalker that spoke up next.

“Do you think that princess is here today?” True to what the general had said, the Jedi was looking around and generally doing anything other than remaining still. She did find it odd that the general would call him ‘kid’ since she could now see from her closer position that Skywalker was about the same age as her.

“Don’t know, don’t care.” General Solo said dismissively. “Princesses seem to be far more trouble than they’re worth.” Leia grimaced a little at his attitude but couldn’t really blame him for it. She certainly hadn’t made his life easy, and that was even before he knew that ‘Ami’ was the same woman as the princess he had been interrogated about.

“Well _you_ would know.” Commander Skywalker teased, and while his comment was clearly meant as a mocking joke at the genera’s expense, it had the opposite effect on Leia. _What did he mean by that?_ _Had someone told him about the interview?_ The general also didn’t seem to find the comment particularly funny, and he let out a long, and drawn-out sarcastic laugh in response.

“Seriously though.” The commander said. “She managed to get those plans to us on Tatooine, and she’s the reason I met Obi-Wan. I want to thank her for that.”

It had seemed so long ago that she had recorded the message on R2-D2 and sent off that crucial data set. It almost felt like the four years that had passed between now and then. But remembering it, she couldn’t help but wonder whether Han Solo had seen her message, and whether they had interacted even so far back as then. It didn’t seem that he had connected Ami with the princess in the holorecording, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t seen it. Artoo was an old astromech unit, and unfortunately the holograms he was capable of producing were of fairly low quality. She doubted any of her features had been clearly visible, which would have only given the impression of a white-clad woman with brunette side buns. Even if he had seen it he probably wouldn’t have recognised her, especially if when he met her in person she had snow-white hair in a less dramatic hairstyle.

“Thank who?” A new but familiar voice joined the trio, disrupting Leia’s thoughts. _Oh gods_. She poked her head back around, and sure enough it was the stony face of her father she saw now with the group, and judging from the downward twist on Han Solo’s lips, she guessed that he recognised that the dark look on Bail’s face was firmly targeted at him.

“Viceroy Organa.” The general greeted coolly, and the naming of the newcomer made Luke Skywalker’s face brighten with recognition.

“I was just saying how much I wanted to thank your daughter for all her help.” The Jedi said cheerily, seemingly unaware of the tension resonating between the two men. “You must be so happy to have her back safely.”

“We are.” Bail said. “Although we are still trying to find the culprits responsible for her disappearance.” At this he shot a dirty look over at the tall man.  

General Solo looked as though he was about to make some sort of retort to that comment, but the Wookie at his side elbowed him sharply enough that he almost knocked the Corellian off his feet. He turned to glare at his companion, but seemed to get the message and settled for remaining surly and silent.

Still oblivious, Commander Skywalker addressed Bail again in that same light-hearted tone. “Is she here today?”

“I’m afraid not.” Her father said, voice softening as he returned his attention to the Jedi. “She didn’t feel up to attending.”

“That’s a shame.” Commander Skywalker said, looking genuinely disappointed.

Perhaps wanting to alleviate his change in mood, Bail changed the subject. “I don’t believe you have met the queen yet, have you?”

Luke shook his head. “I haven’t had the pleasure.”

“Allow me to introduce you.” Bail guided the young Jedi away and towards a large circle of people surrounding Breha, all eager to gain her favour, leaving the Wookie and the general alone.

Sensing her opportunity, Leia stepped slightly away from the pillar and more prominently into the light. The sudden movement caught General Solo’s attention, and his focus immediately zeroed in on her before his eyes widened in shock and recognition.

* * *

Leia held his gaze for a long moment ahead of turning around and beginning to walk away. Behind her, she heard him make some excuses to the Wookie, before the light sound of his footsteps began to follow her. Satisfied that he had understood her wordless instructions, she headed back to the side door she had entered from, again keeping close to the edges of the room to avoid attracting too much attention. She didn’t want one of her parents to notice what she was up to.

She nodded at the guards as she moved past them, and immediately made her way along the mostly deserted corridors of the palace. She kept her pace fast enough that she remained ahead of the general but slow enough that he wouldn’t lose her while she took him along this winding journey, taking several turns until eventually she reached her old senatorial office.

Leaving the door open behind her, she walked over and leaned against her desk, waiting for him to catch up with her. Her desk was the same as she’d left it all those years ago, and spying the framed photograph of herself and her parents, Leia quickly moved it so it was lying face down. She didn’t want to deal with any questions that might arise if he saw it.

As she raised her eyes from the back of the frame, she saw the general walk into the room, and carefully close the door behind him. The sound it made as it shut had a sense of finality around it, firmly closing off the two people from the rest of the world.

General Solo let go of the doorknob and turned to face her. Leia found herself faltering as any words she had been prepared to say to him fled her now that they were alone. They had never been truly unaccompanied before, at least not that she remembered. Even at the hanger, the presence of the Wookie in the ship had given their meeting a distinctly different feel from that of today.

“Hey.” She finally managed, and her simple greeting elicited a small smile from the man in front of her.

“Hi.” He returned. He made no move to get any closer to her, for which she was grateful. She didn’t know how well she would react to another surprise hug. “You seem to know this place quite well.” He remarked wryly but not unkindly, providing them a neutral topic to begin their conversation with.

“I live here.” Leia answered simply, which caused him to raise an eyebrow in surprise.

“Doesn’t really seem like your kind of scene.” He pointed out. “Are you under house arrest or something?”

“What?” She asked in bafflement until his question sank in. “No. I told you last time, I’ve not been arrested.” Sensing that they were approaching dangerous territory again, Leia hastily changed the subject. “I wanted to apologise.” She said. “For my behaviour the last time we saw each other. I’m sorry for insulting you, there’s no excuse for it.”

“I’m sorry too.” General Solo said, and he looked truly contrite. More so than she would have expected, considering the major portion of the blame for that incident could be laid at her feet. “I was so worried when you didn’t show up on Corellia,” he explained, “but I shouldn’t have shouted at you.” He sighed heavily. “I never got the chance to ask, but how did your meeting go? I presume it went well since you’re standing in front of me right now.”

“Meeting? What meeting?” Leia asked eagerly. His direct reference to it seemed to confirm some of her suspicions, and all she needed now was for him to give her more details. Perhaps she should have more carefully modulated her tone, because instead of answering her a frown crossed his face.

“You know _exactly_ what meeting I am talking about,” he told her, sounding increasingly annoyed, “we had a huge fight about it, remember?”

Of course she didn’t, but _he_ couldn’t know that. Leia frantically tried to think of how she could talk her way out of this situation without playing all her cards at once or further irritating him. And in the end, with time running out and no perfect answer revealing itself, she decided that her best option was to try to distract him from his question with simple shock tactics.

“I’m pregnant.” Leia told him. No preamble or dressing it up. Nothing like the way she had told her parents, and his reaction was equally different and totally unexpected.

“Oh,” General Solo said, “right.” He looked a little surprised, but certainly not as impacted as she would have thought. He seemed to take a brief moment to shake himself. “Do you know what you want to do?” He asked. “You know you have my complete support, and I’ll back you no matter what you decide.”

_What?_ It certainly was not the reaction she had been expecting and she half-thought that perhaps it hadn’t truly sunk in. Surely, any moment now, the news would hit him with all the force of a stampede of nerfs and he would behave more like a man who had just been told of his potential impending fatherhood.

However, underneath her concern, Leia felt a wave of deep gratitude. He did not appear to have any intention of trying to influence her decision. A part of her had feared that once he recovered from hearing those words he would immediately demand whatever outcome he found most preferable, regardless of what she might wish.

“You’re taking it rather well.” She commented suspiciously, when he continued to patiently wait for her answer.

“Well we knew it was a possibility.” He said with a shrug, and then cracked a grin. “Pregnancy and STDs are the usual consequences of unprotected sex.” He joked, but when she didn’t even smile his face turned serious.

“How are you coping with all of this?” He asked gently.

Leia shook her head mutely, and within the next few seconds he was by her side, gently cupping her face in his hands as carefully as if he was holding a porcelain doll. “I’m sorry, I know this can’t be easy.” He said sympathetically, lightly stroking her cheeks.

The combination of his touch, and his kind words left Leia struggling to come up with a response. But before she could muster the strength to reassure the general that she was fine and he didn’t have to worry, the door suddenly slammed open.

General Solo immediately released her, and whirled on the door already having drawn and aimed a blaster at the individual that had interrupted them. It only took him a second or two to realise who their visitor was, and he swore violently before holstering his weapon.

“Kinda busy, pal!” He snapped at the Wookie who had just entered the room, gesturing wildly at Leia. He must have come looking for them, she realised. The Wookie roared something at him and the general rolled his eyes, clearly having recognised whatever his friend had said. “No, we’re not arguing again!” He said insistently.

With his question sufficiently answered, the Wookie zeroed in on her next and growled something at her. But unlike the general, Leia had absolutely no idea what he had said and realised she might be in a little trouble when General Solo turned to her directly and looked at her expectantly for her answer. She was gradually getting the impression that ‘Ami’ had learned how to interpret Shyriiwook over those four years.

A minute or so passed by in awkward silence until the Wookie spoke up again, catching the general’s attention and whatever it was that he said, it made the man frown in confusion as he turned back to look at her.

“Chewie says you’ve been pretending not to understand him.” He told her, his tone faintly accusative.

“That’s because I can’t.” Leia admitted, which only served to aggravate him further.

“What do you mean you _can’t_?” He demanded. “You’ve certainly spent enough time around him, and you definitely understood him the last time we were all together.” He rubbed his eyes in frustration. “I don’t understand you Ami, you’ve been acting strange ever since you came back.”

“Almost as if I’m a completely different person?” Leia asked, and his head shot up immediately as though she had hit the nail on the head.

“Exactly.” He said slowly, eyes narrowing on her as though he could discover her meaning by staring it out of her.

“I suppose I am different from the person you knew.” She said softly. There was little point hiding it now. “I have amnesia.” Leia said shortly and clearly, finally revealing to him that which she had concealed since their first meeting.

“You… what?!” He looked utterly flabbergasted, as though that was the last thing he would have expected to come out of her mouth.

“I have no memory of the last four or so years.” She clarified. “Someone drugged me, and-”

“What?!” He said again, sounding no more enlightened that he had a few moments ago.

Leia paused and took a deep breath. “I know this is a shock.” It was a little bit ridiculous, but his reaction to this news was more how she would have expected him to react to the pregnancy bomb.

“How? Why?” He demanded. This was progress, Leia thought. The initial impact of the shock appeared to have faded, and he was now registering and questioning what she had said, but still its meaning did not appear to have fully sunken in since the questions he was asking were those she was unable to answer.

“I don’t remember.” Leia told him slowly. “I was hoping _you_ might have some idea.” The look on his face told her he didn’t, and while she had been coming around to the idea that he had no involvement in her memory loss it was still a disappointment to have it confirmed that he knew nothing of the matter.

“What-” he paused and shook his head. “You can’t be serious. This is some sort of joke.” He both looked and sounded as though he desperately wished this was the truth. He was in denial, and honestly she should have expected it, it was hardly the most believable story.

“I’m not laughing, are you?” Her voice was quiet and serious. Glancing over at the Wookie revealed that while he had not spoken since she had made her reveal, that did not mean he had not been paying attention. The Wookie was studying her so intently that she thought it likely that he at least believed her.

“You’re serious.”

“I am.”

Another expression briefly crossed the general’s face, and was gone before she could identify it. “What’s the last thing you remember?” He asked, and it was only now that she belatedly noticed just how pale he had turned over the course of the conversation.

“I don’t remember you at all, or him.” Leia told him, nodding over at the Wookie he had called ‘Chewie’. She didn’t want to get into the whole princess business at the moment. Judging by the way this was going, she didn’t think he would cope too well with yet another bombshell.

“Then how…?”

“The baby.” She said gently, anticipating that he was going to ask how she knew to find him. “I had a DNA test done, and your name came up as a paternal match.” Even as she said it she realised how cold and clinical it sounded, but it was the truth and there was nothing that she could say that would make it sound any better.

General Solo swore and jerkily ran a hand through his hair. She wondered whether he was starting to really believe that she was telling the truth. “The interview?” He asked, no longer capable of forming complete questions.

“I was pregnant by a complete stranger, my family and I assumed the worst.” Leia explained briefly. “We needed to find out what you knew, I’m just sorry the whole thing became so utterly derailed.”

He physically recoiled from her as a horrified expression crossed his face. “You were there?!”

She flinched. Gods that interview had been such a mess, and even admitting she had been present would in some way implicate her as responsible for the way he had been treated, but to lie would only worsen the betrayal he clearly already felt.

Leia nodded with some shame. “I was behind the glass.” She hastened to add that she had fully condemned the nature in which the interview had turned, but before she could get more than a word or two out, he interrupted her.

“I can’t believe this.”

He looked so utterly lost, that for a moment she was almost sorry that she had told him anything, but at the end of the day this was all information that he needed to know. She couldn’t go on pretending she knew who he was.

The Wookie named Chewie stepped forward and lightly rested his furry hand on the man’s shoulder, but he merely shrugged it off, clearly not wanting anyone’s comfort at the moment. She shared a look with the Wookie, and even though she couldn’t understand his speech she felt something pass between them that seemed like comprehension.

“Look,” Leia said, doing her best to suffuse her voice with as much kindness as possible. “I’ve given you a lot to think about, and I don’t think we’ll get any further today. Someone is probably going to notice you are gone soon, so why don’t you go back to the hall and we can talk about this some more another day, when you’ve had some time to… digest it all.”

The general didn’t respond, and this time he allowed the Wookie rest his hand on him. His shoulders dropped and he suddenly looked unbelievably deflated. Chewie looked at him in concern before returning his focus to Leia. He nodded to indicate he agreed with her assessment of the situation, and she watched in confusion as he seemed to mime something at her.

“Flying?” She guessed. He nodded vigorously and gestured for her to take another related guess. “The ship!” She grasped the point he was trying to make immediately. “You want me to meet you on the ship?”

The Wookie looked pleased, and then raised two fingers. “You want me to meet you on the ship in two days?” He again signalled his affirmation.

Throughout their strange little pantomime, General Solo had not uttered one word or made any sign that he was listening to what was going on, likely too busy with his own inner turmoil to care what was happening around him. And that strange unresponsiveness did not change as Chewie carefully lead him out of the room and away from Leia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Han, and he was doing so well until the whole amnesia thing came up. Chapter 16 is planned, and there will be some important conversations happening. By the way, I recently found out ‘flimsi’ was the Star Wars version of paper, so I’ve gone back and edited all references to paper. If you notice any other similar mistakes, please let me know and I’ll fix those too.


	16. Chapter 16

With her aunts away for the week on various fundraising efforts around the galaxy, it was only Leia and her parents at breakfast that morning. The result was a rather more quiet and serious meal than usual, with Bail and Breha discussing matters of state instead of the aunts predominating the conversation material. Wryly Leia realised she almost missed the often-frivolous topics her aunts brought up, it was at least a welcome break in all the talk of misery and death.

Her own dark thoughts didn’t help the matter as they were presently centred around her scheduled meeting with General Solo that afternoon. She wondered whether having yesterday to think everything over had been enough to allow him to recover from the shock of hearing about her memory loss. In the midst of her distracted reflections over the man and the current state of his well-being, she was only able to half-listen to the ongoing conversation between her parents.

“I can’t believe Mon Mothma granted them total immunity.” Bail said, shaking his head in disapproval. They were discussing the recent breaking news which had announced that a vigilante group that had lately taken to working with the Republic were not to be prosecuted for some of their more egregious actions during the war.

Breha demurred. “She didn’t have much choice. The weight of public opinion is mostly in their favour, and their contribution to the war effort, while a little… discomforting, has been invaluable.”

“I _understand_ it,” Bail grumbled, “doesn’t mean I condone it.”

Leia wasn’t as familiar with the group they were discussing as much as they were, but she still struggled to sympathise with her father’s obvious disdain. They were at war, and unfortunately atrocities committed by both sides were par for the course. The grief-stricken, and gods knew the empire had created a lot of them, could often turn to violence out of a primal need for revenge. They could condemn the actions while still understanding the motivations behind them.

The two continued to bicker on for some time as Leia chewed uneasily on a piece of toast, thoughts about the general still swirling anxiously around her head. Eventually the conversation tapered off as the Queen became aware of the time, and excused herself for royal business.

In a warm maternal gesture, Breha lightly kissed her daughter’s forehead on her way out of the dining room. The sudden move startled Leia before she was rapidly filled with a profound sense of affection for her loving and caring mother. Uninvited, this effect caused a new thought to intrude into her mind. Of another woman who might have done the same thing had fate been a little kinder. That enigmatic birth mother whose identity she had long suspected, but in its lack of confirmation was still shrouded in mystery.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Bail asked, watching her intently and seeming to have noticed how inattentive she had been.

The answer was on the tip of her tongue before Leia hesitated. She was unsure as to whether she really wanted to discuss with him what was currently on her mind. There was always the potential that he might take her curiosity about her birth mother the wrong way. She knew it had always been a particular anxiety of Breha’s, that ever present irrational fear that one day she might pick that mysterious stranger over the beloved person that had raised her.

“Leia,” he called her name gently, clearly having seen her reluctance, “you know you can tell me if there’s anything that’s bothering you.”

“There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you about, but I’m not sure how you’ll react.” Leia began, and watched as her father slowly put down his fork to give her his full attention. “Back in that interview room,” she said, warily watching him to gage his reaction, “you appeared surprised to hear the name Amidala.”

For a moment there was silence as Bail gave her a hard stare, perhaps trying to determine the motivations for such an out of the blue remark.

“I was.” He agreed eventually, and paused thoughtfully as though carefully choosing his words. “Padmé Amidala Naberrie was a good friend of mine, I was unaware you knew much of her or held her in high enough regard to give yourself her name.”

“So was I.” Leia commented drily. “I did know of her, perhaps more so than you might have expected, but I had not considered using her for a pseudonym before.” The fact that she, or at least the Leia of the past, had done that was suspicious in and of itself.

“Well I can’t blame you for researching her,” he gave a short-forced laugh, “in fact I shouldn’t have been surprised. She was a wonderful, brave and intelligent woman. Exactly the type of person I could see you looking up to.”

“Is that the only reason I should have to be interested in her?” She probed. “Or is there something else?”

He stilled at that. “What do you mean?” Every inch of him seemed to scream unsaid panic or worry that he was desperately trying to hide. Had she been anyone else but the daughter that had known and loved him all her life, it might have worked.

“Was Senator Amidala my mother?” Leia blurted out, her curiosity overcoming any attempt at caution.

Her question seemed to trigger some visceral reaction in Bail, as he jerked away from her in surprise, eyes wide and fearful as though she had accurately guessed at some awful hidden truth, which she supposed in a way she had.

“Why would you think that? Where could you have possibly gotten that idea?” He demanded, shock colouring his voice, he opened his mouth as though to continue to unthinkingly question her without waiting for an actual answer, but Leia swiftly interrupted him.

“Is it true?” She asked, remaining calm and quiet in the hope that some of it would transfer over to her clearly upset father.

Bail looked torn, and after a long moment of silence he eventually answered. “It is.” He sounded defeated, but at the same time as though a weight had suddenly been lifted off his chest. For Leia it was much the same, his words hit her like a wave and flooded her with relief. The truth had finally come out. “How did you find out?” He asked.

“I didn’t.” She looked away from him. “I thought it might be true, but I never knew for certain. It seemed too fantastical, that I might be related to such a revolutionary fighter for democracy.” Even now, said aloud, it sounded like the absurd daydreamings of every other orphan who imagined themselves related to their idol. But now she knew. It _hadn’t_ all been some stupid childish fantasy. Still, now was not the time to dwell on such matters. She owed her father an explanation for her knowledge, it was the least he deserved for giving her this.

“A few years ago, back when I first entered the senate, the representation from Naboo told me I bore an uncanny resemblance both in appearance and in attitude to the former Queen.” Leia explained. “I was curious, so I looked into her. I found out the senator was right, she _did_ look like me.”

It was a memory that had stuck with her. There had been a diplomatic mission to Naboo in the weeks following on from her discussion with the politician, and she had volunteered to attend with the purpose of finding out more about this woman she supposedly resembled. At the capital, up one of the spiralling towers of the main government building, there had been a room called the Hall of Queens lined with the portraits of all the monarchs of Naboo that had reigned since the tradition had begun. In that room, she had spent a long time staring at the likeness of that fabled woman and comparing those features to her own. The similarities were uncanny, and that on its own had been damning enough evidence of a potential familial connection.

“Then I found out,” Leia continued, “about how she died with a child, only a week or two before her due date, around the same time as my birthday.”

There had been a beautiful memorial dedicated to her in Naboo’s political quarter, commissioned at obvious great expense by an anonymous donor. It had given the dates and emphasised the tragedy of the two lives lost. Thinking of it now, in her own expectant state, there was another more personal twist to that horror story. No official cause of death had ever been given, but considering the emperor had arisen to power at that tumultuous time, she doubted it had been a natural occurrence.

She paused to look at her father pointedly. “And then I discovered that she had been close to you.” Another memorial, this one tucked away in a hidden corner of Alderaan’s royal gardens, surrounded by trees and flowers native to Naboo. And an old gardener who had recalled the personal visits made by both Bail and Breha.

“It all seemed too coincidental that you adopted me around the same day as she died.” Leia finished, and folded her hands across her lap to wait to hear his own thoughts.

“You’re right.” Bail told her sadly, but looking also strangely accepting of it all, as though it had perhaps been inevitable that she would find out. “It _was_ too much of a coincidence.”

He paused as though overtaken with memories. “Padmé, she- there was-” he stuttered slightly, struggling for an appropriate combination of words. “She was injured.” He said finally. “She was able to give birth, but she died shortly afterwards. I took you and brought you to Alderaan, to your mother.”

That information filled some of the empty gaps in her knowledge of the events that had unfolded, but something still niggled at her. It couldn’t have been that simple, Leia instinctively felt, there had to have been more to the story. Unfortunately for the moment, she was too relieved to finally have a confirmation to the question she had held in her heart for so long to delve deeper into the matter. But even if she had the inclination, it was swept away with her father’s next question.  

“If you’ve suspected for so long, why have you only brought this up now?” Bail asked earnestly.

“I don’t know.” Leia shrugged.

She almost considered leaving it there and dismissing the question out of hand as unimportant, but there was something in his eyes that suggested he really wanted to know why after all this time she had finally sought the truth.

“It seems more important now.” She admitted finally. In a way she too was a mother, even if only in waiting. Knowing her own heritage and what she might be passing down seemed of greater value now than it had before. While naturally curious of her parentage, as she imaged all orphans were, it had been a more scientific curiosity rather than a deep need to connect with her birth family as she knew it was for many other people.

Bail seemed to soften as though he knew what she was thinking. “You have maternal relatives on Naboo.” He told her, as though this might soothe any feeling of loss she might be experiencing. “Maybe one day, if you decide you want to, you could go meet them and find out more about Padmé for yourself.”

Something in that caught Leia’s attention. She had never looked into Senator Amidala’s family, not wanting to give into the temptation to find out more about that aspect of her until she knew the truth for certain. But even then, she had always assumed that any relations of hers would be distant, estranged or dead. Hearing otherwise only raised more questions, and she stared at Bail uncomprehendingly. “If I have family on Naboo, why wasn’t I raised by them?” These facts weren’t adding up, he was still keeping a secret from her.

“We- I did consider it.” Bail said hastily, rapidly covering up his slight error in speech. “But it would have been too dangerous. Padmé was hugely beloved but also a dangerous figure of rebellion to the empire. If they knew her child had survived they would have taken you and indoctrinated you to become an imperial figurehead. They would have completely destroyed any remaining memories of Padmé as a symbol of resistance and democracy.”

His reasoning made sense, and Leia felt herself relax. He wasn’t keeping something from her, she was just reacting from being so oversensitive to mysteries and deception from her memory loss and investigations.

“She was a wonderful woman, and an even greater politician.” Bail said fondly. “I wish you could have had a chance to know her. I think you would have liked her.”

“I think so too.” Leia gave him a small smile.

As though encouraged by that gesture, her father perked up. “I have so many stories I could tell you”

“I’d love to hear them.” She drew her chair slightly closer to him, and he put a fatherly arm around her.

“She had your fighter spirit,” he told her, “I remember there was this time…” He launched into an in depth and animated tale about the Senator’s involvement in the Clone Wars. All the while, Leia watched him in amazement, utterly riveted by the story and feeling as thought she was now a little bit closer to this woman who had given her life.

With the dam of the secret finally burst, Bail seemed perfectly happy to speak at length on the topic of Padmé Naberrie, his affection for his close friend clearly evident with each and every anecdote. It was only after he had left, long after her coffee had gone cold, that Leia realised that in all those stories and narrations, not once had he ever mentioned the man who the great Padmé he had so admired had chosen to father her child.

* * *

With the revelations of that day still churning through her mind, Leia made her way back to the hanger where she had first met General Solo, as per the instructions of the Wookie given a mere two days previously. She felt a certain degree of dread for what might happen that afternoon. She couldn’t predict how the general might react to her presence in the aftermath of his discovery of her amnesia. He had seemed devastated that she didn’t remember him, and that in itself was enough to allow her to excuse his previous lapses in behaviour and to feel a profound sense of sympathy for him and for what he had clearly lost.

Using her access card on the hanger door, she swiftly made her way to the ship she still doubted had ever passed a flight safety test. She had expected the ramp to already be down in anticipation of her arrival, but perplexingly it was up, obscuring any attempt she might have made to inspect the insides of the strange vehicle before the general or Wookie arrived to speak to her.

With no other option left available to her, Leia pressed the buzzer as she had the last time and waited impatiently for someone to come attend to her. After a few moments delay, the Wookie known as Chewie appeared to greet her. Much to her surprise, instead of leaving the ramp down as he had before, he paused to quickly key a code onto a nearby panel to close up the ship again before turning to face her. She felt a flare of offence at the display of distrust to the woman who was now a stranger. What did they think she was going to do? Run up there and steal anything not nailed to the floor?

She crossed her arms defensively, and did her best to push down the irritation she felt. It would not be productive to the discussion that needed to be had. Chewie at least had the decency to look a little apologetic about it all, before he repeated the pantomime they had developed during their previous encounter. He raised five fingers before pointing at the ship as though to indicate the person inside.

“The general needs five minutes?” She guessed, and was proven right when the Wookie nodded. She supposed that was understandable enough, they had never arranged a time and it was entirely possible she had appeared while he was busy with something else. Shuffling her feet, Leia raised her gaze to meet the dark eyes of the Wookie. “How has he been? Is he doing any better?”

Chewie nodded, and shook his hand in a way that suggested there had only been a minor improvement. Well that was something to be glad about at least, she couldn’t help but think. He made another gesture, this time towards herself which she struggled for a while to interpret.

“Me? You want to know how I’m doing?” Leia asked in disbelief, surprised he would even care, but that did appear to have been his intention. “I’m fine.” She dismissed readily.

As though he didn’t believe her for a second, the Wookie shot her a knowing glare. “I am!” She insisted, but this was not enough to satisfy him and he continued to look at her pointedly.

After another moment or so of silence, Leia let out a frustrated sigh and decided to unload everything that was presently annoying her in the hope that it would get him off her back. “I don’t know where I’ve been or what I’ve been doing for the last four years. I’m pregnant. I feel awful. I ache everywhere, I’m constantly crying, and when I’m not doing that I’m puking my guts out.” With all that information delivered, Leia slumped a little on the spot. “On the whole, I’ve been better.” She summarised, and refolded her arms in a defiant gesture of finality.

Chewie gave her what was probably an unintentionally condescending pat on the shoulder, and then as though he had suddenly remembered something, he promptly typed in the door code, popped inside the ship and closed it up so she couldn’t follow him.

Leia stared in shock disbelief at the sealed back of the ship. Had he just left her? Had the Wookie really been so put off by too much information on her feminine issues that he had disappeared? _He_ was the one that had asked, if he didn’t want the full report on everything that was bothering her, he shouldn’t have been so insistent on finding out.

She fumed silently for a minute or two until he reappeared and again closed up the ship behind him. The reason for his abrupt disappearance soon became apparent, as she noticed that he had returned armed with a resealable plastic box. That same box he abruptly pushed into her hands mere moments after she had registered its presence, and it was only Leia’s excellent reflexes that stopped her from dropping it in surprise.

“Um, thank you?” She said, a little taken aback at this strange gesture.

The Wookie made a motion for her to open it, and after a brief moment of indecision she did. Wondering what he had given her, she looked at its contents curiously. It was a box of cookies, she realised with some surprise. Why was he giving her food? Was this some Kashyyyk custom she had never heard about? Taking another look over at Chewie revealed that he was now miming eating, clearly with the intention that she should try one of the confections.

Cautiously she picked one of the cookies up, and nibbled at one corner first with some hesitation and then with greater enthusiasm as the lightly spiced flavour reached her taste buds. Before too long, the entire cookie was demolished, and much to Leia’s surprise the omnipresent feeling of nausea seemed for the moment slightly quelled, as though the spice had an anti-emetic effect. Chewie looked pleased, as if improving her comfort had been his intention all along. She wondered whether he had much experience with pregnant women to know such things.

“Thank you.” She said sincerely. Closing the box, she attempted to hand it back but he refused it, lightly pushing it back into her hands as a gesture that she should keep it. Touched by his kindness, Leia gave him a bright smile and put the box away, already intent on sneaking a few whenever she next started to feel ill.

Before she could thank him again, there was a muffled shout through the metal of the ship. Chewie seemed to take that as some sort of cue and straightaway opened and departed back up the ramp, giving her a brief wave of farewell as he did so. On his way he crossed paths with General Solo who was moving down, and Chewie growled something at him.

“Of course I’ll remember the door!” The man objected hotly to Chewie’s probable reminder. The Wookie sniffed dismissively as if he doubted that, and disappeared from sight into the main body of the ship.

Whatever comradery or good will General Solo had been feeling from his short interaction with his obviously close friend based upon his consistent presence by his side, it evaporated when he turned to see her waiting for him at the base of the ship. It also seemed to erase any thought from his mind of shutting up the ramp contrary to what he had told the Wookie, as he moved to stand awkwardly in front of her.

“How are you feeling?” Leia asked, noticing that despite the Wookie’s reassurances he still looked rather tired and haggard as though he had a few sleepless nights since they had last seen one another.

“I’m coping.” He said with a shrug. He was purposefully avoiding looking at her, as though the mere sight of her pained him. “Look, I thought it might be a good idea if we went and spoke someplace else.”

“Oh.” Was all that Leia managed, surprised at the mere suggestion. She looked over his shoulder at what had seemed like a perfectly good place for them to talk, before turning her questioning gaze back at him. “Can we not just talk on your ship? It looks big enough, I’m sure there must be a room there with enough privacy.”

Vehemently he shook his head before she had even finished speaking, a rather panicked look in his eyes. “No, no. You wouldn’t want to go in there, it’s- uh- it’s filthy!” If anything, his misery seemed to alleviate for a moment as he looked rather pleased with himself at suddenly finding a half-decent excuse. “Dirt everywhere, completely unsuitable. You’d hate it.”

Leia raised an eyebrow. Even a child could detect a half-baked lie when it was told that blatantly, and he seemed to shrink back a little from her scrutiny.

“Really?” She practically drawled. “Well a little dirt has never bothered me. I’m not _that_ delicate.”

“Well it’s not just the dirt.” He hastily amended. “There’s also the smell, one of the sewage pipes burst and it’s absolutely foul. The whole place stinks, you’d pass out if you spent too long in there, trust me.”

Good gods, someone badly needed to teach this man how to lie better, Leia thought incredulously. But at the same time, she had to admit she found it strangely endearing and amusing to see him try so hard and fail so astoundingly. She had no real investment in having their conversation on the ship, other than general curiosity as to why he was clearly so desperate to keep her off of it. It would have been easy enough for her to go along with his lies and agree to speak somewhere else, but seeing him squirm was more fun than she had experienced in a long time.

“You know the funny thing is, I had an accident with some chemicals when I was a child and it completely obliterated my olfactory receptors.” She informed him with a straight face and a wide-eyed look of innocence. “I haven’t been able to smell a thing ever since. _You_ must be used to it, otherwise I’m sure you would have requested alternative accommodation, so there shouldn’t be an issue.”

Whether he believed her utter fabrication or not, her evasion of his continued excuses seemed to only worsen his panic. He looked around himself as though some other cover would appear out of thin air that he could use in this ongoing competition to see which one of them could bullshit better. Having won this particular bout, Leia was feeling magnanimous and pitying enough of the poor general who clearly had no idea who he was up against, that she was now willing to concede to his original suggestion and allow them to retire elsewhere.

But before she could make that offer, a commotion back on the ship caught both of their attentions, making them forget the ongoing dispute in order to turn to look back behind them to see whatever was going on. With no way of seeing it due to the metal of the hull in the way, Leia glanced over at the general to see the colour drain from his face as he realised he had forgotten to close up the ramp behind him.

Out of sight, they both heard a panicked bellow from Chewie at the same time as a small pink blur rounded the corner with a skid to appear just within view.

General Solo hadn’t been trying to keep her off the ship, Leia realised suddenly with a shock. He had been trying to keep someone else _on it_.

At the top of the ramp was a little girl, perhaps between the ages of two and three, dressed in a pink tutu and with a look of utmost delight on her face. That hadn’t been on the file, the absurd irrelevant observation struck Leia even while her thoughts were still sluggish and slow due to the mixture of surprise and disorientation.

Beside her, she was faintly aware of the general calling out sternly to the child, giving her some sort of reprimand and ordering her to return to ‘Uncle Chewie’. Perhaps the girl did not hear him or was too excited to pay attention, because instead of doing as she was told she hurtled down the ramp and flung herself at Leia.

Too startled by the sudden assault, she could do nothing as the toddler firmly hugged her legs, and looked up at her with those big brown eyes.

“Mama!” The girl breathed out, and the world stopped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I’m thinking some of you might dislike this development as being a bit of a step too far, and I do understand. It was always part of the plan, and plays quite a big role in the remainder of the story. I hope you’ll stick with it, and if not that’s fine too.


	17. Chapter 17

Unable to speak, Leia stared blankly at the grinning child still attached to her leg before turning to the men around her. She was faintly aware that the expression on her face had turned desperate as she pleadingly looked at them, hoping that one of them would deny what had just been said, but neither of them did.

Chewie, who had reappeared just as everything had gone to hell, was looking on dismayed even as he panted heavily, clearly out of breath from chasing the girl as she ran off the ship. General Solo did not look any better, currently appearing as though he dearly wished the ground could swallow him up where he stood. The scene would have been almost comical if it hadn’t been for her own racing heartbeat and dark thoughts. The longer she was left to absorb that word, that _title_ the little girl had used, the more she felt as though there was a hand made of ice slowly squeezing her heart. She had never been a coward, but at that moment all she wanted to do was run. Away from the ship, away from the general and especially away from what that child had said.

In the span of seconds which seemed to stretch on longer than they had any business to, the general appeared to have recovered enough to leap into action. Before she could truly register it, he was on his knees beside her scolding the girl and gently prying her hands off of Leia’s legs.

“Jaina, what did I tell you?” He rebuked the child exasperatedly. “I asked you to stay with Uncle Chewie.”

“But I wanted to see Mama!” The girl insisted, glaring at the general and tightening her grip as though he was trying to take away a much beloved toy she had no intention of relinquishing.

General Solo shot a worried look in Leia’s direction, before turning back to the girl and sighing heavily. “I know honey,” he told her, lightly rubbing her shoulders with his hands in a comforting gesture, “but Mama and I need to talk first. Go play with Uncle Chewie until we come back.”

The little girl, _Jaina_ \- not a name Leia had ever been familiar with, looked unhappy about having her reunion cut so short, but after quickly throwing her arms around her legs again and squeezing briefly, she acquiesced to the request. She watched blankly as the child skipped up the ramp to take Chewie’s outstretched hand. With her returned to his care, the Wookie made as though to go back into the ship but halted and looked back questioningly as the little girl pulled back slightly. With her remaining hand, Jaina waved enthusiastically at Leia before allowing him to tug her along into the main body of the ship. 

With her gone, the crushing weight on her chest seemed to lift a little, allowing Leia to feel as though she could almost breathe normally again. But still, she felt as though she had blinders on and her awareness of her surroundings was limited as her thoughts continued to shudder around her head, their implications echoing through her mind like a blaster shot rocketing around a durasteel room.

She didn’t even notice as the general rose again to his feet and slowly approached her as though drawing near to a startled injured animal. However, she did jump when she felt his unexpected touch on her shoulder, the kindness jarring against her own internal conflict. Raising her eyes to meet his, she could see the regret on his face.

“I’m sorry.” He told her sincerely. “I didn’t want you to find out like that.”

“Why did she call me…” Her panicked voice began without her conscious decision to speak, but even then she still trailed off, unwilling to speak the word that had completely thrown her reality into disarray. It couldn’t be true, she was unwilling to even think it might be.

Her words set something off in General Solo as he flinched visibly when she spoke. He let out a breath he had been holding in. “I think this conversation would be better if we had it somewhere else.”

Not giving her the chance to respond, he lightly took her elbow and guided her away from the hanger.

* * *

She barely noticed the journey, only what the destination was once they finally arrived- some quiet café in the backstreets of the capital. She passively allowed General Solo to guide her to a hidden booth near the back where they were unlikely to be discovered or overheard. He disappeared soon after that, only to return bearing a hot mug of a familiarly fragranced drink.

Cathleaf tea she realised with some surprise, it was one of her favourites. The leaves were only grown on Alderaan and when she had worked and lived on Coruscant she had always brewed herself a cup whenever she was feeling particularly homesick. It couldn’t have been a coincidence that this was the drink he had brought her, and the fact that he knew what her favourite tea was gave a strange intimacy to their current setting between the man who was still a stranger to her, and a woman he was undeniably familiar with.

“Thank you.” She said belatedly once she had drunk near half of the beverage. As it always had, the floral flavours of the drink had done wonders to ease her discomfort and calm her panic. Perhaps that had been the intent behind his purchase as he hadn’t attempted to converse with her during that entire time, seeming to be willing to just give her some time to adjust to the shock she had so recently experienced.

He inclined his head in acknowledgement of what she had said, but seemed to be in no hurry to begin the discussion that needed to be had. Was he waiting for her to broach the subject first? Assuming so, Leia put her mug down, immediately missing the warmth it had exuded, and decided to begin. “General Solo-”

“Han.” He interrupted with a visible wince, completely breaking her line of thought. “Could you please call me Han, I’ve never liked the military title.”

“I suppose we really should be on first name terms.” Leia said with a sarcastic biting edge. As was her usual habit, her upset had been replaced by a sharp defensiveness to hide the fact she had ever been vulnerable. “Considering that it appears I am the mother of not one, but two of your children.”

Even as the words left her lips, Leia’s eyes widened with horror as something new occurred to her. She had previously assumed the baby she was currently carrying was the product of rape, and while it was now apparent that was not the case, there was the very real and terrifying possibility that her assumption had been correct, but for a different child that she had initially thought.

“She is yours, right?” There was a tremor to her voice that betrayed her terror.

“She is.” He squirmed uncomfortably. “You aren’t the only one who’s been messing around with DNA, I had a paternity test done a couple of weeks after Jaina was born.”

Leia breathed out a quiet sigh of relief. She didn’t know what she would have done if he wasn’t the girl’s father, she didn’t think she could have coped with finding out something so horrible after she had spent so long convincing herself it wasn’t the case.

“I’m sorry about how you found out about her.” He said shamefully, repeating the sentiment he had uttered back at the hanger. “I had been planning on telling you in a more private setting to let you adjust before you met her.”

“I should have listened to you.”

The general- Han- snorted at that. “ _I_ should have realised you would know something was up when I didn’t let you on the ship. You’ve always had a particular talent of sniffing out any nearby secret.”

That did sound like her, and especially true of these past few weeks.

“I suppose you’ll be wanting to know how it all happened.”

“That would help.” She admitted. “Is… is she really mine?” She felt stupid just asking the question, but she needed to hear him say it aloud.

“She is.” He told her. “She looks like you.” His gaze seemed drawn to her braids, today fashioned neatly and out of the way into a pattern that resembled a hairband to keep her long locks out of her eyes. She wondered distractedly how familiar he was with this hair colour over the white that was again starting to become visible at her roots.

“You were at that interview, weren’t you?” He said after a moment, seeming to try to bring his attention back to a focus.

“Yes.”

“Well I didn’t lie about how we met.” He leaned back into the booth and took a deep gulp from the glass he was holding which Leia hadn’t noticed before. It smoked faintly and she wrinkled her nose in distaste. Was he really drinking at this time in the day? “I was on Tatooine, you approached me for transport to Naboo.”

“Naboo?” This was new, he had pretended not to know at the interview.

“You mentioned something about a bank account.” He said dismissively, as though it was a detail which didn’t matter.

In a way he was right, but this information _was_ of interest to Leia. There were some secret Organa accounts held in several banks across Naboo, mostly used to facilitate the funding of rebel groups during the war. If she remembered correctly, Dran had said that there had been a number of withdrawals over the last few years. In all likelihood it had been her taking the money out of the accounts, and if she had to guess why she would do such a thing, she would assume that at least for the latter times it was probably to help support the child. Assumptions were dangerous though, and she knew no reason for that very first visit to the bank. Further investigation might provide her with further leads as to her past. She would need to question Dran about the dates, quantity and frequency of withdrawals

“You wanted to get to Naboo without going through the normal imperial checks,” he explained, “you wouldn’t even hear my suggestion about going through them under a false identity.” He rolled his eyes as though this excessive paranoia was something he had become used to, even if Leia found it somewhat baffling. “We had to take a couple of days circling around, evading patrols until eventually we could sneak onto the planet without our arrival being documented.”

He took another deep drink before he continued. “So anyway, we ended up having a one-night-stand-”

“Excuse me!” Leia interrupted abruptly, hackles immediately raised in anger at his absurd suggestion.  

“What?” He looked surprised at the disruption to his speech. He had barely looked at her the whole time, but now he did and as he noticed her obvious irritation his jaw clenched.

“Don’t lie to me.” She told him firmly through gritted teeth. “What actually happened?”

“I told you!” He bit back defensively, looking at her as though she was being irrational. “On the last night of the trip, we had a couple of drinks and we ended up sleeping together. It really isn’t that ridiculous.”

“Yes it is!” Leia snapped, only to shrink back as she realised the sound of their raised voices had attracted some attention.

She kept quiet, choosing instead to silent glare at her companion until a few minutes later when the people near them had their attention distracted again from the arguing pair. “I wouldn’t have a one-night-stand with a total stranger!” She hissed at him.

The thought that she would do such a thing was so unfathomable to her that she refused to believe it. It wasn’t that she was shy or unwilling to engage in premarital intimacy, but one of the few stipulations that had held her back from doing so before was that she wanted to trust whoever she was with, and unfortunately with most of her time spent in the senate where everyone looked out only for themselves and any whispered indiscretion could be used against you, she had not had the opportunity to form a close enough friendship where she could imagine taking that step. The thought that she would abandon such conviction for a man she’d known for at most a few days, was ludicrous.

“Well you did.” He told her, crossing his arms as though that gave him greater authority on the issue. His posture was defensive but contrasted with the sombre tone of his voice as he tried to explain the situation to her. “Ami…” He hesitated. “You weren’t in a very good place at the time. I didn’t know, and if I had I probably wouldn’t have gone through with it.”

“What do you mean?” She felt some of her own anger fade away as she tried to make sense of his words.

“I don’t know if you are aware, but you were an imperial prisoner for a while.”

“I had guessed as much.” She agreed, wondering where he was going with this and whether he might know what had happened to her.  

As though he realised her burgeoning hope, he quickly quashed it. “There’s no point asking me about your imprisonment, I don’t know much because Ami never wanted to talk about it. She… _you_ hadn’t been free for long, and you were pretty messed up from it.”

With Leia still struggling with her scepticism, this at least gave her pause. Could it be true? She knew of at least some of the injuries she had sustained while a guest of the empire, and they had hinted at a prolonged period of suffering. She supposed it was possible that after enduring something like that, her ingrained views and opinions could have been deeply shaken, but was that really enough to convince her to share a bed with a stranger?

Ignorant of the turn of her thoughts, Han continued with his explanation. “I dropped you off on Naboo, thinking I would never see you again.” He gave a terse mocking little laugh. “About nine months later, I get back to the _Falcon_ and there’s a baby in the cockpit with a note from Ami. The rest is history.”

With his story told, Han drained his glass and immediately flagged a waitress down to get him another. They lapsed back into silence as his glass was collected and replaced with a new one, and all the while Leia’s mind was racing with new conflicting thoughts.

His explanation wasn’t what she had thought and even now it still seemed preposterous. Had she really just dumped a baby on him without bothering to stick around to make sure she was found? No, she wouldn’t have. She couldn’t even bring herself to contemplate doing the same to her unborn child, let alone to one that would have been there and real and probably crying while left alone in a dark and unfamiliar place. He must have been lying.

“You’ve gone quiet.” He noted, running a finger around the rim of his glass. The waitress who had barely seemed to notice Leia’s presence had poured him an extra-large serving with a wink that he had ignored, but despite that it was already nearly empty. If he kept going at this rate he would be too drunk to answer the rest of her questions.  

“I’m trying to make sense of it.” She retorted. “Forgive me, but it all seems rather out of character for me. The whole thing. From the one-night-stand I would never have, to concealing a pregnancy and then abandoning a child to a total stranger. I wouldn’t do _any_ of that.”

“Believe what you want,” he said with an indifferent shrug, “it’s the truth.”

Irritated that he didn’t care enough to try to convince her of his lies, Leia felt as though her own anger which had been steadily simmering under the surface was starting to boil over. “Even if I could accept _some_ of it, I would never just dump my child on your doorstep, I’m not _that_ uncaring.”

There was a sudden loud noise which made her flinch as he slammed his glass back down on the table and shot her one of the most hateful looks she had ever seen directed at her.

“Neither would Ami.” He practically spat. “I won’t have you speak badly of her.”

It was all Leia could do to stare at him in utter disbelief. He was angry at her apparent insult to _herself_. It was as though he didn’t see ‘Ami’ and Leia as the same person, but two distinct individuals one of whom he had nothing but respect and glowing admiration for, and the other who was unfit to lick her boots. While she had spent a considerable amount of time pouring over the possible ramifications of her memory loss, at no point had she ever thought that someone would _miss_ the person she was.

Her silence and lack of response seemed to give him enough time to allow him to regain his composure. “Ami didn’t abandon Jaina.” He corrected her darkly. “She put her in the _Falcon_ and waited nearby for me to return so she knew that our baby wasn’t left alone for too long.”

She wished he had told her that earlier, it leant a greater sense of credibility to his claims, and she might have avoided irritating him so much if she hadn’t pressed on this issue which he was clearly sensitive about. Aware that she should probably avoid antagonising him further, Leia was careful with her next words. “But why would I… why would _Ami_ not just stay with the baby, why leave her?”

“Ami didn’t feel as though she could look after Jaina.” He explained briefly, seeming unwilling to go into too much detail. “It was too dangerous. Vader was after her.”

“Vader?”

“The empire in general.” He amended dismissively, as though the exact people chasing after the mother of his child was an unimportant detail. “Like I said, Ami never really talked about what went on when she was held captive, but Vader certainly seemed involved. He said as much at Bespin.”

Bespin? What had happened there? Before she could vocalise her question, he ploughed on seeming determined to get to the end of this discussion as quickly as possible.

“She came back on and off to help me and Chewie look after Jaina, whenever she felt it would be safe enough to do so. We ended up becoming a couple, and that’s really all that needs to be said about it.”

Leia very much doubted that was true, but he didn’t seem to be in much of a mood to answer many more questions. Perhaps if she was able to see that note that she had written for him and left with the baby, that might give her some answers. She tentatively broached the subject, but before she could speak another word after “note” he interrupted her.

“I don’t have it anymore.” It was a blatant lie, only minorly more believable than his excuses in the hanger because of the dark look on his face.

“Look, I’m sorry I insulted… Ami.” Leia forced herself to say, aware that if she wanted any more information from him she would have to try to get back on his good side. “I just want to know what happened to me.”

Against her own will, a pleading note entered her tone which did at least have the effect of causing his gaze to soften and for some of the irritation to leave his frame.

“There wasn’t much to the note.” He explained. “Ami told me that the baby was mine and that I needed to look after her for about a week until she could get back and explain everything.”

If that was the truth, then why was he so reluctant to let her see the note for herself? As much as she would have wanted to press him further on the matter, she suspected any more pressure would cause him to clam up tighter than an oyster. Perhaps when they were a little more familiar with each other, he would relent and allow her to see it. Until then, she would have to drop the issue.

“So, what happens now? With Jaina and the baby?” She asked, changing the subject back to a safer topic.

“I don’t know.” He looked strangely despondent about this fact, a complete contrast to how he had looked when she informed him of the pregnancy. He had initially seemed so optimistic about the future when he faced it with Ami, rather than the stranger masquerading herself as her. “I suppose you can understand now why I wasn’t too concerned when you told me about the baby.” He told her and snorted self-deprecatingly. “God knows it certainly wasn’t the same reaction I had when I found out about Jaina.”

Leia nodded in understanding. From what he had told her it sounded as though he had been raising a child in the middle of a war, something that she still struggled to comprehend. Wouldn’t it have been so much safer to give that child away to an unsuspecting couple to be raised away from all the danger associated with a rebellion against the established order?

“I know that you’re probably pretty overwhelmed at the minute, with everything that has happened, and I am sorry about that.” He hesitated. “With regards to the baby- the new one- I’ve already told you I’ll support whatever you decide and nothing will change that. But if you decide to keep it, I would be happy to raise him or her if you feel unable to.”

His heartfelt declaration startled her. It wasn’t an option she had considered, to allow the child to be raised by his/her father. As much as it made sense, it wasn’t something she felt comfortable giving much thought to, at least at the moment when she was still reeling from everything she had discovered.

“Thank you, I’ll… consider it.”

As though aware of the awkwardness that had come between them, Han abruptly changed the subject. “I don’t suppose you would like to meet Jaina properly.”

Before she could fully control her expression, Leia was sure her instant dread at the proposition was clear as day on her face. If Han noticed he was at least polite enough to not say anything on the subject, which was a relief to Leia. She was slowly coming around to the idea that she already had a living child, but it was another matter for her to have to face that same child again. She felt as though she needed more time to get used to the idea, but at the same time knew that if she delayed this encounter there was no telling whether she would ever feel ready to do so again.

“I think I ought to.” Leia said carefully.

“Ought to?” He mocked her, causing her to feel yet another spark of irritation at him.

“I would _like_ to.”

Regardless of her own feelings on the subject, it was not Jaina’s fault that her mother didn’t remember her. She would do her best to pretend that parenthood did not scare her more than the prospect of facing Vader, and take one small step at a time until she could see what the future would hold for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone pointed out that Leia’s previous pregnancy would have shown up on her medical exam, this is something that will be addressed in a future chapter. Regarding this chapter, some of you may be looking at Han’s (very) abbreviated account of the events of the last four years and thinking that the actions don’t make sense/are out of character. This is because Han’s account is missing a lot of important details. For example, the reason why Jaina wasn’t given up for adoption, and the process which led to Han’s decision to be Jaina’s primary carer (it wasn’t as simple as Ami just asking him to).


	18. Chapter 18

The estranged couple walked back to the hanger in silence, the discomfort from their conversation still hanging thickly between them. Looking over at the solemn soldier, Leia couldn’t help but feel a pang of compassion for him. She wondered whether it would have been less cruel for her to have left him alone. He had thought his Ami was dead, he had more or less resigned himself to that fact when he had come to Alderaan. Given time and space, he would have had the chance to mourn and come to terms with his grief, maybe even move on and focus his attention on raising his child. Instead, she had come back into his life and given him a brief moment of false hope that his life would return to the nice and normal status quo it had been up to Ami’s disappearance, only to then rip that from him by proving she was little more than a distant doppelganger of the woman he had known. 

In all her life, Leia had never been made to feel inadequate. Her parents had always been open about their pride in her accomplishments. Even in the senate, while she may not have been liked, there had always been a certain grudging respect for her abilities, particularly after she had quickly proven herself a formidable debating opponent. Now though, for the first time she felt as though she was struggling in someone else’s shadow, trying to live up to some impossible standard and failing miserably. Not for the first time, she cursed the person who had so thoughtlessly decided to take away her memories.

Han hadn’t said a word since they had left the café and wanting to try to remove some of the tension from the atmosphere, Leia forced herself to end the silence.

“Jaina isn’t a name I’ve heard of before.” She commented, honestly curious as to its origin. “What made you come up with it?”

“Ami couldn’t decide on a name, so she told me to pick one.” Han said shortly. “I chose to call her Jaina, after my mother.”

“It’s a nice name.” Leia complimented. “Is your mother…?”

“Dead.” There was no emotion in his voice when he made the factual statement, suggesting to Leia that it was not a recent loss.

“I’m sorry.”

“What about your family, how are they?” He asked, appearing to want to move on from the subject of his own relations. “You mentioned them the other day. Ami never really talked about her family, I always assumed they were dead.”

“They’re fine, I’m living with my parents at the moment.” Leia said uncomfortably, wondering why her alternate had never spoken of them. She couldn’t imagine having a child and not telling them about the mother and father that had raised her.

“I’m glad at least something good came from this whole mess.” He muttered, quieting as they reached the ship. He keyed in the code and gestured for her to go in first. “You might as well come in, there aren’t any more big surprises in there.” He said as he noticed her apprehension.

“Sure about that?” Leia asked, managing for the first time that day to give a smile. It seemed to have an effect as the small gesture caused him to relax.

“Just my wife with a blaster ready to shoot you.” He joked.

Leia suddenly stopped mid-step causing Han to bump into her, and if it hadn’t been for his quick hands steadying her on her feet she likely would have tripped.

“Please tell me we’re not married.” She blurted out, still gripping onto the front of his shirt from her near-fall.

The question seemed to wipe away any remaining trace of humour from him as he released her and moved to a more acceptable distance. “No.” He said. “I asked Ami once, but she turned me down.”

“Oh.” Leia said, unsure of how to appropriately respond to the revelation that she had once refused his proposal. It didn’t cast any more light onto their prior relationship, only more questions as she wondered what had spurred him to ask and why she had declined. Had it just been because of their child? She knew that if he asked her now for that same reason (assuming he had a temporary fit of insanity, she was sure marrying her was the last thing on his mind), she would refuse on the grounds of not wanting to be tied to a man for the rest of her life for the sole reason of them having a child together. But had that been why she had refused? Or had she another reason that still eluded her?

She was unable to give it much more thought as Han, seeming to want to put their short physical encounter behind him, immediately began walking again, forcing her to nearly run to keep up with his long stride. Before long, he came up to a closed door and after a brief knock to alert the occupants of their presence, he swung it open to reveal a child’s bedroom.

It was the colour of the room that struck Leia first, the bright pinks and blues that had been painted across every flat surface jarred glaringly with the plain and undecorated metal hulls of the rest of the ship. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the new environment, and for her to notice the scene currently played out in front of her. If it hadn’t been for the stress of the day, she would have had to stifle a laugh at the view of the large and imposing Wookie uncomfortably sat on a too small chair with a full tea set in front of him. Jaina, seemingly unaware of the interruption of her game, was chattering animatedly while she poured an imaginary liquid into Chewie’s cup.

“Hey pal,” Han called softly, “can you give us a minute?”

The Wookie roared obligingly, and with great care not to upend the table or any of the other carefully laid out items, he removed himself to their side of the room. Chewie paused at the entrance to say something to Han, and from the way the non-human glanced over at Leia she suspected that whatever he was saying had something to do with her.

“Everything’s fine.” Han said tersely, perhaps unwilling to say anymore while both she and his daughter were in the room. She was sure he would have more to say once she was gone. Chewie looked unconvinced but did not try to argue further, and he rapidly disappeared into the corridor to make himself scarce while the uncomfortable reunion occurred.

By now Jaina had noticed their presence, but unlike before she did not rush over to greet Leia, much as she may have wished to judging from the way she was bouncing a little on the spot. She kept looking over at her father, as though seeking permission for something. Eventually, after a short glance in Leia’s direction to assess how she was coping, Han gave a short nod which allowed Jaina to step forward and approach Leia.

“Are you feeling better, Mama?”

“Better?” Leia asked in confusion, glancing over at Han for an explanation.

“Uncle Chewie said you weren’t feeling well.” Jaina elaborated, drawing her mother’s attention back towards her.

The little girl’s frown was an eerie imitation of her own. Perhaps it was a little absurd of her considering the situation, but Leia’s first thought was to wonder how the Wookie had been able to communicate with the child. Jaina was probably still a little too young to pick up much understanding of Shyriiwook, even if she had been exposed to it her entire life. Putting that little mystery aside for the moment, Leia was baffled as to why Chewie would tell Jaina she was unwell. As far as she had been aware she was feeling fine, if a little shocked from the drama of the day.

It took a long look from Han for her to realise that the issue of her illness had been used to excuse her strange behaviour earlier that day. Realising the importance of maintaining the ruse, Leia was quick to plaster on a fake smile and kneel on the ground so she could speak to Jaina face to face.

“I’m feeling a lot better, thank you for asking.” She wondered belatedly whether it would have been better to add some form of endearment to her reassurance. Honey? Sweetheart? She didn’t know what she had previously been accustomed to saying and deviating from that might have only confused the poor girl some more.

Jaina’s smile widened, and unbidden she wrapped her arms around her mother in a tight hug. “I missed you.” She said brightly, only to lower her voice to whisper into Leia’s ear. “Daddy missed you too.”

Her heartfelt and honest declaration made something within Leia tighten uncomfortably. “I missed you too,” she forced herself to say. She knew that it was the appropriate response for the situation, but the words felt hollow and meaningless. She didn’t know this child, and the lie tasted bitter on her tongue. She wished it was true, maybe then she wouldn’t feel so awful and guilty about her lack of connection to her own daughter.

Ignorant of Leia’s current state of self-loathing, Jaina took her mother’s hand and began tugging her insistently over to the now vacant table.

“Sit.” Jaina commanded with all the authority of a queen, pointing at the seat Chewie had left which was situated between a blue-skinned humanoid doll and a purple pittin plush toy. As Leia obeyed, Jaina appeared to scan the small table for a moment, before abruptly discarding the pittin plush into a toybox. “Daddy, you sit there next to Mama.” Seemingly used to being ordered about in this way, Han took the seat without complaint, stretching his long legs out to the side to try to make himself more comfortable.

Now pleased with the positioning of her tea party guests, Jaina happily resumed playing as though there had been no interruption. As she pretended to cook and bake assorted dishes for them, Leia took a moment to look around the room as though it might tell her about something the child in front of her. She felt her eyebrows raise as she took in the expansive collection of princess paraphernalia. Every piece of furniture that could have been princess-themed, _was_ princess-themed. Even the lampshade on the ceiling light was shaped like a tiara, causing the light to cast elaborate patterns across the walls.

Her extended observation time also allowed her to get a good long look at Jaina, and she soon realised that the outfit she was wearing was a mass-produced, child-friendly version of one of the ceremonial dresses worn by the queens of Naboo. She found it strange to think that a little girl raised on this mismatched collection of ship parts by two men had somehow failed to turn into a grease-monkey tomboy. She was certainly more girly at this age than Leia had ever been.

Turning her gaze away from her daughter, Leia looked over at Han to find that he was looking at Jaina with a small sad smile as he watched her play.

“How long do you plan on staying on Alderaan?” She asked him, once she had confirmed for herself that Jaina was busy and not in need of either of their attentions.

“I don’t know.” He stated, his smile fading to a hard look of irritation. “I’m not permitted to leave at the moment, if you remember.”

Leia visibly winced. She had forgotten about Dran’s ill-concealed threat should the general leave the planet before the conclusion of the investigation into his involvement in her disappearance.

“I’m sorry about that.” She told him trying to convey as much sincerity and genuine regret as possible. “I’ll arrange for your travel permissions to be reinstated and for the investigation to be dropped.”

He looked surprised at that, although it was unclear to her whether that was due to the kindness of the gesture or the fact that she had enough power to make such arrangements. It wouldn’t necessarily be easy. She would have to convince her father first, but she suspected that as long as she had her mother’s support it shouldn’t be too difficult to manage.

“Thank you.” He said, and shifted uncomfortably. “We will still probably stick around for a couple of weeks. I’m waiting on orders about mine and Chewie’s next posting, and Jaina’s been bugging me to take her around to see the sites. Ami told her a lot about Alderaan, and she’s always wanted to visit.”

It was a small detail but knowing that she had spoken to her daughter about her home suffused Leia with a rush of relief. She had spent the last few months, trying to decipher her alternate’s actions and motives to no avail. It had started to increasingly feel as though the other Leia was a completely different person, justifying Han’s strange cognitive dissonance regarding her identities. This behaviour made sense, it was what _she_ would have done, and that made her feel a little more positive about the whole situation.

“Mama.” Jaina interrupted her line of thought. It was still jarring to be referred to by the name she used for her own mother, but she did her best not to let it show.

“Yes?”

“Will you play dress up with me tonight?”

Leia felt her whole body stiffen at the innocent suggestion. It was too soon. The mere thought of spending any time alone with Jaina when she was only just getting used to the fact of her existence did nothing more than fill her with panic.

“No honey,” much to her gratitude, Han swooped in to prevent her from having to dash the child’s hopes. “I don’t think Mama is staying too long today.”

“I really should be getting home.” Leia agreed hastily, and regretted her choice of words nearly immediately.

“But this is home!” Jaina protested, eyes wide and confused.

“Some people have more than one home, Jaina.” Han explained gently to the young girl. “Like how Uncle Chewie’s has a home on Kashyyyk but also lives with us on the Falcon.”

His explanation seemed to calm Jaina’s distress and Leia was once again grateful for Han’s willingness to cover for her slipups. Regardless of their own differences, it was clear that his priority was his daughter’s happiness. For all his flaws, that was certainly something she could admire about him.

“I’ll walk you out.” Han offered.

He moved to stand and she quickly followed. As much as she was sure Jaina was a delightful girl, there was only so long she could play pretend with her emotions in the state they were.

It was only once she was back on her feet that she realised how tired she was. The day’s events seemed to weigh heavily on her shoulders, more so than usual, and in that moment all she really wanted was to go home and have a nap. To try to forget the events of the last few hours, at least for a little while.

“Will you visit again soon?” Jaina asked. She sounded so hopeful that Leia couldn’t bring herself to deny her.

“Of course I will.” She promised. It wasn’t a lie, she told herself firmly. She would need to see her again if she had any hope of trying to form a bond with the child, and regardless of the discomfort she currently felt, she _did_ want to bond with Jaina.

She followed Han out of the bedroom, and as they strode to the door, she looked back over her shoulder to see Chewie pick up Jaina and carry her somewhere else in the ship. Returning to Han’s side she watched as he keyed in the code to lower the ramp.

“I hope I didn’t overstep, with Jaina I mean.” Leia confessed to him.

“You didn’t.” He answered shortly. “You did well considering it was your first official meeting.”

He paused to glance back at the empty corridor behind them, as though to verify his daughter wasn’t in earshot, before turning back to Leia.

“Listen, I think it’s best if we don’t tell her about the memory loss.”

For a moment, any mask of indifference he had been maintaining dropped. He looked as tired as she felt, and for one irrational moment Leia felt the need to reach out to him to offer what comfort she could. Of its own volition, her arm had moved towards him and once aware of it she let it drop back to her side. She doubted he would appreciate such a gesture from her at the moment.

“She’s too young to understand.” He added.

“I agree.”

It was left unsaid that that Jaina’s youth was not the only factor to take into account. Even if she could understand, Leia could not even begin to imagine what pain she would feel upon realising that her own mother didn’t remember a single thing about her.

* * *

Leia decided to walk home, thinking the fresh air and exercise would perhaps help to relax her a little as she processed the events of the day. She was a mother. Not a mother in waiting, as she had now tentatively become used to, but a mother now. It was as though the universe was having a huge joke at her expense. Here she was, trying her best to contemplate the mere possibility of bringing a child into the galaxy, and now it had thrown a two-and-a-half-year-old at her as though to say _here’s one you made earlier_.

This new revelation had only further complicated an already difficult situation. Jaina’s existence threw her decision on whether or not to keep the baby she currently carried into a completely different context with several new considerations to take into account. And if that was not enough to give her a headache, she didn’t know how to even begin to tell her parents about this new development. She could only imagine her father’s horror at the thought that she had now procreated _twice_ with a man he clearly couldn’t stand.

Before long, Leia found herself nearing the palace and had to force herself to maintain her brisk walking pace rather than breaking into a run as she so wanted to. She needed her mother. She desperately needed someone to talk to about all she had discovered, someone who knew her and would know exactly what to say and advise to help her navigate these difficult waters. It was perhaps childish of her, she could feel herself regressing back to that little girl who wanted her mother’s comfort, but she couldn’t bring herself to care.

Both the queen and viceroy’s offices were empty when she reached them, much to her disappointment. Their protectiveness over the last few weeks had been almost overbearing, but now that she needed them they were absent. The frustration only exacerbated her distress, and a part of her wanted to angrily stomp her feet and demand her mother’s presence like an outraged toddler.

In the end she didn’t need to, around the corner from the queen’s office she found Breha’s assistant calmly working on her datapad at her desk.

“Your highness,” Ceira greeted politely, her smile wavering when she saw Leia’s expression, “is everything alright?”

“Do you know where my mother is?” She asked, not bothering to answer the question. It was rare for Leia to ever refer to her mother as anything other than the queen to non-family members. Ceira’s eyes widened comically at the breach in protocol, but she immediately looked up the information on her data pad.

“The queen is in the family meeting room with the viceroy, they’re speaking to-”

Leia walked off before Ceira could finish speaking, already heading in the direction of the royal apartments. It was rude of her, she was dimly aware of it, but she knew she would make an effort to apologise when she wasn’t feeling so out of sorts.

She reached the royal apartments, carefully avoiding everyone’s gaze and doing her best to give off the impression that she did not want to be bothered. It seemed to work as everyone she went past gave her a wide berth. She ignored the concerned looks that were also being sent in her direction and once in the apartments headed directly to the family meeting room.

Once there, she didn’t bother to knock and walked straight in, only to stop in her tracks when she spotted the intruder in the room.

“Leia!” Breha called out in surprise, her and Bail both clearly startled by the interruption.

Leia didn’t spare them a glance. Her attention was entirely focussed on the stranger before her, who stared at her, the blood draining from their face as though they had just seen a ghost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys about the delay, I’ve been feeling down and my life has been a bit of a mess the past few months. Hopefully I’ll soon get back into the swing of things. A few questions came up in the reviews for last chapter on fanfiction.net which I thought I would post and answer here as well in case anyone reading on this site wanted to know. 
> 
> Q: Do you have a rough idea of how many more chapters there will be?  
> A: I have no idea, there’s still a lot of content to get through and I’m still coming up with ideas and developments. If I had to guess I would say we are maybe a third of the way through the fic. 
> 
> Q: Did you only take Jaina’s name from the EU, or did you take more than that?  
> A: I haven’t read any of the EU books, so I won’t be including any major content from them but I will borrow little details here and there when it is convenient, like with Jaina’s name.


	19. Chapter 19

When Leia had first walked into the family room, she had a plan in place. It wasn’t a particularly elegant plan. How could it be? She had hastily constructed it during the walk from Ceira’s desk to the meeting room, but it was a plan. She was to cordially greet the visitor, whoever it was, and request the queen’s presence on an urgent matter. Once she was alone with her mother and somewhere private and safe, she would have the breakdown that Leia thought was both well overdue and well deserved.

What Leia was _not_ prepared for was for the man seated opposite her parents to immediately spring to his feet and reach for a tool at his side. It wasn’t a blaster as far as she could tell from a short glance, and its cylindrical shape appeared innocuous enough but somehow, she knew instinctively that it was a weapon. Her own hand moved automatically to her side to brush against the cool metal of her concealed blaster, but she stopped herself from drawing it as she made eye contact with the man.

He too had stopped mid-movement, but likely for a very different reason. There was no doubting the expression on his face that appeared the moment he met her gaze. Recognition. He _knew_ her. And after a heartbeat she too realised that the man before her was not entirely a stranger. It took her a moment or two to place him exactly, but eventually the faint memory of him in dress uniform at the recent award ceremony came to the forefront of her mind. He had not been the focus of her attention that night, but she found no trouble recalling his name. Commander Luke Skywalker, the man to whom the entire galaxy owed a huge debt.

While she realised where she knew him from, they certainly hadn’t met that day or any other that she recalled. He had of course encountered her previously when he saw the holo-message she left on Artoo, but she doubted that memory would have brought about such a strong reaction. Who would reach for a weapon under those circumstances? No, his reaction was because of something else, and the realisation that he had no doubt encountered her past self during those four missing years nearly made her forget the reason she had gone to the meeting room in the first place.

The strange moment that passed between them appeared to go unnoticed by the other two in the room as neither of them commented on it. Instead, Breha stepped between Leia and Commander Skywalker, forcing the two of them to break eye contact.

“Leia.” Breha called gently, bringing her daughter’s gaze back to her. The queen’s face was filled with worried concern as she gently took hold of Leia’s shoulders. “Is something the matter?”

Breha had always been perceptive enough to know when something was wrong with Leia, and as much as she may have tried to hide her upset when she walked in, her mother had not missed it. Shrugging off the hands, Leia moved out of her mother’s reach to return her attention to Luke. The shock of the day, of discovering of Jaina and all that entailed had not been forgotten, but that was no longer the matter at the top of Leia’s priorities. For the moment she neatly stored all those feelings and worries into a box and shoved it to the back of her mind to deal with later. Compartmentalisation was something she was increasingly getting better at.

“What’s going on?” She asked tersely, ignoring the question that had been asked of her. Right now, she wanted to know exactly why Commander Skywalker was looking at her with such obvious conflict. If he did in fact know her from some point in her forgotten past, she wondered whether the purpose of the meeting she had interrupted was to volunteer the information he knew about her.

Bail and Breha exchanged a meaningful glance, as though to confirm her suspicions.

“Leia, I don’t believe you’ve met Commander Luke Skywalker.” Bail commented with a tight smile before turning back to the Jedi. “Luke, this is our daughter, Leia.”

Leia raised an eyebrow; her parents would normally never address a stranger so informally. She wasn’t able to question it for long as her focus was immediately diverted back to Commander Skywalker.

“Your _daughter_?” He blurted out. He couldn’t have looked more shocked than if she had pulled out her blaster and shot him. Only Leia noticed his disbelief as neither Bail nor Breha had been watching him for his reaction.

“Yes.” Bail continued on, perceptive enough to hear Skywalker’s surprise but not enough to guess the correct cause. “Our adoptive daughter, if you’re confused by the lack of family resemblance.”

“I see.” Skywalker said. He had regained enough control of himself to keep his emotions out of his voice, even if he was less successful at keeping them from showing on his face. The initial shock had since faded into wariness and he scrutinised her closely as though searching for something, although Leia had no idea what he was looking for.

Wanting to break the uncomfortable silence that had come over the group, and hopeful that continuing the conversation might provide her with some more information, Leia put on her best diplomatic face.

“It’s an honour to meet the man responsible for Emperor Palpatine’s defeat.” Leia said formally, extending her hand for him to shake.

Much to her confusion, Skywalker glared at her suspiciously, and took slightly longer than was polite to shake the proffered hand.

“It’s nice to meet you too.” He said it pleasantly enough, but the look he sent her told her that he believed this introduction unnecessary.

This little moment confirmed what she had been thinking. From the way Luke Skywalker was reacting to her, there could be no doubt that they had met before. He seemed reluctant however, to mention their previous acquaintance in front of her parents which made her wonder under what circumstances they had seen each other before. From what she could tell so far, she didn’t think they were necessarily good. Perhaps he would be more amenable to speaking privately about it. She would need to get him alone somehow.

The other remaining mystery was what he was doing with here meeting her parents. And as her earlier question on the subject had remained unanswered, she decided to ask again albeit a little more politely this time.

“I apologise for the rudeness of my interruption.” Her apology was insincere, she was rather glad she had interrupted otherwise she may never had discovered that she shared some sort of connection with the Jedi.  “I am sure you were discussing something of utmost importance with the queen and viceroy. May I ask what that may have been?”

Breha stepped forward, as though to answer, but Commander Skywalker spoke up before she could.

“Your _parents_ ,” the word had a strange intonation when he said it, “invited me here discuss my family history. The queen and viceroy have been kind enough to share their stories about my mother and father.” He tilted his head and gave her a sharp look. “You might have heard about my father, the Jedi Anakin Skywalker.”

He said the name meaningfully as though it was supposed to mean something to her. She had heard of him, of course, but had never really given the man much thought as she had assumed that he along with all the other Jedi had been killed in the purges. Something about it niggled at her as being important, more so when she noticed how panicked her parents were in the wake of Skywalker’s unremarkable comments. Their eyes flitted from each other to the guest and back to her in rapid succession.

It suddenly occurred to her that Bail and Breha hadn’t expected her to interrupt their meeting with the Jedi, and moreso _they hadn’t wanted her to_. Her presence had clearly disrupted something, something secret that they were not trying to hide from her. That was the reason her father was acting so awkwardly, it wasn’t embarrassment over her lack of formality with the guest, it was worry that she may discover something they did not want her to know. That realisation made her fist clench with building anger.

“Unfortunately, we appear to have run out of time.” Bail announced, looking at a chronometer mounted onto the wall. “I am terribly sorry, Luke, but I’m afraid we’ll have to continue this discussion some other time. The queen and I have an important engagement to attend that we cannot reschedule.”

It was either a lie or incredibly convenient timing, and Leia was not feeling generous enough to believe it was the latter. What could have been so important that they refused to discuss it in front of her? Even Commander Skywalker seemed surprised by the abruptness.

“So soon?” He questioned. “I’m not sure if it is possible to rearrange, I’m due to head back to Coruscant in a few days. The Republic needs my help dealing with my… with dealing with Vader.” He shot her another sharp look that Leia could not decipher. She remembered that Skywalker had somehow convinced Vader to switch sides and found herself again wondering how he had managed it and why the republic needed his help with Vader.

“We can arrange something within that time.” Bail promised and placing a fatherly hand on Skywalker’s shoulder he guided him from the room.

She moved to follow them, but her mother stepped in front of her before she could, shaking her head to non-verbally forbid her from continuing. Leia stared at her incredulously, outraged at her interference.

“What the hell is going on?” She demanded as soon as the door shut behind the two men. “And don’t try to tell me you were just sharing happy-go-lucky stories about Commander Skywalker’s family, if that were true there would be no reason for why you and Father were so desperate to get him away from me.”

Breha hesitated. She reached for Leia as though to try to calm her but Leia stepped back and out of reach.

“What’s going on?” She repeated. She was not going to just let this go until she had some answers.

“It’s complicated.” Breha said eventually. “I promise, your father and I will tell you everything, we were always planning to, but now just isn’t the right time.”

“Not the right time?” Leia repeated incredulously. “Nothing that has happened recently has happened at the ‘right time’, why should this be any different?”

“It isn’t important now,” Breha insisted, “I’m more worried about you, Leia. When you walked in here you looked so lost and upset. Something serious must have happened. Why don’t you tell me? Maybe I can help.”

The reminder brought everything that had happened earlier back. Han, Jaina, Chewie.

“I want to know what you are hiding from me, and what Luke Skywalker has to do with it.” Leia stated clearly, shoving those memories back. Now was not the time, she would deal with that later.

For a moment Breha looked torn, but determination retook her just as quickly.

“I can’t do that. I’m sorry but you just aren’t ready to hear it. It would be too much of a shock for you to take in all at once.” Her intentions were obviously not malicious, and even in her anger Leia could tell that all her mother was doing was trying to protect her. But protection was not what she needed or wanted, and unfortunately that made her lose her temper.

“You’d be surprised how many shocks I can take in one day.” Leia snapped, and before Breha could do anything else she stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

Her whole world had been upended, and now her _parents_ were keeping secrets from her. Secrets that very likely _concerned_ her. She could hardly believe that they could do such a thing when they knew how important finding out the truth was to her. Well if they weren’t going to help her, she would just have to find out for herself.

* * *

Leia walked quickly along the corridors, trying to find where Commander Skywalker and her father had gone. Spotting a guard at an intersection in the hallway, she forced herself to slow down and approached him with an innocent smile.

“Rafe, is it?” She enquired politely. She appeared to have guessed correctly as she saw the guard visibly straighten and grin. Even on Alderaan there were many aristocrats who never bothered to even try to remember the names of their staff.

“You didn’t happen to see the viceroy and Commander Skywalker pass by? The commander dropped something on his way out, and the queen asked me to return it.” She lied easily.

“I think I overheard the viceroy offer to show the Jedi the gardens.”

She thanked him for his help and headed there immediately, passing through several corridors until she reached a door that led to the outside.

Passing through the lush green hedges of the gardens, she scanned as far as she could see around her to try to spot the pair. The gardens were maze-like with many pathways leading to particularly striking features. She had to pass through several of them until her father’s towering height came into view. She drew closer and once near them she rounded the corner and ducked behind a purple rose bush so that if the pair turned she would still be out of sight. She wanted to speak to Skywalker, and she doubted Bail would willingly let her. She would just have to wait for him to go, and then follow the Jedi.

Leia peaked around the foliage to watch them. They were facing a large, beautifully carved marble mural surrounded by non-native greenery and flowers. Padme Naberrie’s memorial, she realised with a shock. Why were they visiting a mural commemorating her birth mother? Bail placed a hand on the Jedi’s shoulder, and after a few more words that she was too far away to make out, he turned to leave. Leia quickly shifted back to behind the bush and watched her father walk straight past her and back to the palace, his pace more hurried than usual. Probably to find Breha so they could team up to deal with her, Leia thought bitterly and felt her ire rise in reaction.

With Bail gone, and Commander Skywalker now left on his own. Leia stepped out from her hiding place and approached the young Jedi. She was initially poised to demand answers from him, but as she approached the mural and the sweet scent of the flowers reached her she found herself strangely calmed by the beautiful surroundings and the peaceful memorial. Similarly distracted, Skywalker didn’t notice her as she neared him, his attention entirely focussed on the mural. 

The sound of her clearing her throat interrupted his peaceful reverie. Turning to face her, she noted that he didn’t look as surprised to see her now as he did when she had interrupted his meeting with her parents. He didn’t speak up immediately, which gave her some time to examine him closely. The way he looked at her was strange, as though he was wary of her, maybe even a little afraid but there was also something caring about the way he looked at her, something she wasn’t expecting to see.

“You’re angry at me.” Leia commented, unable to stand the silence any longer. “Why?”

His face softened at her question, the wariness fading and replaced with more of that caring emotion he had shown before.

“I’m not _angry_. I was surprised.” He corrected. “I wasn’t expecting to see you again. You could have at least tried to contact me to let me know you were okay. I was worried.”

“Why wouldn’t I be okay?” Leia asked, and then something twigged. “Wait, did you think I was _dead_?” His expression was answer enough. Han, Vader and now this Luke Skywalker. Three men who all seemed to think she had come to harm and she had yet to receive a satisfying answer as to why. “Why do people keep thinking I’m dead?” She demanded, hoping he might be the one to enlighten her.

He looked confused at that. “You _know_ why.” He frowned, and his eyes narrowed as he scrutinised her more closely, as though seeing her for the first time. “There’s something different about you. Different from before.”

“Is it the hair?” Leia retorted sarcastically. Perhaps he had met her at a time where she hadn’t been dying her hair back to its natural shade from the unnatural white shade it had taken, although why he would focus on such an insignificant point she did not know.

“What about it?” He looked baffled. “Did you do something different with it?”

They were getting nowhere, Leia ground her teeth in frustration. “Look,” she said sternly, bringing the conversation back to the point, “this would be a lot easier if you just told me where and when we met before.”

“What?” He looked even more confused than before. “Why do I need to tell you that? You already know, you were _there_.”

“No, I _don’t_ know because I have amnesia.” She snapped, and without giving him even a moment to recover she continued. “I am so sick of people lying to me and keeping things from me, and I would be _damn_ grateful to finally be given some truth. _How_ , _where_ and _when_ did we meet?”

For a long time, Skywalker said nothing and only stared at her in abject disbelief.

“Amnesia?” He blurted out, he examined her again and the shock on his face faded to thoughtful. “I guess that… maybe makes sense.”

He didn’t sound convinced. Leia was about to elaborate further, already sick of having to explain this time and time again, when she felt a very strange sensation. It felt as though something had brushed against her without actually touching her. She had never felt anything like it and she recoiled away the unfamiliar feeling. At her movement the sensation immediately stopped and Commander Skywalker straightened.

“You’re not lying.” He said.

“Why would I lie about something like that?”

He shrugged sheepishly. “I don’t know.” There was something almost like pity in his eyes, which only annoyed Leia further.

“Are you going to answer my question?” At her request, he shifted about uncomfortably.

“I don’t know.” He said, sounding conflicted. A thousand thoughts appeared to flit across his face, each brief and rapidly replaced by another.

Leia’s already tenuous hold on her temper wavered. “What do you mean _you don’t know_?” A lesser man might have wavered at her tone, but Skywalker stood firm.

“Your memory loss has given me a lot to think about. I should consult with the force before continuing.”

He started to ramble about the possible consequences of him telling her, and that her amnesia may have been part of some greater plan. To Leia, it all sounded like complete banthashit and the main fact she took from it was that he was not going to help her. It seemed like no one was.

“You know what,” Leia snapped, interrupting his monologue, “forget it. If you won’t help me, I’ll find someone that will.”

Without further ado, and for the second time that day, Leia stormed off in a decidedly bad mood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luke has now officially joined the mystery, and it seems that he and Leia have already met. Thanks to MrsScruffyNerfherder for looking over this chapter for me. Unfortunately, there might be another long delay between updates as I have a major uni deadline coming up and I'll be moving soon after that, so I'll be rather busy. I don't expect to update before September, but I have a rather bad habit of procrastinating uni by writing so we'll just have to see how it goes.


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